“Oh, okay. Crystal said you didn’t eat dinner, so I thought maybe you were.”
“I had salad,” he snaps.
I open my mouth to snap back, then remember that if I’m going to get across to him, I need to stay on his side.
“Are you sure that’s enough?” I gently ask. “You always call salad ‘rabbit food.’”
“I don’t have an eating disorder, Sydney.”
His comeback takes me by surprise.
“I didn’t say that,” I answer, twisting my fingers in growing anxiety.
“I’m going to sleep. Good night.” He turns over and plops down with his back to me.
I edge out of the room, closing the door behind me.
Crystal is on the floor where I left her, stretching. She pauses in the middle of trying to touch her nose to her knee and looks up. “What happened?” she asks, her voice low.
“What happened?” I cross my arms. “He told me he doesn’t have an eating disorder and then basically kicked me out. I didn’t say anything about an eating disorder.”
Crystal shakes her head. “Jesus,” she mutters. “We have to do something.”
I chew on my lip. “Maybe he’ll just come around, you know? He can’t just eat lettuce for the rest of his life.”
Crystal exhales heavily. “Okay. But I think we need to watch him.”
“We will,” I agree. “We just need to be sly about it.”
My phone rings, buzzing from inside my backpack. I pull it out, thinking maybe it’s my mom or Lee calling. It’s almost midnight in North Carolina, and they’re the only two people I know back home who are night owls.
It’s Brendan though.
“Hey,” I say, taking a seat on the couch. Crystal gets up and goes into the bathroom.
“Hey. How are you?”
“Good.” I pull my feet up, sitting cross-legged.
“So,” he says. “I, uh, I’m going home early.”
My stomach squeezes, but I’m not sure if its regret or relief. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Cue the awkward silence.
“Why?” I croak.
I hear him take in a deep breath. “Talking with you made me realize some things. I was holding on to you. We spent a long time apart, and I guess I kind of had all these fantasies, you know? Like, I thought everything would still be the same between us.”
I look down at my nails. “I understand that.”
“And I’m just tired of Los Angeles. I thought I could do the summer, but I can’t. I got stuff to do at home, you know?”
“Your friends are there.”
“Yeah.”
“Your whole life.”
“Right.”
“I’ll be sorry to see you go,” I softly say and fall over on the sofa.
He pauses. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I honestly answer. “You’ll always be a big part of my life, Brendan. I don’t think saying goodbye to you will ever get easy.”
“Maybe you can drive me to the airport.”
“I’d like that. When are you going?”
“Saturday morning. My flight’s at nine.”
“Okay.” I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Traffic is going to be hell. We might get hours to say goodbye.”
He laughs. “That’s one thing I’m not going to miss. Once I’m home, I’ll be able to walk almost anywhere I need to be.”
A sudden pain hits me. It’s a kind of longing, but for what I’m not sure. I certainly don’t miss Manteo, so what is it? Perhaps I’m jealous for the sense of comfort and hominess Brendan has in his life. I like my lifestyle and the city I’m in, but it all still lacks something that I used to have. It’s that feeling you get when you know you belong in a certain place with certain people. It makes perfect sense that he’s going back. Manteo is his alcove in the world.
As exciting and freeing as my life can be out West, I don’t have that. There’s no tiny corner of the Universe that is assuredly mine, no matter what.
I clear my throat. “That will be nice, yeah.”
“Thanks for doing this. I’ll send you my flight info.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “See you then.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
I hang up. Crystal comes out of the bathroom, braiding her long hair. “Who was that?”
“Brendan. He’s leaving early.”
“Huh.”
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“Nope.” She fishes a hair tie out of her pocket and secures the braid. “There’s nothing here for him. You shot him down, remember? That shit hurts.”
I nibble on my thumb. “I know.”