Behind Palace Doors(28)

He had to get her back. He couldn't lose their friendship. Victoria was  the single most important woman in his life, and living without her was  incomprehensible.

Stefan gripped his glass, resting his other hand on the bar and hanging  his head down between his shoulders. Hindsight was just as cruel as  fate, in his opinion. He'd known he was using her, had known that he  needed to in order to gain what he wanted. But fate had dangled all  those opportunities in front of his face and he'd taken chances he never  should've taken-the marriage, the documentary...the sex. Because all of  those chances didn't just involve his life, they affected Victoria's.

He hurled the Scotch tumbler across the room, not feeling any better  when the crackling of glass and shards splintering to the floor  resounded in the room.

Seconds later his guard burst through the door. "Your Highness, are you all right?"

Stefan shook his head. No, he was not all right.

"Glass broke," he said. "I'll clean it."

With that, the guard backed out again, leaving Stefan alone once more.  But alone wasn't good. Alone meant he had only his thoughts to keep him  company, and it was those haunting thoughts that had that invisible band  around his chest tightening.

Memories of Victoria washed over him-on their wedding day gliding down  the aisle, swimming in the ocean, beneath him in bed, gazing up at him  like he was her world.

If they were just friends, then this revelation about the movie  wouldn't have hurt her so badly. He'd lost her as his wife...he refused  to lose his best friend, too.

* * *

Victoria was still in her office. Her employees had left long ago, but  she stood in the middle of her spacious sewing room in front of the  three-way mirror trying her hardest to pin the dress without sticking  herself...again. The design was finally coming along, and she wanted to  get it finished tonight.

Working through a broken heart was the only way she would get past  this. She had to throw all her emotions into her work because if she  went home, if she had to stop and even think for a moment about her  personal life, she'd crumble and may never recover.

A knot formed in her stomach. She hated regrets, and hated even more  that those regrets circled around Stefan. Fury filled her, pain consumed  her. But at the end of the day she only had herself to blame for  falling in love with him. She should've known better. Hadn't she seen  over the years how he was with women? Hadn't she witnessed firsthand how  he'd discarded them when they got too close?

And Victoria had fallen into his trap, fallen for those charms and  assumed that bond they'd formed as teens would get them through  anything. But even the strongest bonds could be broken with enough  force.

On a sigh, she shoved a pin through the silk gathered at her waist and  glanced up into the mirror. A scream caught in her throat at the sight  of the man standing behind her.

"Need a hand?" Stefan asked.

She whirled around. "How did you get in here?"

"Door was unlocked."

She'd been so wrapped up in her anger, her hurt and work to check it after her last employee left.

"I've called you for days. You never answered or returned my calls."

Victoria crossed her arms over her chest, as if that could protect her from allowing any more hurt to seep in.

"I went by your house first," he told her, still remaining in the  doorway as if he were afraid to come closer. Smart man. "I should've  known you'd be here working."

"And as you can see, I'm busy."

She lifted the heavy skirt of her silk gown and turned back to the  mirror. Reaching for another pin from the large cushion on the table  beside her, she tugged at the bustline. If that didn't get pinned, she'd  be spilling out, and she refused to ever let Stefan have the privilege  of seeing her naked again.

"I flew all this way to talk to you, Tori. Don't shut me out."

With care, she slid the pin in, annoyed at her shaky hands. "I didn't  shut you out. You did that when you chose to keep the film to yourself  and use me for my brothers."

"Na pari i eychi, Victoria." He moved farther into the room, his eyes  locking onto hers in the mirror. "You won't even listen to me? I've been  up front with you about everything else other than the film, but you've  already lumped me into that same jerk category as Alex and assumed the  worst."

"So what if I have?" she asked him. "You took my trust and loyalty for  granted. You knew going in you wanted to use my brothers for this  documentary. Why not just tell me?"                       
       
           



       

Resting his hands on his denim-clad hips, he shook his head. "I knew  you had enough going on in your life. This film really didn't involve  you."

She was wrong. The hurt could slice deeper. She'd always heard that the  people you love most could also hurt you the most. Too bad she had to  experience the anguish and despair to understand the saying.

"I see." She swallowed, turning back around to face him. From up on the  large pedestal where she stood, she was now eye to eye with him. "I've  been your best friend, then wife and lover, but you didn't think this  involved me. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? I obviously  wasn't as much a part of your life as I thought because I assumed we  shared everything. My mistake and one I certainly won't make again."

"Tori, I can't change what I did, but I can't let you go, either. I need you."

"Ah, yes. The beloved crown and country," she all but mocked.

"Don't," he told her. "Don't let your anger get in the way of doing what is right."

She nearly laughed at that. Doing what is right? Fine, then, since she  prided herself on honesty, she'd do what was right and tell him how she  felt.

"I fell in love with you," she blurted out. Her eyes locked on his.  "Crazy, isn't it? And I don't mean love in the way a friend loves  another. I love you in the way a woman loves a man, a wife loves a  husband. You don't know how I wish I could turn these emotions off."

When he remained silent, Victoria kept going, ignoring the dark circles beneath his heavy-lidded baby blues.

"I thought you loved me," she said, not caring that she was bearing her  soul. This situation couldn't get any more humiliating, anyway. "I was  naive enough to think that all your actions were signs that you were  taking our relationship deeper, but you don't love me. If you did, I  wouldn't be hurting like this right now. You only flew here because you  care about yourself, not me."

Moisture filled Stefan's eyes, but Victoria refused to believe he was affected by her declaration.

"But I'm willing to give you a chance to speak for yourself. Do you  love me? Is that why you're here?" she asked, searching his eyes.  "Honestly?"

"As much as I ever did," he told her. "You're my best friend."

She lowered her lids over the burn, a lone tear streaking down her  cheek. "Do you love me as more than a friend, Stefan?" she asked,  opening her eyes.

"If I could love anyone, Tori, it would be you."

"So the answer is no."

Silence enveloped them, and she couldn't stand another minute in his  sight. And since he was making no move to leave, and this was her turf,  she'd have to be the one to walk away.

"You're the last man I will ever let humiliate me," she told him,  damning her cracking voice. "And you're the last man I'll ever love."

He reached up and swiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb. "Can you at least work with me for the coronation?"

"I will stay married to you until then, but I cannot live with you. This marriage will be in name only from here on out."

She stepped off the platform and started to move by him.

"But you'll you be at the coronation?" he asked.

She stopped in her tracks, her shoulders stiffened, but she did not  turn around. "I would never go back on my word to a friend. I'll be  there."

* * *

Countless times he'd lied. He'd lied his way through his teen years,  lied when he knew the truth would only get him into trouble, but he  couldn't mislead Victoria when she'd asked him if he loved her. Not even  when he knew the truth would break her even more.

She'd accused him of humiliating her, which made him no better than the  bastard who'd publicly destroyed her. The end result was the same.  Victoria trusted and loved with her whole heart and had ended up hurt.

Stefan rested his hands against the marble rail on the edge of his  master suite's balcony. Over and over during the past three months, he'd  replayed his time with Victoria, looking for those moments he'd missed,  trying to see exactly where he went wrong.

He knew she loved him as a friend. Friend love was something he could  handle. But this deeper love he'd been afraid of coming from her was  just something he couldn't grasp. He'd never loved a woman other than  his mother. In his world love meant commitment and loyalty-two things he  reserved for his country.