Now I know what people mean when they say their blood boils. I have to remember to take in another breath and count to ten so that I don’t reach out and wrap my fingers around Brendan’s neck.
“I’m not fucking him,” I answer through gritted teeth.
Brendan’s eyebrows shoot up. “All right. Fine.”
“And don’t tell me someone else is cocky when you have the audacity to just show up at my apartment and start throwing accusations at me. I was getting on fine with my life, okay? And then you showed up out of the blue, and it seems to me like you came here with expectations, Brendan. That sounds pretty freaking cocky to me.”
His face reddens slightly, and I brace myself in preparation for the return fire.
Instead, his shoulders sag and his head droops. “You’re right. I did come here with expectations.”
He sounds so sad, all the anger in me dissipates. I almost take a step up the stairs to touch his shoulder, but the moment is still too awkward. Those few steps between us feel like a thousand miles.
“I understand it,” I murmur, remaining in my own space. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve missed everything we had.”
He gives me a woeful half smile.
“But I’m moving into a different place in life,” I go on and gesture around me.
“And I’m still in the same spot?”
“No,” I quickly say. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s true. Hell, I might not ever leave Manteo, and I’m fine with that.”
The conversation is getting to me. There’s an ache behind my eyebrows and my whole body suddenly feels incredibly tired. I sit down on the step next to him, keeping a careful distance so our legs don’t touch. The physical contact right now might do me over. I don’t want to end up asking him to stay when that won’t be a good choice for either one of us in the long run.
“I get it,” I say.
“Do you?”
I crack a smile. “No. Sorry. I’m glad to be here. I don’t ever want to move back to N.C.”
Brendan laughs. “Sorry about all this.”
“Me too.”
“What did you do? You didn’t do anything.”
I run a hand through my hair, pulling on one of the strands that curls at the nape of my neck. “I don’t think I should be let off the hook that easily.”
“You are kind of demanding.”
My mouth goes dry. “What?”
He instantly looks regretful. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that… it’s just that… you were…”
“It’s okay.”
“You were talking about things we did wrong…” He trails off again.
“Was I demanding of you?”
“When we were together.”
“Oh.”
I stare at the pool, absorbing this totally new information. “What did I do that was so demanding?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, Sydney. You have a Type A personality, you know? You like things your way. You always wanted me to come visit you here and you hardly ever came to see me.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur.
“Don’t worry about it. That’s in the past.”
I peek at him. “Was there anything else?”
He rubs his palms together. “Just lots of little things, but really, don’t worry about it.”
“Okay,” I whisper, knowing I won’t be able to forget about this conversation for a long time.
“I have to go.” He stands and stretches.
“Okay.” Now that things are semi-settled between us, I don’t want to let him slip away. What if he never comes back?
“Can we hang out again before you leave?” I ask.
He grins down at me, and in his face, I see half of the boy I knew and loved for years and half of the man he’s becoming, a person whose life is entirely separate from mine.
“Yeah. Bye, Sydney.”
“Bye.”
I wait until he’s gone out the front gate to head for my apartment. I kick my shoes off, letting them bounce against the wall, and then drop my bag on the floor. I halt when I see Eryk lying on the couch with his arm over his face, possibly asleep. I gently set my keys in the bowl and ease along the wall towards my room.
“Don’t rape me,” he murmurs.
I burst into laughter. “But you look so good laying there. Especially in your Pokemon pajamas.”
He laughs, then groans. “Ugh. Laughing hurts.”
“Your Pokemon pajamas hurt?” I cross the living room and sit down on one of the kitchen stools. “What’s wrong?”
“Headache.”
“Want me to get you something for it?”
He rolls over and opens his eyes. “I just took more Tylenol than I probably should have, so if I start having a seizure, you can call for an ambulance.”