Between You and Me(28)
"Yeah, I know it. Should I pick you up, or meet you there?"
"Meet me there." Tess had a feeling if it didn't go well, he'd need that escape. "I'll make a reservation."
"Okay. Um . . ." Logan paused. "What are we talking about? Anything serious?"
"I have a proposition for you," she said. "And I guarantee it's not what you think. In fact, you couldn't guess if you tried."
"Really. Now I'm intrigued."
"Good, that means you'll show up."
He laughed. "Like I'd ever stand you up. See you at seven."
She flopped back onto the bed, her heart racing and body wired with adrenaline. Asking Logan to be her sperm donor was kind of crazy. He'd probably say no. And, when he turned her down, there was a chance he'd stop talking to her altogether. Anything was possible. But . . . she bit down on her lip, a smile spreading on her face. But what if he said yes? It would be the answer to all her prayers. She could almost imagine what their baby would look like. Hope and nervous elation filled her.
* * *
Tess had managed not only to get a reservation at Sophie's, but for her favorite table, half hidden in a back corner, away from the main sea of tables. Its location added an air of intimacy to the already cozy atmosphere. They were as private as a couple could be when dining out in public. But when their entrées arrived, she fidgeted with her fork, pushing around the food on her plate. Although the sesame/ginger tuna at Sophie's Bistro was one of her favorite dishes in all of Aspen, she had no appetite.
She'd made it through small talk with Logan, asking him about his day, and answered his as well . . . but she wasn't able to think about anything except her ovulation cycle, the whole process, and how the hell she could ask him to be her donor.
A few bites into his flatiron steak, he frowned slightly as he looked at her and asked, "You okay?"
"Me?" she asked, her voice lifting an octave. "Yeah. Great. Why?"
"You're not eating. And all night you've seemed . . . nervous. Not like yourself." Logan's eyes narrowed on her. "What's going on, Tess?" He reached for his club soda and drank.
Busted, she put her fork down. "You're right. I'm not quite myself tonight. Sorry about that."
"No need to be sorry, but just tell me what's going on." His shrewd, pale green eyes now locked on her, no mercy. "You said you had a proposition for me. Whatever it is obviously has you off your game. Talk to me. I'm listening."
She nodded and took a long, cleansing breath, trying to stay cool even as her heart fluttered and took off like a racehorse. "I don't know where to start."
"Should I be worried?" he asked.
"No. God, no. I should." A hint of a nervous smile flicked across her features.
He put down his fork and knife, sat very still, and gazed at her, waiting patiently. "Just blurt it out if you have to," he finally coaxed.
"Okay." She cleared her dry throat, stole a quick sip of water, and took another deep breath. "You know I want to have a baby."
"Yes, I do."
"You know I went to the clinic and met with the doctor, had an exam, all of that."
"Yes, I do." His steady gaze softened with concern. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"
Her heart did a fluttery thing at the look on his face. He was so kind. He cared. Genuinely cared. She wasn't sure how or when that happened, but he did, she could tell, and it moved her. "I'm more than okay," she assured him when she found her voice again. "I'm great. Perfect health. And my doctor thinks I shouldn't have much trouble conceiving."
"That's fantastic." Logan's warm smile made her skin heat up. "I'm glad for you, Tess, really."
"But there's one major factor I don't have in place yet," she barreled on, making herself talk before she lost her nerve, which was a possibility. "I still need a sperm donor. I haven't been able to decide on one yet."
"How does that work?" Logan asked. "They have, like, what, a database or something? Is that where you choose?" He picked up his utensils again and cut into his steak, taking a bite.
"Yes, exactly. And I've been going over them, and there are a few decent candidates based on the bios, but . . ." Her heart thudded so hard she wondered if he could hear it. "This is my child we're talking about. I want to find someone who will bring a lot to the table, so to speak. It's a tall order."
"Well, sure it is," Logan said. Now that she was talking, she supposed he'd relaxed some, because his eyes weren't searing through her anymore and he was eating. Casual again, no problems here. "I don't envy you that. Must be hard, and nerve-racking. Plus, you just hope these guys-the potential donors-are telling the truth, right? You don't really know, since you don't know them."
"Yes!" she enthused, leaning in. "Exactly that! I know the clinic has a stringent screening process, but sure, those men can lie about some things, how do I know? So . . ." A new wave of determination zipped through her, and she folded her hands on the table as she leveled her gaze on Logan. "There's a thing called a known donor. A lot of women go that route. They're able to go into the process fully confident, because the donor is someone they know. Could be a boyfriend, or just a friend . . . someone they already know and trust."
"Makes sense," Logan said, and took another bite.
"I'm glad you think so." Tess swallowed hard. "The thing is, I have someone in mind to ask. I know it's a monumental thing to ask of someone, but I have gotten to know this man. And I think most of his attributes-both physical and emotional-are ones that I'd be proud to have in my own son or daughter. I just don't know how to get the words out."
Logan half smiled, still chewing . . . then stopped chewing. He swallowed hard, meeting her eyes. "Tess . . . this proposition of yours. It wouldn't be . . ."
"Yes, Logan." Her heart nearly thumped its way out of her chest, but she said, "I'm asking you if you'd consider being my sperm donor."
Chapter Twelve
Logan's heart nearly stopped in his damn chest. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Not at all." Tess met his stare, a confident gleam in her eyes that unnerved him. "There would be conditions, of course. And legal documents and the like I'd need you to agree to and sign. But yes, I want you to be my donor. The more I've thought about it, the more I know you're a fantastic choice."
"The more you-you've thought about this?" he stammered. "About me?"
"A lot."
"This is nuts." He practically flung down his knife and fork. "You've been here for what, two weeks?"
"Tomorrow will be three, actually. But I know what I know."
"And what's that, Tess?" He felt his blood race and start a low simmer. "What do you know?"
"That you're a smart, caring, seriously decent man," she said fervently. "That you possess quiet strength and deep compassion for others. You also have a sense of humor, dry as it is, and you're clever and friendly. Those traits alone made me unable to knock you off the top of my wish list." She fidgeted with the edge of her plate, rubbing at something that wasn't there. "Add to all that your physical attributes, of which there are many, and it made so much sense. You're . . . you're the package deal I've been looking for. You bring so much . . . I'm convinced it's the right choice." She sat up a little straighter, took a quick breath, and met his stare directly. "So, that's my proposition. I'm not asking for an immediate answer, but for you to think about it. Would you consider being my donor?"
He gaped at her, stunned speechless. His head was spinning.
"I'd need you to have a full screening, of course," she continued. "Both medical and psychosocial. But we know each other. We've become friends. So we can actually talk about things, which is such an amazing advantage! I can ask you any questions directly, and I trust you'll be truthful with me in answering them." She drew a quick breath and licked her lips. "It just makes so much sense to me."
He stared at her, this beautiful, commanding woman, as a million thoughts raced through his head. Finally he said, "You're out of your damn mind."