Before You(45)

After brushing her teeth, she sagged to her knees, resting her head on the toilet seat. She knew this wasn’t going to be the last time she’d pine her prior state of righteous indignation at Jax being in her bed. Ignorance had its benefits.

As her eyes drifted closed, she heard a light knock at the bathroom door. “Bre, can we talk?”

“Jax, just go back to your hotel or wherever you’re staying, and I’ll call you later.”

“I don’t have a hotel. We left the hotel bar before I had a chance to check in.”

Bre groaned. “Well, just go anywhere but here. I can’t deal with this right now.”

“I’ll leave, but not until we’ve talked.”

Bre banged her head lightly against the toilet seat desperately, hoping it all would disappear—everything, not just Jax. If only she could go back in time and make this all disappear, she would be one happy, no, ecstatic person. “Fine, but then you’re leaving,” Bre replied as she threw on the robe hanging from the back of the door.

As she opened the door, Jax handed her a glass of ice water. “I thought you might need this.”

“Oh… thanks,” she mumbled, her voice barely audible.

“Look, Bre. I’m sorry I acted like an ass this morning. I was frustrated. I guess you drank more than I realized last night. If I had any idea, I would have never let last night happen.”

“Last night shouldn’t have happened for more reasons than me having too much to drink. You’re one of Cam’s best friends.”

“And you’re Cam’s girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend. We broke up last night. Remember?” She retorted sharper than she intended.

Running his hands through his perpetually messy hair, Jax sighed. “I know. I meant that I’m not the only person responsible for what happened last night.”

Bre knew without a doubt that Jax was right. Never a fan of people who tried to place blame on other people for their mistakes, she refused to start doing it now just because she had made the biggest mistake of her life. Fumbling with the belt of her robe to avoid looking at him, she cleared her throat. “I know. What should we do? I don’t want to lie to Cam, but I don’t know if telling him is the right answer. What happened between us was wrong on so many levels. I feel sick when I think about it.”

For a second, Jax looked hurt by her comment, but he suppressed the emotion so fast, she wasn’t completely sure what she saw. No, Jax wasn’t hurt. She was just another fling to him, one of many. As the thought floated through her mind, she felt queasy again, because the thought of being one of many faceless women in Jax’s life didn’t sit well with her.

“It didn’t make you feel sick last night,” Jax replied, his voice hard and bristling. Then, his voice softened. “I know you feel something for Cam. You two have been together for a long time, but it’s not as if last night was out of the blue. There’s been something happening between us for a long time. You can’t deny it.”

Feeling the blush heat her face, she ducked her head and turned her back to him. She knew there was truth in what Jax said. When she visited Cam in LA, she’d ended up spending more time with Jax than Cam. Cam was always busy and preoccupied, and Jax was Jax. He always had time for her, but she never seriously considered what his attention meant. If she were honest with herself, however, the signs were there.

The sailing trip and the night Cam disappeared at Jax’s party, Jax entertained her and laughed with her. That night when he kissed her, she wanted that and so much more, but when he walked out of the room five minutes later with Katie and moved on to a random five minutes after that, she convinced herself it didn’t mean anything.

After her grandma died over a month ago, Cam’s work and the band once again prevented him from being by her side. Even though she tried to empathize with his busy schedule, it killed her that Cam wouldn’t alter his plans when her grandma had played a huge part in both their lives. Jax showed up at the last minute, claiming he was Cam’s proxy. Strange enough, when Jax arrived, she didn’t give another thought to Cam’s absence. She let Jax hold her hand and console her through the entire ceremony. No, let was the wrong word. She didn’t let him do it. She craved it, she needed it, and even seeing the looks of surprise flash across people’s faces when they saw it too, she didn’t let go or push him away. She needed him, and she was too distraught to turn away the comfort he provided.

Lost in her reflections, she startled slightly when Jax slipped his hands around her waist, loosely looping his thumbs under the belt of her ivory silk robe. She knew she should tell him not to touch her or step out of his embrace, but she couldn’t do it. Instead, she inhaled his scent and leaned the back of her head against his chest, remembering every detail of last night. Perfection was the only word she could think of to describe being with him last night, but the fact that she even had that thought was wicked on so many levels, so she covered her face, hoping it would erase her feelings and hide them from the world.