Being Kalli(7)
Addicts: their addiction is a facet of them. Remove that facet and they waste away until they don’t have anything left to fight with. Their addiction is the only thing to bring them back.
“Hoe,” I say through grit teeth.
Scout pushes my shoulder down, mumbling as she wakes. She nudges me to face her. “That’s rough.”
“She is,” I confirm. “If you’re gonna get high, why not at least pay the babysitter enough to look after your little boys?”
Scout sighs. “Oh, her.”
Scout knows our family, but I suppose not being here, living with her, growing up day-in-day-out with us means she doesn’t know all. So I tell her what happened.
“I am a hoe, though,” Scout says afterwards.
“No way. You know I’m kidding with you when I say stuff. I only say it because we’re close. I never mean it. You care about … people.”
“I kissed the hottest chick tonight. I care about her.” Scout shimmies up the headboard of my bed and punches a pillow into position under her elbow, resting her head in her palm. “You shoulda seen her. Legs up to here. Massive boobs.”
“D?”
“DD.”
“Well,” I say. “That’s … that’s too big, anyway, right?”
Scout and I can subject hop without much of a link between topics. For us, it just flows.
“Kalli,” she says, “I’m your bestie. I love your Bs because they are perky and the best size—”
“Bet you could throw hers over your shoulder,” I say while she’s still talking.
“—and we both know Nate loves your boobs a lot.”
“This he does. Gotta tell you some gossip about him. But you.” I stab Scout in the chest with my finger. “Answer my question.”
“It wasn’t a question.” She has a straight face for those words but then she breaks out in a grin. “But why would I throw them over my shoulder? I sucked them until they rashed up.”
“Yu—”I suppress my “yuck”. Scout likes girls as well as boys, and it’s not her sucking on them that weird me out but the thought of me doing that.
“Anyway,” she says shifting on her leant elbow, “what did you do with Nate?”
“I sucked his cock.”
Scout’s mouth explodes with air. Literally, she bursts into hysterics and I don’t bother reeling her in. The twins’ bedroom is far enough away, and I’m again feeling drunk enough to not know if she’s too loud.
“I did. It was a bet thing anyway.” Why not? Suck your best friend’s cock for a bet. “You sucked some random girl’s tits.”
Scout tips her head in a touché way. “But I like her.”
“I don’t like him. And he’s not even my best friend, you are. So be quiet and satisfied.”
“I’ll make sure not to tell him that, Kalli. But this crosses a line. Are you going to date him or something?”
I make an icky face. “No way.”
“He’s not like you. Shit, Kalli. Both him and I are not like you. We get real messy when we cross that line. Just don’t expect it to work out so well for him.”
“I kiss you.”
“You like guys though, not girls. There’s a fine, but defining difference there.”
“Ah, boy. You’re soft. It’s fine. I know it’ll be fine because he was piss-ass drunk. He may not even remember.”
I lean in, hold her cheeks in place and kiss her lips. “See? I just kissed you, too. I’m not going to pretend my world has changed because I kissed my female best friend or gave head to my male friend. I have bigger concerns.”
I make a mental list: Mum’s a druggie, the twins’ dad has to be reminded to see his kids, I don’t know how I’ll ever pay off my course debt, I have to work part-time, study and mother my little brothers.
Yeah, I have bigger issues.
“Oh but the best part—” lie “—was finally hooking up with Donovan.”
She takes the bait.
“Dono-who?”
“Donovan Xander. That guy in some of your lectures and who you see at parties?”
“Yup.”
“Better kisser than I expected. I didn’t give him much credit going in but he obviously gets around. He was great. He even wanted to take me somewhere private—”
I stop there because I can’t explain the reason why, and don’t want to initiate conversation beyond “I can’t”—even with Scout. For some reason, I leave out the part about him having a girlfriend (maybe, probably). I leave out the part that he’s just another guy.
It’s not that I’m a Strong Woman and I-Don’t-Need-No-Man and such. And it’s not that I’m so picky I’m waiting for Mr Right. I had one boyfriend when I was almost fifteen and stupid, and he went around telling our high school year that I jerked him off, for only $10. Both were not true, and it only reinforced what I knew about boys.