Belong to You(31)

"What can't you do Syd?" His tone was angry and he took another step closer.

I took another step back and spoke to his chest. "I can't close my eyes  and not see what is going on around me just because it makes life easier  for me."

Jack took another step closer and lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Look at me. What do you think is going on?"

I looked away and didn't respond. I was fighting the tears back with all my might and I couldn't look into his eyes.

He let go of my face and raked both his hands through his hair in  frustration. Then he took a deep breath and grabbed my face with both  hands, bringing himself down to my eye level. I had nowhere to look but  into his eyes. "Nothing is going on and you know it. You're scared. And  so the fuck am I." He paused and searched my eyes. "Baby, I'm not him.  I'm not the asshole that made you afraid of giving yourself to me, but I  wish like hell I could take away what he did to you. Because I'm in.  I'm all in baby. I'm not perfect and I don't know what the fuck I did to  deserve someone as good as you, but you have me and I'm not settling  for just a part of you. I want you. I want all of you baby."

The tears flooded my eyes and poured down my face. Jack pulled me close to him and held me until there were no more tears left.

I pulled my face out of his chest. "There's nothing going on between you  and Jenna?" I looked up at him raw, vulnerability on the table bared to  him.

"There's only you baby." Jack paused and reached down and lifted me up, cradling me into his arms. "I belong to you."





Chapter 22




Weeks passed and my angst about Jack's other life and the people he  shared it with began to subside. We began to fall back into a routine  and we even went out with Jack's friend Tyler that I met in Hawaii and  his new girlfriend a few times. We were beginning to settle in as a  couple and, although it scared me, I was happier than I had ever been in  my life.

Sunday morning we were reading the paper in bed when my cell phone rang  and flashed a picture of Sienna. "Hey." I didn't even get to finish the  word, Sienna was already talking over me. I had to ask her to slow down  just to be able to make out the words that she was saying, her voice was  screeching with excitement and she was going a mile a minute. I was  only able to make out the last sentence. "The Smiths, Syd, can you  believe it!"         

     



 

I was confused and my conversation had gotten Jack's attention too. He  looked at me silently asking if everything was all right and I shrugged  my shoulders in response. "What about the Smiths?"

Sienna took a deep breath to calm her on the phone. "They want us to  open for them Syd! They want us, me and you, us, to open for them!"

"What, when?" I loved the Smiths. Years ago, when Sienna and I had a  band back in Boston, we had made friends with a lot of other local  bands, one of them was the Smiths. We had a mutual respect for each  other's music and we had always joked that some day we would alternate  opening for each other's bands when we went on tour. Years later, the  Smiths made it big and Sienna and I were happy that, if it couldn't have  been us, we were glad it was them. Sienna and I had been to a dozen  concerts over the last few years together and I knew they were about to  release another album.

"On their tour Syd." Her voice was elevating back to screaming. "They want us to open for them for their whole tour!"

"I didn't even know they had a tour set up here anytime soon."

"They don't, it's a European tour Syd. Four months of singing and  traveling through Europe with the Smiths! Can. You. Fucking. Believe  it!"

I held the phone away from my ear as she continued to scream. Oh. My.  God. It was my dream come true. I had no idea how it happened, but it  was every musicians dream. I turned and looked at Jack and suddenly my  heart was in my throat. I saw in his face that he overheard the news  that Syd had just shared. How could he not have, she was screaming every  word.

Sienna blabbered on and on, as I struggled to keep my composure on the  phone with her. I felt like I was just punched in the stomach and the  wind was knocked out of me. I was thrilled and excited, but scared and  sickened at the same time. "When does it start?" I had to feign  excitement, but it broke my heart as Jack rose from the bed and went  into the living room.

"A week?" I was exasperated. "When do they need an answer?"

"An answer?" Sienna laughed. "I already gave them one! Of course we are doing this Syd!"

A few minutes later I was able to get Sienna off the phone and found  Jack standing against the window, looking out over the city. I wrapped  my arms around his back and hugged him tightly, my front pressed into  his back. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes.

"When do you leave?" Jack turned to face me, clasping his arms around my back.

"In a week. It's a four month European tour."

I caught Jack's jaw tense, but he tried to hide it from me. He brushed  my hair back from my face. "Congratulations Syd. It's your dream come  true."

I thought about his words. He was right. It was my dream come true, but  why did it feel like my worst nightmare? "Thank you. I think I need some  time to process it all."







A few days passed and Jack and I went about our lives as usual. We  talked about the tour schedule, the travel plans and the venues we would  play, but we steered clear of the thing we both needed to talk about  most. Us. What would my leaving do to us? Would we be able to survive as  a couple with months of not seeing other? Would we even try a long  distance relationship? I wasn't sure why we hadn't talked about it yet,  but I was terrified of the answers that needed to be said.

Two days before I was to leave, I woke up to find Jack in his home  office working. I couldn't leave without having the conversation, no  matter how much I dreaded having it. I sat on the other side of his  desk, something I had never done before. The only place I ever sat in  his office was on Jack's lap. Jack looked up at me and waited for me to  speak.

"What's going to happen to us when I go Jack?" My voice was low.

Jack stopped what he was doing and his hands rubbed his forehead. "What do you want to happen Syd?"

"I don't want to go Jack. I'm afraid to leave you, I don't want to lose you." A tear escaped before I could stop it.

"I don't want you to go either Syd. But you have to. When we first met  in Hawaii you said yourself that you had forgotten who you were when you  were with Michael. You need to do this for you. It's your dream." He  came around the desk and lifted me, setting me down on top of his lap.  "I'll come to Europe to see you and you can come home when you have a  few days between shows." His face was serious and his tone was  unwavering.

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I looked into  his eyes and saw his sacrifice. "I love you Jack." I hadn't planned to  say it, the words just came out on their own.         

     



 

Jack lifted me up and carried me to the bedroom, setting me down on the  bed gently. I watched as he unbuckled his pants and took off his boxers,  never taking his eyes off of me. He sat me up and pulled the tank top I  was wearing over my head. He climbed on top of me and gently kissed my  lips. He pulled his head back just enough to look me in the eyes. "I  love you too Syd." Then he made love to me.







On the morning of my flight, I was surprised that Jack said he needed to  stop at the office. "I just have to pick up something. We can stop on  the way to the airport, it will only take five minutes."

We were both quiet, but it didn't have anything to do with the unplanned  stop at Jack's office. I wasn't going to see Jack for three full weeks,  until I had a break in my schedule. We planned for him to fly to Rome  for four days then. He was going to come for the Rome concert and then  we were going to stay three days together, before I had to fly out to  Prague for the next show.

Mateo pulled up in front of Jack's office and he opened the door and  held out his hand. I was surprised that he wanted me to come inside,  after the last time I had visited. I really didn't want his last memory  of me in his office to be my childish behavior from last time, so I  sucked it up and got out with him without question.

Jack's assistant spied us as soon as we walked in. "It's on your desk." She smiled at me sweetly.

We walked to his office hand in hand. I was relieved that I didn't have  any Jenna sightings that might upset me before I had to leave. Inside  his office, Jack handed me an envelope.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

Inside was a pretty silver heart keychain with a bunch of keys and some folded papers.

I looked at him curiously.

"The keys to the penthouse, my office and the storage unit. And an open  first class ticket in case you need to come home for an unplanned  visit."