Dimly, she realized Cam was running his hand down her spine trying to soothe her, but the days of him being her savior were long gone. Cam lied to her and cheated on her and Jax… she didn’t even know what Jax did. He’d never promised anything. In fact, he readily agreed to keep their relationship secret. I guess she understood why. They both had their reasons, and apparently his were bigger than hers. She choked on a sob and she felt the edges of her vision blur. Oh God, she was a meaningless fling, just something to check off a list before he married Katie.
Bre pushed Cam away and walked toward the door. “I need to be alone. I can’t talk right now.”
Cam pulled her back to him. “You’re not going anywhere. Let me take care of you until you feel better.”
“No,” she whispered, afraid to look at him, because she knew she’d fall apart if she saw the pity in his eyes.
Chapter Thirty
“Bre, I love you. We’ll get through this. We always do.” Cam wrapped one of his hands around the nape of her neck, gently rubbing her muscles as he nuzzled into her, kissing her behind her ear. He loved the way she smelled. “I hate that he hurt you. I could kill him,” Cam’s voice was gentle. Since the first time he saw Bre after she moved in next door, he had an overwhelming need to take care of her. When he saw her crying under a tree in her yard on her tenth birthday, her big, beautiful golden eyes red and swollen, he promised he’d never let anyone hurt her again. He’d fucking failed on so many levels. He felt sick about how cruelly he’d treated her this past year. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Bre pried her fingers between them, pushing against his chest, but Cam wouldn’t budge. He needed Bre to know he loved her and he’d be there for her forever.
“No, Cam,” Bre said, shaking her head. “Let go.”
Cam dropped his arms and stepped away from her. “Okay, but I’m here for you. This is my fault. I should have realized that Jax would do this. I shouldn’t have let him in. I encouraged the friendship and pushed you right into his arms.” Cam raked his fingers through his hair. He basically handed Bre to Jax on a platter. He was an idiot.
“No, Cam. What Jax did or didn’t do isn’t your fault. I made choices, and I believed in him.” Sitting down on the sofa, Bre’s head fell forward into her hands, as she released a strangled sob. “Part of me wants to hate him, but I can’t. I still want to believe in him.”
Feeling helpless, Cam shoved his hands in his pockets. “Bre, I still want to be with you. We belong together….”
“Oh God,” she groaned through her hands that still covered her face.
“I’ll wait until you’re ready,” Cam responded quickly, not wanting to pressure her. “I know we have a lot to work through. I hurt you. I get that. I can’t believe what I did to you, to us. I feel sick. I promised to be there for you when we were kids, I intend to live up to that promise.” And he did. He may have let her down, but he’d spend the rest of life making it up to her if she’d let him.
She dropped her hands and looked him in the eyes. “Cam, I love him. I don’t want to work through things with you. We can be friends, but regardless of what happens with Jax, we won’t get back together.”
Cam paced the length of the room, uncertain how to fix this. Exhaling loudly, he turned to face her. “Why?”
“Why, what?” Bre asked confused.
“Why him and not me?” he asked as he sat down next to her. It was awkward and his heart literally felt like it’d been torn to shreds since the minute he saw her luggage at Jax’s house. But seeing her like this…this was almost worse. He needed to understand, he needed to understand her feelings for Jax. He looked at her, searching for an answer, when it hit him like a punch in the gut, she wasn’t his anymore, he could see it in her eyes.
“I don’t know. I can’t explain. I do love you, but not like I love him. With him, it’s so much more.” The air rushed out of his lungs in loud swish. “I didn’t understand the difference until recently. I feel strong when I’m with him. He makes me feel happy, whole, cherished. You’re my friend, and we’ve known each other for a long time. It’s comfortable being with you, but both of us deserve more than that. We shouldn’t settle. Well, maybe if we’re forty, and we still can’t find anyone who will deal with us, and I’ve started a cat collection.” Bre laughed lightly. He loved when she laughed.
“You don’t need to decide right now. Take some time,” he said, making one last effort to hold onto her. He twirled her hair around his finger, fearing it might be the last time he could touch her like this.