“I’m not sure. I think I’m falling for her, maybe,” I said.
“You know, don’t diddle around and tell me you don’t,” she said.
I looked at her, my eyes likely conveying more than my mouth ever could, and she nodded, as if reading my mind and knowing exactly how I felt about Anna.
“Go to her, Bentley. We’ll be fine here. If anybody asks where you went I’ll make something up,” she said.
“Why are you being so cool about this? I thought you loved Candice,” I said.
“No, the girl’s a slut. I just wanted grandkids, and I thought you might be able to work things out. Now go, before I kick your ass out of here,” she said, kissing my cheek.
“Thanks, Mom. I love you,” I said.
“And I love you, my sweet boy,” she said.
Confident, I got up out of the chair and got my coat before going out to my car and starting her up. I revved up the engine a few times, it as fiery as it was loud, before I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. That was my first place to look.
As I finally pulled onto my street and towards my house, I noticed what would be my first and likely last clue. Her car was gone. I didn’t know how she got back here to get it, but she did, and at least I knew she wasn’t in that venue hiding in a closet or something. It made sense she’d go home, but I wasn’t even sure that she would. When I was upset I’d drive or go somewhere secluded where I could be alone. I guess I didn’t really know where she frequented, so the only choice I had was to go to her place. I was sure her roommates would be home, so maybe they could give me a clue.
The rain picked up as I pulled away, the droplets as heavy as they were hard, hitting my hood like little pieces of hail. I drove in silence, something unusual for me, as all I could do was try to make sense of the thousands of things running through my head. All I kept coming back to was why. Why were we going through this? Why did Candice have to be there? Why was I losing Anna? The whys never stopped.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Anna
I heard a rumbling outside as Nina walked over to the window to check it out. She looked back over at me, as if I should come and see.
“What is it?” I asked, wiping my nose.
“It’s Bentley. He’s here,” she said.
“I don’t want to talk to him. Tell him to go away,” I said.
“Anna, you have to talk to him. At least let him explain,” Maggie said.
“What if I don’t want to hear what he has to say?” I asked.
“You need to do it anyway. If anything, think of it as a goodbye,” Maggie said.
“Fine,” I said, annoyed.
There were three knocks at the door before Nina walked over and answered it.
“She’s here,” she said to Bentley.
“Can I speak to her?” he asked. I could barely hear him over the rain.
“Anna, Bentley is here to see you. Why don’t you come over here?” she asked.
I got up off the couch before Nina and Maggie went upstairs, likely to give us privacy, which I wasn’t sure I wanted. They knew everything anyway, so it didn’t really matter.
“You have to believe me,” he said.
“Believe you about what? I’ve believed you all this time,” I said.
He was soaking wet, his hair and suit completely drenched as water dripped down the tip of his nose and onto the concrete below. I thought about inviting him in, to get him out of the rain, but I wasn’t even sure he was worth that. Maybe he should stay out here and catch a cold or something. It would serve him right.
“Candice ambushed me, I swear. I was in the bathroom, like I said, and then she just came in,” he said.
“So you were in there alone with her? Cool,” I said.
“It’s not like that. You know that’s not what I’m trying to say. She tried everything to get me to take her back, but I turned her down. I told her no and that I was with you and I was the happiest I’d ever been,” he said.
“Then why didn’t it stop at that? Why didn’t you leave?” I asked.
“I tried to. She wouldn’t let me,” he said.
“So a woman much smaller than you was holding you hostage in the men’s room? Really?” I asked.
“Please believe me. She said if I put my hands on her to move her out of the way she’d scream and tell people I hurt her. I finally just did pull open the door and leave, and that’s when it happened. I didn’t ask for it to happen, please believe me. She just kissed me. That’s when you walked over,” he said.
No matter if he was telling the truth or not, there was a look of pure desperation on his face that was hard to ignore. Either he was telling the truth or he desperately wanted to believe he was telling the truth, but which was it? I couldn’t go through the pain of being cheated on again, having been there too many times in the past, and I needed to be sure that it wouldn’t happen with him and wasn’t happening now.
Was it just his charm that was swaying me to believe him now? I didn’t know. I just wished I had a way of knowing for sure. To put some kind of helmet on his head that would tell me if he was telling the truth or not.
“Did you let her kiss you?” I asked.
“She just kissed me, I told you that,” he said.
“Yeah, but how long did it last?” I asked.
“I don’t know, a couple seconds,” he said.
“Why didn’t you push her away the second it happened? Why wait a couple seconds?” I asked.
“I don’t…I don’t know, I just didn’t. I didn’t think of it. I was beyond shocked and didn’t know how to react. It was like my mind and body froze, like I’d been tranquilized,” he said.
“I think that’s what bothers me a lot with this. Maybe I believe that she’s the one who initiated it, and you didn’t have anything to do with it and weren’t cheating on me, but why did you linger with her and continue to kiss her?” I asked.
“I wish I had an answer to give you, Anna. Like I said, I froze and didn’t know how to react. In hindsight I should’ve pulled away instantly, but the moment caught me off guard and you just have to believe that I didn’t like it at all. I even talked to my mom after you left,” he said.
“What about?” I asked.
“Just about what had happened and how you left and broke up with me,” he said.
“I didn’t break up with you…yet,” I said.
“Well, it sure feels like it,,” he said.
“I want to believe you, Bentley, I do. I’ve just been burned so many times in the past, so how do I know I’m not being burnt right now?” I asked.
“I guess you just have to have faith and trust me. My mom can vouch for what I said to her, about how I hate Candice and how I don’t like her at all. Even my mom agreed. Please believe me,” he said.
“I think I just need some time to think this all over,” I said.
“I understand. Take whatever time you need, and I guess call me when you’ve made a decision. I’m sorry things had to come to this, I really am. I just want you to know that I really, really like you and I never meant to hurt you. I promise,” he said, looking at me with an almost quivering lip and walking back to his car.
I stood in the doorway as he drove off, pulling onto the main road as I lost sight of him, and suddenly he was gone. I closed the door, locking it, before sitting back down on the couch, in the same exact spot, and losing it. I bawled my eyes out. Nina and Maggie heard me and came down to comfort me. I was as torn as I’d ever been before.
•••
Bentley hadn’t contacted me in three days, doing exactly what he said he would and giving me time to think things over. The first day was hard, yesterday a little better, but today was the best I had so far. I did feel like my mind was a little more clear, my emotions more in check, as I spent pretty much all of my free time thinking about him.
I missed him.
I missed his hugs, his kisses, the way he held my hand, and the way he held me on his couch, in front of his fireplace, like I was the only thing that mattered. I replayed the moment in my head so many times, too many to count, and each time I saw a little more, like I was putting together pieces of a puzzle. Maybe he was telling the truth after all. Even if he was, though, it still didn’t explain why he didn’t pull away from her right away. Maybe he wanted to see if anything else was there. Maybe he was in shock, like he said. Maybe he even liked it and liked the change of pace. I didn’t know the answer, only what he’d told me, and it wasn’t exactly like I could ask her about it.
I pulled out my phone and navigated to the thread between him and me. I sat there for a minute, watching the cursor blink as it waited for my words to come across the screen.
“I think we should talk,” I said, hitting send.
I set my phone down on the table and it buzzed almost immediately.
“Tonight?” he asked.
“That will work. I’ll let you know where and when later,” I said, locking my phone.
I knew I couldn’t hold things out any longer, and that something had to be done before we both went crazy. Maybe sometimes in life you meet somebody who you think is right for you but really isn’t. Maybe you’re just supposed to have fun with that person but not spend your life with them. There was nothing wrong with that at all. I guess we meet a lot of pretty cool and great people in our lives, but that doesn’t mean we’ll die with them one day.