Behind the Scenes(40)

What would happen if I just went for it and tried to hook up with Brendan again? The chemistry still seems to be there — at least on my end.

But it would never work out. He’s going home at the end of the summer.

So just bang him.

Wow. I don’t know where that last thought came from. I’ve never been one for casual sex. It’s because of what happened Thursday, I know it. Making out with a hot boss is enough to get even the most chaste person riled up. Unfortunately, the desire that encounter left me with seems to be making me crazy as well. I’m thinking of resorting to flat out using Brendan in order to satiate this extreme horniness.

“I had a good time Wednesday,” he says.

I take a gulp of water. “Yeah?”

He bobs his head. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since. It’s been kind of lonely here.” He looks down at his hands. “To tell you the truth, I’m not so sure why I even came here.”

My throat feels like there’s a rock in it. I clear it before speaking. “Why did you come here? Or why did you think you did?”

“I told myself I wanted to get away from home for a while.” He looks up and across the yard. “But maybe that’s not true.”

My fingers tighten around the sweating water glass. “Is there another reason?” I croak.

He laughs. “Come on, Sydney. It’s you.” His voice falls to a whisper. “I miss you a lot.”

I lick my lips. “I’ve missed you too.”

His face lights up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I can’t leave it there. I can’t lead him on. “But we broke up because the long distance thing didn’t work for us.”

I’m stating the obvious, but maybe he needs a reminder.

“I know,” he says.

I twist a lock of hair around my finger.

“I don’t think I could ever leave home.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Not for more than a few months.”

I can’t help but laugh.

“What?” he asks, squinting his eyes at me.

“I just don’t get it,” I say, my hands up in question. “What’s so good about that place?”

His brows knit together. “You grew up there. You know as well as I do. Come on, Sydney. Do you know who your neighbors are? Do you even know their names? Back home I know everyone on my street.”

“All right,” I concede. “You’re right about that. But still, there’s just so much more here that there isn’t in a small town.”

“Well, yeah, of course. There’s quantity. Everywhere you look there’s a new person or a new bar. But what about quality? Life is good in a small town. You can count on things being the same each day, and you can count on people.”

I bite my tongue. Things being the same each day is precisely the reason I ran away from our town in the first place.

“I kind of thought you might come home after school.”

I scoff. “What? Really? Why would I do that?”

He shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe I just hoped.”

His eyes catch mine and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows. What would it be like to kiss Brendan right now? Would it be the same as it was two years ago?

Would he wind his fingers through my hair and press his hands against the curve of my back?

I shut my eyes.

“What?” Brendan asked.

I shake my head, eyes still closed. I don’t remember Brendan ever wrapping my hair around his fingers. It’s Mr. Mulroney I’m thinking of. It’s his kiss.

Brendan’s touch grazes against my cheek and I open my eyes before sitting back in the lawn chair. My movement breaks the touch. Brendan drops his hand, looking disappointed.

I know how he feels.

He turns his head and looks out over the yard. I do the same, though there’s nothing to look at other than the back of the house on the next street.

“Is there someone else?” he asks, his voice more forceful now. “Is there a guy in your life now?”

I don’t answer.

“It’s okay,” he continues. “I didn’t even ask.” He blows out a long breath. “I didn’t want to know.”

I peek at him, taking in the way his hair falls over his forehead. His arms rest in his lap, his entire body is tense.

“Hasn’t there been anyone for you?” I ask.

He clears his throat. “A few girls. But none of them are like you. No one is like you, Sydney. I didn’t really appreciate what I had with you until it was over.”

He looks at me and I drop my gaze to the ground. I hate to hurt him. Three weeks ago, I probably would have fallen into his arms, but things are so much more complicated now.