Behind the Scenes(82)

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” I say. “About me asking a lot of people.”

He scratches his head and looks out the window. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You didn’t. It was good.” My hands relax on the steering wheel as I let the confession out. “I realize that I haven’t changed much in the last couple years. I’m not very good at just letting people be what they are.”

I stare at the car in front of me, but can feel his eyes studying my face.

“You mean with everyone?” he asks.

I shift in the seat. “Mostly with men.”

“Like boyfriends.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a short pause. “So you have been seeing someone.”

“What makes you ask that?”

I feel him studying me. He guffaws. “Come on, Sydney…”

I bite my lip and glance at him. “Okay. Kind of. But not really. And it’s over now.”

He sighs. “I’m not mad. Hell, I don’t have any right to be mad… it’s him, isn’t it?”

“Eryk?” I joke, trying desperately to make light of the intense moment.

Surprisingly, Brendan chuckles. “I knew that drag thing was a cover up.”

“Yeah, he’s secretly straight. Has been for years.”

Brendan laughs and some of the tension leaves my shoulders.

“I wonder,” I say softly, “if things wouldn’t have turned out better with people if I’d just relaxed some. Being long distance with you drove me crazy. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted you here, being my short distance boyfriend.”

“Things are never perfect.”

I wipe a speck of dust off the dash. “I keep trying to make them that way.”

He laughs again. “Yeah, you do, but that’s one of the great things about you.”

I scrunch my nose up and twist the steering wheel between my fingers. “Really?”

He reaches out a hand and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, but it’s not a romantic gesture. Instead, it’s tender in an almost parental way. I smile at him and he grins back.

At the airport, I pull up to the check-in gates. He gives me a quick hug and I breathe it in, knowing there’s no guarantee we’ll run into each other again soon.

“Bye, Sydney,” he whispers into my hair.

I squeeze him tighter. “Bye. Sorry if I made you late.”

“Just getting to see you this morning would make it worth it.”

He lets go and climbs out, and I watch as he pulls out his suitcases and disappears through the glass doors. A car honks somewhere behind me in the congested mess of cars, and I put my attention back on getting home.

I spend half the ride yawning into my hand. Visions of coffee pots and TV remotes dance in front of my eyes.

“Just a little longer,” I murmur to myself.

My phone rings and I try to reach for it, but my bag is all the way in the backseat. Frustrated, I give up. I can only hope it’s not Brendan calling to ask me to pick him up because he missed his flight.

After pulling into my parking spot, I check it. The number is unknown. Student debt collectors, maybe? Did I forget to pay my loans this month? I don’t have those on auto pay and sometimes they slip my mind.

I shove the phone back into my backpack. I’m not dealing with loans right now. I’m not dealing with anything right now. In fact, maybe I’ll skip the TV and go right back to bed.

Eryk sits on the couch, already living out my plans with Comedy Central and a steaming mug of joe sitting in front of him.

“Hey,” he says, his voice sounding feeble and weak.

“Hi.” I stretch my arms over my head and walk into the kitchen to pour myself a cup from the half full pot. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time I get out the half and half, swirl it into the coffee, then put it back in the fridge. When I look up, his eyes fall to the carpet.

I wrap my hands around the cup and join him on the couch.

“I’m sorry for last night,” he says, finally looking at me.

I nudge his leg with my toe. “Thanks. We’re not trying to hurt you or be mean. We’re really worried about you. Especially Crystal.”

“Everything I’m doing is normal.” He avoids my eyes when he says that, looking at the coffee table instead.

I purse my lips. His statement is a point to be argued, but I won’t do it right now. At the moment, all that interests me is stretching my legs out and half sleeping while I stare at the television screen.

“Crystal said you took Brendan to the airport.”

“Yeah.” I take a sip of coffee. “What? No ‘good riddance’?”

Eryk’s shoulders lift a millimeter and for the first time, I notice just how tired he looks.