She sighed. “I see. So I’m your armor. Your pepper spray.”
“Not just that. It’d be great to hang out with you again.”
As he spoke the words, he realized the truth in them—realized how much he missed the easy camaraderie between Cassie and him. He missed the friendship they’d once had; he wanted that closeness again. Should he tell her that? But maybe it would make her uncomfortable. It wasn’t the kind of thing they discussed. He wasn’t used to opening up about emotional things, but she didn’t need to be told. She was smart and intuitive. She got what he meant.
But it seemed Cassie didn’t have the same fond memories. She shook her head firmly. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help you, Kirk, but I can’t.”
His stomach clenched. He didn’t know why, but her gentle refusal riled him. “Come on, don’t be like that.”
“Like what?”
“Stubborn and difficult.”
A line appeared on her forehead. “I see. So I’m stubborn and difficult because I won’t go along with your plans, is that it?”
“What are friends for? We’re supposed to be there for each other.”
She looked up at him, her face suddenly pale and taut. “I have been there for you.”
Why did she sound so…tortured? The back of his neck prickled as he sensed he’d wandered into a dangerous alley.
“You’re right,” he muttered. “I don’t know why I said that. Of course you don’t have to move in with me. It was just an idea.”
Cassie wasn’t looking at him. Maybe she was mad at him. That didn’t happen too often, and it made his insides contort. A strained silence fell over them as Cassie continued to twist her napkin, avoiding his eyes, while the remains of their dinner cooled and congealed between them.
A waiter arrived to clear their table and deposit a plate of fortune cookies.
Kirk pushed the small saucer toward Cassie. “Want one?”
“No, thanks.” She shook her head and reached for her purse. “Um, I’d better get going.”
“Yeah, sure.” He signaled for the waiter and dug for his wallet. As Cassie pulled a few bills from her purse, he said firmly, “Don’t. I’m paying for dinner.”
She paused as if considering arguing, then shrugged her shoulders and put away her money.
Outside the restaurant, he waved down a passing cab for her. Originally he’d planned to drive her back to her mom’s apartment, but the awkwardness between them made him think twice.
“I’ll call you.” He guided her into the cab and then shut the door for her. “And I’ll text you my address, just in case. You never know.”
“Kirk.” She stretched her head out the window, her expression strangely pleading. “I’m sorry, I…” Her voice trailed off as she appeared lost for words. She lifted her shoulders. “I’m sorry, that’s all. Good night.”
He straightened and watched the tail lights of the cab disappear around the corner. He hated them parting like this, especially after how much he’d been looking forward to their dinner. Cassie was only in town for a couple of weeks. He’d make it up to her. He had to. She was still his best friend, even if she didn’t want to be his fake girlfriend.
Chapter Two
The moment Cassie stepped into the apartment, she was confronted by her irate mother.
“I suppose you think this is funny.” Audrey waved her cell phone in Cassie’s face, the photo of the Chinese feast showing.
Cassie felt a familiar twinge of guilt as she registered the disapproval in her mom’s face. “I’m sorry, but I was so hungry.”
She moved through to the living room where her sister Lillian was in a sports bra and leggings, doing crunches in sync with an exercise DVD. Up until a month ago, Lillian and her fiancé Mark had been living together in Mark’s apartment, but with the wedding imminent, Lillian had moved back into Audrey’s place. It was easier that way to coordinate the hundred and one pre-nuptial items on their to-do list. They were both clearly enjoying the opportunity to live, eat, and breathe weddings twenty-four-seven.
“I knew you wouldn’t have the will power,” Audrey continued. “You’ve always eaten enough for two.”
The twinge in Cassie’s stomach tightened. Ever since the first signs of puppy fat had appeared on her, Audrey had harangued her about losing weight. Cassie had tried so desperately to slim down, had gone through such misery and self-loathing, but none of her efforts had ever appeased her mom. Even when she managed to drop a few pounds, she was still a big-boned, gawky oddball. No amount of dieting could whittle down her natural build.
“Well, look at me, Mom.” Cassie spread her arms wide. “I’m twice your size. Of course I need to eat twice as much as you.”
Her mom was reed slim and as elegant as a fifties movie star. Even tonight, a Sunday night at home, Audrey wouldn’t be caught dead in something like comfy sweatpants. She wore linen pants and a silk kaftan top, as stylish as ever. Her immaculate auburn hair was tastefully dusted with silver, and she had pink lipstick on. Cassie couldn’t remember ever seeing her mom without makeup.
“Back fat,” Lillian declared as she continued her exercise without pause.
“Excuse me?” Cassie turned to her sister.
Lillian sat up and reached for her towel to pat her face, which had barely broken a sweat. “I don’t want any of my bridesmaids showing back fat. It’s gross.”
“I don’t have back fat,” Cassie hotly replied. I don’t, do I?
Her sister took a swig from her water bottle. “Strapless gowns have to be tight under the arms, so any amount of excess flesh tends to bulge out. I noticed that at your fitting the other day. I know you can’t help how big boned you are, but you might at least make an effort to shed a few pounds.”
Cassie gaped at her younger sister as her hands clenched and unclenched. Her head pounded, her throat closed, her stomach twisted. The dinner with Kirk had been stressful in a way, not as relaxing as she’d hoped. And now, after their strange little disagreement, she had to come home and be openly criticized by both her mom and sister.
“Oh, I don’t know why I should do that,” she blurted. “After all, my bulging back fat will only make you look thinner, and isn’t that the most important thing? For you to be the center of attention? Why don’t you forget those ab crunches and I’ll pork myself right up for you?”
Lillian jumped to her feet, her blond ponytail swishing like an angry cat’s tail. “Listen here, I’m trying my damndest to stay in shape for my wedding, and you can’t even lay off the Chinese food for two weeks. Some sister you are.”
She grabbed her water bottle and stalked out of the room. Lillian was a carbon copy of their mother—five-seven, slim, graceful, and ethereally beautiful. Clothes always looked better on her, cops let her off speeding tickets, opportunities miraculously opened up for her. People were always astonished when they discovered she and Cassie were sisters. Sometimes Cassie wondered, too, whether she’d been switched at birth. Maybe somewhere out there was a family of big, tall people with back fat, wondering who the dainty princess was in their midst.
“Do you have to pick a fight with your sister?” Audrey moved to the couch to rearrange the already perfect cushions. As an interior decorator, the gesture was automatic to her, one she performed countless times during the day.
Tears pricked the back of Cassie’s throat. “I didn’t mean to,” she muttered.
She and Lillian had never been close; they were too different—physically, emotionally, mentally. But Lillian was the only sibling Cassie had, and after getting to know Uncle Mario’s extended family in Sydney, she wanted to be closer to her sister, however different they might be.
Audrey didn’t seem to hear her, and she swept on. “It wouldn’t hurt you to pick up a few tips from your sister. Learn how to dress. Try to fit in with her friends.”
Try to fit in? Her mom’s words stirred up bitter memories. In high school—a snooty, exclusive school Audrey had insisted her daughters attend, even though she could barely afford the fees—Cassie had become the target of the mean girls club, a group of popular, pretty girls led by a particularly nasty queen bee. As Cassie’s life became hell, her grades suffered, and she gorged herself on comfort food, which only made her bigger and more of a target. In the depths of her depression, she’d finally confessed to her mom why she hid in her room all the time and made excuses not to go to school. Her mom’s advice? Lose weight, buy some pretty clothes, and try to fit in with the mean girls, because then Cassie might get invited to their parties and not be such a social outcast.
It was then that Cassie finally acknowledged that she and her mom had to have come from different planets. She’d stopped trying to fit in. With the help of a school counselor and some medication, she’d recovered from her depression, and her grades had improved. She’d stopped worrying about being unpopular, about not fitting in. But even after all these years her mom still believed changing her image was the solution to all Cassie’s problems.
“Lillian is under a lot of stress,” her mom continued as she moved over to fluff out the drapes. “A woman’s wedding is one of the most important days in her life. It’s only natural she wants everything to be perfect.”