She hunched a shoulder and turned away, just as Reginald came up to escort her to dinner. Zelah placed her fingers on his arm, steeling herself for an interminable evening.
‘Ah. I did not expect to see you here today, Miss Pentewan.’
Zelah looked up as Dominic strode into the library. His formal address did not escape her notice. After Timothy’s remarks yesterday perhaps it was for the best. She could be formal, too.
‘Good morning, Major Coale. I wanted to finish listing the books on mathematics today. I understood you and your guests were going riding, so the library would be empty.’
He spread his hands, looking down at the buckskins. She wished he had not drawn her attention to them, for they clung to his powerful thighs in a way that made her feel quite weak. ‘I am dressed for riding, as you see. I was on my way to the stables when I heard a noise in here and came to investigate. Your devotion to your work is admirable, but it is the summer ball this evening.’
‘I am aware of it. My sister is bringing my ball gown. I shall go upstairs and change when she arrives.’ She was quick to note his frowning look and added, ‘Mrs Hensley has no objection to my working here today.’
‘Hmm.’ The major walked over to the window while Zelah continued to pull the books off the shelf. She was about to take them upstairs to the tower room when he spoke again. ‘I thought you would spend the day with your friend Mr Lerryn.’
She stopped. ‘Mr Lerryn is not my friend.’
‘Oh?’ He turned to face her. ‘I thought he was damned friendly towards you yesterday.’
‘Mr Lerryn is an old acquaintance, nothing more. He is a married man.’
‘Married! His behaviour towards you did not give me that impression.’
Zelah had no answer to that. Silently she started towards the door. In two strides he had crossed the room and blocked her way.
‘And you were not exactly spurning his advances.’
The accusation hurt her, but she could not deny it. She merely gave him a scorching look and went to walk past him. He caught her arm.
‘Let me warn you to be careful, madam. I’ll not have an employee of mine embroiled in a scandal.’
Her face flamed. Anger, indignation and dismay warred within her breast. Silently she shook off his arm and stalked off. Only when she reached the seclusion of the tower room did she allow her self-possession to crumble. She dropped the books on to the desk and sank down on the chair, shaking.
Scandal.
How could it be avoided? If she allowed Timothy Lerryn to dance with her, to flirt with her this evening, she risked Dominic’s wrath, possibly even dismissal. If she followed her inclination and refused to have anything to do with him, she knew Timothy would not hesitate to make her past known to everyone.
She tried to get on with her work, doggedly listing details of each book in her ledger, but Dominic’s uncompromising words kept coming back to her. He would not tolerate a scandal. Perhaps she should not go to the ball, but then Dominic would know she was avoiding Timothy Lerryn and draw his own conclusions. Even worse, Timothy might decide he had nothing to lose by exposing her. At length she admitted defeat, put down her pen and dropped her head in her hands. Whatever happened she was ruined.
Eventually the heat roused her from her reverie and she went to open the window, looking down at the gardens shimmering in the summer heat, while beyond the park she could see the ragged outline of the moor, bare but majestic above the trees. She stared about her, trying to memorise every detail. It might be the last time she ever enjoyed this view. She had been a fool to think the past could be so easily left behind.
A party of riders crossed the park, cantering towards the house. Dominic was easily recognisable on his grey mare and she spotted Sally Hensley beside him, tall and elegant in the saddle. The rest of the party were the relatives and friends invited to stay for the summer ball and she knew none of them. Zelah had begged Sally to wait until this evening’s dinner to introduce her, not wanting the other guests to see her in her role as librarian. Now her caution seemed laughable. If she did not dance to Tim Lerryn’s tune, then they would soon know her as something far worse and how embarrassing that would be for Dominic, when he discovered she had deceived him.
Yesterday Dominic had asked her to cry friends with him. What sort of friend was it that kept secrets? She squared her shoulders. What was it her father had always said? Tell the truth and shame the devil. If Dominic was to learn the truth about her, then she would tell him herself.
She ran down the stairs and made her way to the great hall, where the riding party was milling around, chattering and laughing. As she hoped, no one spared a second glance for the dowdy little figure in her grey gown and linen apron hovering in the doorway of the yellow salon, but she managed to catch Dominic’s eye. With a word here, a smile there, he left his guests and made his way across the hall. It occurred to her that he looked very much at home amongst his friends. He was no longer the surly recluse she had first met. Surely she could take some credit for that? The thought gave her courage as he approached, even though his eyes were as hard and cold as the stone on the moor.
‘If I might beg a word with you, Major?’
He did not disappoint her. With a slight nod he led her to his study.
‘Well?’ He closed the door, shutting out the laughing, chattering crowd. ‘I perceive it must be important for you to come down from your eyrie to seek me out.’
‘It is.’ She dared not stop to think of the consequences now.
‘Then will you not sit down?’
He gestured to the armchair beside the empty fireplace and once she was seated he pulled up a chair to face her. She would have preferred him to keep his distance, to stand over her, looking down in judgement like some omnipotent deity.
‘You said this morning that you would not countenance a scandal.’ She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. ‘Before I sit at your table for dinner tonight there is something you should know about me.’ She stopped. How would he react? Would he have her escorted from the house immediately? ‘I wanted to tell you about myself, before you heard it from anyone else.’
He sat back in his chair. ‘Then tell me.’ His expression was cold, his tone indifferent. Her courage faltered. He said brusquely, ‘Go on.’
Zelah’s hands were clasped so tightly her knuckles went white. There was no going back now.
‘There was a man, in Cardinham. He called himself a gentleman. He was handsome and so very, very charming. I suppose I was flattered by his attentions.’ She screwed up her courage to continue. ‘When he said he would marry me I believed him. I allowed him to...to bed me. It happened only once, but that was enough to get me with child.’
‘And then I suppose he disowned you.’
His dispassionate tone made it easier for her to continue.
‘Yes. My parents were deeply hurt, but they refused to abandon me, even though I would not tell them who the father was. I thought it best that everyone should think it was a stranger, a traveller from the annual fair that passed through our town each summer. I wanted no repercussions. It was my mistake and I would suffer the consequences. I was sent away to live with an aunt until my confinement.’
She stopped. She felt physically sick, but there would be no relief until she had finished her story.
‘The baby was stillborn—a just punishment for my wickedness, I suppose. After a period of recuperation I returned to Cardinham. Everyone was told I had gone away for my health, but you know what villages are, I doubt if anyone really believed that. There were sly glances, whispers. No possibility of finding work with any local family.’ She risked a quick glance at him. He had not moved, his face remained inscrutable. ‘Reginald met Maria while she was on a visit to Bath two years ago and married her immediately. He knows my...unfortunate history, but he is very good and agreed to my coming to live with them for a short while. I hoped I would be able to make a new life for myself. I thought I could be respectable.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I am respectable. That is why, when you kissed me yesterday, I could not let it go on.’