Behind the Scenes(87)

I laugh, a raspy guffaw. “Thank God. Neither do I.”

He smiles at me and I look down into my coffee, suddenly not able to handle the sweetness of the moment.

Watch it, lunatic.

I smile, remembering those three words; the first thing he ever said to me.

Now, it’s impossible to believe that same man from the parking lot weeks ago is the one sitting next to me. So much of him seems different. Those words and that day seem as if they happened in a dream.

Seems being the important word there, because people really can’t change that fast.

Then again, why can’t they? Am I not changing? Am I really the same starry eyed film school grad who first drove onto the lot of Mulroney Pictures days and days ago?

I’m still starry eyed, but only when it comes to movies. In respect to other things, my heart has begun to harden. But I’ve also been changing for the better. At least I hope so. If I haven’t, then I’ll try harder. I’m going to take to heart what Brendan told me and keep trying to let everyone just be as they are.

I clamp my teeth together. That includes Eryk. We fight too much.

God, if he gets out of this hospital alive, I will never start a fight with him again.

All of this flashes through my head while I stare down into the dark liquid. The paper cup is thin, but the coffee not that hot, so I can just manage to hold it without burning myself.

“How did you know I needed coffee so bad?” I whisper.

“You seem tired, and I notice you were chugging it earlier.” He pauses. “Plus, it’s just good to have something in your hands when everything is falling apart around you.”

“Yeah,” I agree, thinking of his hand in my own back at the apartment. I want to reach out and hold it again now, but my fingers remain firmly gripped around the thin cup.

I wonder how much experience he has with things falling apart around him.

“Where did you go?” I ask, lifting my head slightly to look at him. He hasn’t moved at all; is still leaning forward on his legs. “Dana said it was a business trip.”

He rubs his palm against his jaw. “It wasn’t. I just needed some time away. I went to Florida. My friend has a house there and it was empty all week.”

“Ah.”

He looks at the floor, blinking rapidly, and then looks back up at me. “You like it on set.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “I do.”

“I’m sorry you don’t want to stay in the office. I know I haven’t made it the best work environment.”

“No, you haven’t,” I agree, looking straight at him. “But not just for me. You’re harsh on other people as well.”

He still stares at the floor, but he nods sullenly.

I go on. It’s much easier to talk about and defend others than it is myself. “Dana works really hard for you,” I say. “She puts up with a lot.”

“I know,” he rasps. “I need to be better to her. I need to be better to everyone. That’s one of the things I’m working on.”

His gaze lifts up halfway, to where he’s staring at my hands. “If I did that, would you still not want to come back?”

“Come back to what? The office?”

He swallows hard and his hands clench together. “The office isn’t what’s important.”

I watch him, seeing what he’s getting at, but also still too afraid to give myself over to his promises. I swallow hard. “It’s pretty complicated.”

His throat works up and down. “What if we uncomplicated it?”

“How?” My voice sounds so desperate.

We lock eyes and a deep comfort washes over me.

“Sydney!”

Crystal comes running across the waiting room. Simon and I both stand up, me sloshing a bit of coffee on the floor in the process. Her eyes are wide and her blonde hair frizzy and flying out around her. She comes to a breathless halt in front of me. “Have you heard anything?”

“No.”

Crystal’s face falls.

“I’m going to go ask around,” Simon announces, standing up. “We shouldn’t have to wait this long. It’s ridiculous.”

He goes to the front desk and Crystal takes his vacated seat.

“I told him,” she fiercely whispers. “I told him he was going to hurt himself. What the hell is his issue?”

I sadly smile. “I know. We couldn’t make him do things differently, though.”

A dry sob racks her body, and the cool and collected girl I know so well disappears. “Damn him. What an idiot!”

I wrap my arm around her shoulder while she cries a little bit. Her emotions somewhat spent, she wipes her face and sits up straighter. “He’s got such a nice ass,” she sullenly says, watching Simon at the receptionist desk.