Behind Closed Doors(74)

We eat the cake, drink more champagne. Millie and the children resume their games and the rest of us sit around chatting. I have trouble concentrating, but when I hear Janice saying that she’ll enjoy coming to see Millie in our beautiful house, I seize the chance to make it a reality.

‘Why don’t we fix a date now?’ I turn to the others. ‘And maybe we could take Millie and the children to the music festival and have a picnic there—they seem to be getting along well. Doesn’t it start at the beginning of July?’

‘What a good idea!’ Diane exclaims. ‘And is anybody interested in a trip to the zoo? I’ve promised to take mine as soon as school breaks up.’

‘Millie would love that,’ I say, eager to fill her diary.

‘Before you get carried away, Grace,’ Jack interrupts, ‘I have another surprise for you. Well, for you and Millie actually.’

I feel myself go cold. ‘Another surprise?’

‘Don’t look so worried,’ Moira jokes. ‘Knowing Jack, I’m sure it’ll be something nice.’

‘I didn’t really want to tell you yet,’ Jack says apologetically to me, ‘but, as you’re making all these arrangements for the summer holidays, I think you should know that I’m taking you and Millie to New Zealand, to see your parents.’

‘New Zealand!’ breathes Diane. ‘Gosh, I’ve always wanted to go to New Zealand.’

‘When?’ I stammer.

‘Well, I thought we’d give Millie a few days to settle in and leave around the middle of July,’ he says.

‘But Millie’s meant to be starting work at the garden centre in August,’ I say, wondering what he’s playing at. ‘It’s a long way to go for a couple of weeks.’

‘I’m sure they won’t mind if she starts a week or two later, especially if we explain why.’

‘Don’t you think it’ll be too much for Millie, going to New Zealand so soon after moving in? Surely it would be better to wait until Christmas?’

‘I think she’ll be thrilled,’ Janice intervenes. ‘She’s been dreaming of going since we did a class project on New Zealand, just after your parents moved there.’

‘If I went to New Zealand, I’m not sure I’d want to come back,’ says Diane. ‘It’s meant to be quite beautiful.’

‘That’s one of the dangers, of course,’ agrees Jack. ‘Millie could end up loving it so much that she might ask to stay there permanently, with her parents.’

The pennies begin to drop and I realise that he’s preparing Millie’s exit from society. ‘She would never do that,’ I say fiercely. ‘For a start, she would never leave me.’

‘But what if you decided to stay there too?’ Jack asks. His tone is playful, but I understand only too well that he’s preparing the ground for my exit as well.

‘I wouldn’t,’ I say. ‘I could never leave you, Jack, surely you know that?’

But I could kill you, I add silently. In fact, I’m going to have to.





PAST


The pile of pills under my mattress gave me a new lease of life. For the first time in six months escaping from Jack became a real possibility and I felt humbly grateful to Millie for stepping in and forcing me to take charge again. After the trouble she had gone to, to get me the pills, I was determined not to let her down. But I needed to plan carefully. Not least of my problems was the fact that the pills were an unknown quantity. Even if I managed to get them into Jack, I had no idea how long it would be before they started to take effect, or what that effect would be. And how many pills would it take to knock him out? There were so many variables, so many ifs and buts.

I began by looking for a way to get them into one of Jack’s drinks. The only time we ever took a drink together was when we were at dinner, with other people around, and if my plan was to work I would have to get him to take the pills here, in this house, while we were on our own. I spent the night considering every possibility and, by the time he brought me my dinner the following evening, I already had an idea of how I could do it. But I needed to start laying the foundations at once.

I made sure he found me sitting despondently on the bed, my back to the door. When I didn’t turn around and take the tray, as I usually did, he placed it beside me on the bed and left without saying a word. Just knowing that the food was there was difficult, especially as I hadn’t eaten since lunch with Millie the previous day, but I was determined not to eat it. The next day he didn’t bother bringing me any food at all but, as the tray was still there and I was even hungrier, it was hard not to be tempted. But whenever I considered giving in and eating just a little to stave off the hunger pangs, I conjured up a picture of the room in the basement and placed Millie inside it. Then it was easy.