An hour later I was drifting off to sleep when I was startled back to consciousness by a loud banging at my door. It wasn’t a normal knock. Before I even made it three steps from my bed, the person on the other side of the door was pounding my door again furiously. Thoughts ran through my head: there was a fire in my building, or a neighbor was being attacked and needed help.
I opened the door a crack and left the chain on for safety. I probably should have asked who it was first, but I was reacting to the anxious knocking at the door and wasn’t thinking. My pounding heart stopped dead when I saw Jack standing there, his forehead pressed into the doorjamb, which was holding him up. I wasn’t afraid of him physically, but I didn’t release the chain either.
His beautiful green eyes were bloodshot when they locked on me. “Can I come in?”
I could smell the liquor on his breath as he spoke and his words were slightly slurred. A pause and then, “Please.”#p#分页标题#e#
I looked into his eyes and saw sadness and pain. I nodded my head and released the safety chain. He slowly walked in slowly, never taking his eyes off of me. We stood there for a moment, facing each other, just looking and watching each other’s reaction. His hand slowly reached for my hip and I took a step backwards. He flinched at my reaction and balled his hands into tight fists at his sides.
“Is that why you are here? A middle of the night booty call?” I was becoming more and more pissed off each second.
“No.” His voice was defensive, but he dropped his head in shame.
“So why are you here then?”
His eyes lifted from the floor to find mine. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t keep away.”
Jack’s words touched me and I let my guard slip slightly. My words were no longer bitter, but I still needed to know more. “Why did you leave and not come back last weekend?”
He visibly flinched again at my question. I watched as he thought and his eyes filled with emotion. “Because I’m a fucking horrible man and you deserve better.”
For me, alcohol was my truth serum, and I hoped it was the same for Jack. “Why are you a horrible man?”
He looked tortured and conflicted and I couldn’t bear it any longer. I reached out my hand to him to provide comfort. I saw relief flood his eyes. He took my hand and held it, waiting for me to allow him something more. “I have no idea how to have a relationship.” A long pause. “I hate my father for who he is, but I’m just like him.”
I couldn’t bear anymore. I needed to take away his pain, even after all the pain he had caused me. I closed the space between us and laid my head to his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly. His arms wrapped around me, engulfing me into his pain. I listened with my ear at his chest as his racing heartbeat slowed and he clung to me tightly.
We stayed that way for a long time. My emotions were running wild, but I felt more alive than I had that whole week. I pulled back to look at his face, and I could tell he was reluctant to loosen his grip. His face was full of concern. “Would you like to stay and talk in the morning?”
Jack didn’t respond with words; instead he pulled me back into his arms and wrapped me inside of his hold even tighter. I brought him to my bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed. I reached down and removed his shoes. He watched me hesitantly, making no move to touch me. He was afraid of overstepping his place for fear I would change my mind.
“Do you want to take off your pants?”
He looked at me and shook his head no, but reached for me as he laid back on the bed. He laid on his back and positioned me with my head on his chest, his arms wrapped around me so tightly I couldn’t move if I wanted to. But I didn’t want to move. I hated to admit it, but there was nowhere else I would have rather been.
The next morning, Jack was still sleeping when I woke up. His sleep only slightly loosened his hold on me and I had to pry myself from his arms in order to get up. He stirred when I snuck out of bed, but eventually he settled back into sleep. Nature was calling and I needed an extra large cup of coffee and two aspirin for my pounding headache.
I decided to make bacon and eggs, hoping that Jack would stay for breakfast this time and make good on his promise to talk in the morning. I sang softly to myself, trying not to wake him. I didn’t know how to cook without singing. In fact, there were a lot of things that I found physically impossible to do without at least quietly humming a tune.
I turned the bacon and caught Jack standing in the doorway out of the corner of my eye. His frame filled the doorway and he rested his arms on the doorjambs as he watched me.#p#分页标题#e#