“Theoretically, I understand that, but usually when the time comes to grab something I want, I start to feel guilty.” Bre held her breath for a minute and then she let it out in an exaggerated exhalation. “I don’t ever want to be like her. She doesn’t care about anyone.”
“You could never be like her. Stop living your life trying to be her antithesis. Live your life being you.”
Bre laughed. “I guess I’m not worried about being like her when I’m with Jax. I’m just me.”
“And how do you feel when you’re Cam?”
“Like we have a bunch of baggage weighing us down, and when I say that, I don’t mean just our recent issues. He went through so many of my childhood problems with me, and sometimes that’s a little overwhelming. When I’m around Cam, I feel as if I’m stuck and unable to grow as a person. It’s stifling and comfortable at the same time.” She let out a shaky sigh, staring unseeing at the dark television set hanging on Cam’s wall. “Does that make me crazy? Wanting to hold onto my past and run away from it at the same time.”
“No. That makes sense.” There was a long silence. “So what are you going to do? Are you going to tell Cam?”
“I wasn’t, but now, I think it’s only fair. I owe it to him to be honest. I feel like I can’t stand being in my own skin with all these lies hanging over me.” When Sara didn’t comment, Bre said, “What is it, Sara? I know you’re holding back. It’s not like you to be so silent.”
“Do you think Cam has always been faithful?”
“I have no reason to believe otherwise,” Bre said immediately.
“Are you sure about that?”
“Sara, what aren’t you saying?”
“I don’t know, Bre. I know you and Cam have known each other for a long time, and in your mind, you guys are totally honest about everything, but I wouldn’t be judging yourself too harshly about what happened with Jax. There have been plenty of rumors about Cam. Nobody has ever said anything to your face, but I’ve heard things, and while everything may not be true, that doesn’t mean there isn’t any truth in them.”
Bre pushed herself into a seated position on the sofa and braced her head with one of her hands. “What did you hear?” Her voice was hoarse.
“Well, I heard Mia bragging that they hook up when she goes to his gigs.”
“Those were just rumors. Nothing was ever confirmed, and Mia would say anything to separate us. I think she truly believes that if I were out of the picture, Cam would date her. Have you heard anything else?”
“Yes, there’s always a rumor or two floating around.”
“That’s to be expected. He’s like a local celebrity, so people like to gossip about him, but I’m the guilty party.”
“So you’ve heard some other rumors about Cam, too?”
“Some, mostly bits and pieces when people don’t think I’m listening and…” Bre looked down and started fiddling with the yarn dangling off the end of the blanket again.
“And what?”
“Jax made a few heated comments that made me think they all aren’t rumors. He didn’t come out and make any direct accusations, but he alluded to some stuff that made me think I close my eyes to things because I want to trust Cam.”
“So what does your heart tell you?”
They both sat on the phone in silence, neither saying a word. She honestly didn’t know what she believed. She had ignored the rumors, pretended as if she didn’t hear the whispers, and tried to pretend Cam hadn’t changed even though she knew they both had.
A few moments later, Cam opened the front door and turned on the lights in the entry. Bre stared at Cam with her red-rimmed eyes as he walked toward her and sat next to her on the sofa. “Sara, I have to go. Cam’s home,” she said softly.
“Good luck, Bre,” Sara replied before disconnecting the call.
“What’s going on, Bre? Why does it look as though you’re planning to sleep on the sofa?”
Bre shifted to the end of the sofa, leaning over the side table to turn on the lamp. She hastily grabbed a pillow and clutched it to her chest as she studiously avoided looking at Cam. “I thought it might be better if I sleep out here tonight.”
Abruptly standing up, Cam headed to the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? I have a feeling this is going to be a long night.”
“Coffee would be great,” Bre replied, ignoring Cam’s commentary.
As he spooned coffee grounds in the coffeemaker, Bre swung her legs off the couch and followed him into the kitchen.