I lift my eyebrows. “I love you, Nell.”
She reaches into her pocket almost gently, then pulls out a key. She starts to undo the cuffs on my wrists. The chain drops to the grass, sliding right out of the cuffs at my ankles.
“I love you,” I repeat to her.
She meets my eyes, then brings my hands up to her lips and offers them a small kiss.
“Nell …” Her lips are so warm. Is she finally ready to come home with me and talk? “You’re so beautiful. Let’s go, alright? Let’s go.”
She presses the key into my palm, then closes my fingers over it. “Goodbye, Brant.”
My stomach drops. “What? No. What are you doing?”
“Undoing your chains. Unlocking your cuffs.” Her unfeeling eyes meet mine, hiding everything behind them expertly, every ounce of hurt, every pinch of anguish. “I’m freeing you, dummy.”
“No, Nell. I don’t want to be freed. I want you. All of you.”
“Hey, not every cop is this forgiving,” she murmurs lightly, despite the cold look in her green eyes. “Especially towards a guy charged with indecent exposure. And really, it was my fault from the beginning. I’m the one who exposed you that day in the art gallery. Indecently.”
“I liked it. I like you.”
“The truth is, I’m the indecent one. I’m the monster, Brant. I need my magic chemical.”
“You don’t need anything. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
She turns away and begins to cross the street. Her boots strike the pavement with her every footfall, no matter how gently she walks.
I don’t let her go. I chase after her. “Nell. There was a time—Listen to me, Nell—There was a time when I was really fucking afraid. I was just a kid. I was lost and I couldn’t even approach a girl without wanting to toss my lunch.”
I look down and realize she’s typing into her phone.
“Nell, what are you doing?”
“Don’t worry. I’m getting my friend Minnie to pick me up.”
“Minnie?” I shake my head. “Who’s Minnie?”
“I guess we really don’t know much about each other.” She bites her lip and sits on the curb. “To be fair, Minnie only knows you by the name ‘Captain Big Dong’.”
“Thank you,” I say genuinely, regarding the name, then sit down next to her. “Is she, like, a friend of yours? Or is she a … a sister? Do you have a sister?”
A group of young teens emerge out of nowhere. I don’t even pay attention to their costumes or who they are. I just listen as they laugh with each other and turn the corner on the other side of the street. Their bags and buckets of candy rattle as they swing on their arms.
After they fade down the lightless bowels of another street, I go on. “I was saying, when I was a kid, I was a scared little shit. I would have been scared my whole damn life … if it weren’t for someone pulling me out of my own terrified head and pushing me at the girls I was so afraid to talk to.”
She sighs, then relents. “Clayton, you mean?”
“Yeah, right. Him,” I say, encouraged by her participation. “Clayton pulled me out of my shell. He pushed me. Nell, we are so much more than our bodies, so much more than our fears, so much more than our stupid pasts. Don’t be the Brant who stood in corners and ran away from chances and let golden opportunities slip through his fumblin’ fingers. Let me push you out of the dark, Nell.”
“I like the dark,” she replies. “It’s where I live. It’s where I work.”
“Then let me into the dark with you,” I plead, “and don’t just sit there all by your dang self. You don’t have to do this alone.”
Nell props her chin up with a hand, drumming her fingers along her cheek playfully. It’s like I just asked her what brand of cereal she wants for breakfast and she’s letting it turn over in her brain.
“Well, on one hand,” she says softly, “even though I make miserable company, it certainly is nice having you here with me.”
“Yeah?” I urge her, hopeful.
“On the other hand, I’m sorta ready for you to do that thing I’ve been waiting for since we first met.”
“What thing?”
“Leave me. For another girl. Or because you’re bored. Or because I didn’t satisfy every one of your little horny desires. I was afraid at the start that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with your … appetites.”
I should be insulted by that, but instead I try to reassure her. “I’m not leaving you. I don’t want anyone else.”