Behind the Scenes(18)

Really, couldn’t we have made it work if we tried? Obviously, as of a year ago, I was still in love with the guy.

“What did you say?” I ask Lee, my voice cracking slightly.

“I told him you just got a job at a movie studio. He seemed really impressed. He’s working at a construction company now.”

I bite my tongue, resisting the urge to ask the question I’m burning to. In the end, I go ahead and ask it. “How did he look?”

“How did he look?” Lee hesitates. “Um… good. Really good. He’s really filled out. He’s got all these muscles now.”

“Oh.”

Crap, I shouldn’t have asked. Now I want to know even more.

“I wish I could come visit you,” Lee sullenly says.

I sit up straighter, glad for the change in topics. “You can. You should totally come!”

“Plane tickets are so expensive.”

I slump back against the wooden boards. “Yeah, I know.”

“Maybe in the fall.”

“How about you just move here?” I ask, half-serious. “Then you’d only have to get a one-way ticket.”

“What would I do there?”

“The same thing you do in Manteo, except in L.A. The only difference is that it would be better here.”

Lee laughs. “How? How would it be better?”

“I’d be here, for one.”

“True.”

“Also, there’s just so much more to do here.”

“Hm,” Lee murmurs. “I believe that. It’s just…”

“What?” I press, holding my breath.

“My family is here. And most of my friends.”

I don’t know what to say to that. Suddenly I don’t feel like Lee’s Best Friend Forever anymore. I feel like just another friend. It’s not like we share two parts of the same heart shaped necklace or twin woven bracelets we made together at summer camp, but we’ve been calling each other “my other half” for years now.

Though, come to think of it, it’s been months since that term escaped my lips.

When did things change?

“Don’t you ever get bored to death?” I ask.

“Sure. But it feels good to be close to everyone, you know? Here you can walk down the street and know the names of half the people you pass. And the other half of the people you at least recognize.”

I glance over at the couple leaving, knowing in most likelihood I’ll never see them again. “Yeah, it’s different here,” I agree.

“But I still want to visit some time.”

“That would be awesome.”

“Hey, so… when I see Brendan again, what do you want me to tell him?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t know…” She pauses. “Are you still into him?”

I stare at the scraggly bushes near the bench and chew at a loose cuticle on my thumb. “I don’t know. It’s been a year since I’ve even seen him.”

She blows out a breath, causing static to crackle over the line. “I know.”

“Even if I were into him, it wouldn’t matter.”

She pauses. “What if he wanted you back? Would you move home for him?”

I jerk my chin back. It’s such an odd question, and I’m getting the feeling she wants me to say yes.

“No.” I examine the answer and nod at the rightness of it. “I can’t have the career I want there. I need to be in Los Angeles. It’s my only option.”

“Okay.” She sounds slightly disappointed.

I bite the edge of my thumbnail, then realize what I’m doing and drop my hand in my lap. “Just tell him I said hi, will you?”

“Definitely. You know, I think you guys were a great couple.”

I smirk. “I know. You tell me that all the time. But I’m here now.”

“Yeah, a million miles away.”

“It’s not quite that far.” I chuckle.

“It feels like it,” she says with a sad laugh that makes my heart hurt. “Okay. I gotta go. I’m helping set up Anne-Marie’s baby shower.”

“She’s pregnant?” I nearly shriek, thinking of the friend who was in the same high school class as us.

“Sure is.”

“Damn. Didn’t she just get married?”

“Six months ago.”

I slowly shake my head, the whole concept of being married and expecting a baby at twenty-two completely foreign. Anne-Marie’s whole life is now planned out in front of her. She knows which man she’ll sleep with for the rest of her days and what will be expected out of her: changing diapers and driving to soccer practice.

The idea of committing that much to one way of living freaks me out.