Betrayed 2(41)
There was that awkward silence. This was obviously building up for a very long time. “I didn’t stay with your father because I wanted to make it work. I stayed with your father because I saw some redeeming qualities that I thought we could build on. It took several hours with a therapist before I finally realized that he just didn’t have it in him to be monogamous. I even gave him the benefit of the doubt. I tried to meet him halfway by spicing things up in the bedroom.” I looked at Marshall and he had his hands over his ears like a little child and whistling loudly so that he didn’t have to be subjected to this.
I put my hands on his wrists and I pulled them away. “I think that it is a good idea that we listen to her. She has been keeping this in for a long time and it’s not healthy. I’m starting to understand where the way that you treat women comes from. You’re damaged goods. You may not think so, but there’s something wrong inside you that needs to be fixed. I’m just not sure that I’m the woman that can do that for you. I would like to give it a try. I would feel stupid if I didn’t and you found somebody else.” I wasn’t looking at his mother, but I could hear her breathing like she was doing it over my shoulder.
“I don’t know you and I was really not impressed by the way you manhandled my son. You’re the type of girl that I wouldn’t want him to bring home to dinner. I get this feeling that there is a long line of broken hearts in your wake. That might be something that you have in common with my son.” I didn’t want to hear about my own faults and shortcomings. It didn’t look like I was going to be able to stop drop and roll from a moving vehicle metaphorically speaking. She had me where she wanted me and this was her time to say her peace.
“It was hard seeing you and father at odds. I screamed into my pillow every time that I heard you both arguing loudly. You didn’t take into consideration what that was going to do for a little boy’s self-esteem. I drew in on myself and never was one to make friends. It was only after I got out of school that my resentment turned into something that I don’t even recognize anymore. I actually enjoyed sleeping with women and then never seeing them again. I don’t want to admit this, but I think in some small way it was to get back at you.” This was a huge step and one that made me see the weight coming off his shoulders.
“That’s not something that a mother wants to hear. I’m leaving and I do hope that I have given you food for thought. It’s quite obvious what was going to happen. I can’t even look at you. You’re going to do whatever you want anyway and there’s nothing that I’m going to do to stop you. I think we need some time apart. There has been a lot said here that needed to be said. We both need time to absorb it.” She stepped to the front door and took off the red jacket by the door.
Marshall was about to get up and go after her, but I put my hand on his knee to signify that it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I knew enough about the female species to understand that it was not the time to get into it.
The door closed and Marshall was sitting there stunned staring out into space. This was neither the time nor the place to take our affection to the next level. I was just going to have to find some other outlet that didn’t include our sweaty bodies slamming against one another until we were both spent and had nothing left to give.
“I think that I’m going to leave and this wasn’t a very good idea. I see now that I was overreacting to something else and I was going to use you as a substitute. I’m sure that you wouldn’t have complained in the very least, but this would’ve been monumentally stupid on both of our parts. Don’t get me wrong, I still want you, but you are in no frame of mind to live for the moment. You need to take a cold hard look at yourself. It’s time that you realize that what you have been doing is wrong.” I got up and he latched onto my wrist with pleading eyes.
“I really don’t want you to go. Can you just sit here for a little while and be with me?” It was an odd feeling to sit there with him. I consoled him by touching his hand lightly and putting my head on his shoulder.
This whole thing had taken a lot out of him. It was only a few minutes before he was fast asleep. I very carefully and holding my breath took his arm away from over my shoulders. I laid him back down and I realized that what I was seeing was more than a feeling. The way that I was feeling was nothing like I felt for any man. It didn’t take money and it didn’t take fame. That was the power of the infatuation that I had for Marshall.