The next morning I almost gave up my spot in the front passenger seat on the ride home, but I knew that would raise suspicion since I'd been loud about getting it in the first place. However, I was quiet and Jo noticed. She sent me a text from the back of the car telling me she was worried about me.
I was breaking.
I so wanted to tell her everything.
But I held my silence and was grateful when Nate dropped me at my door so I could hurry inside away from all of their questioning looks.
There was no word from Nate for the rest of the day, and no word all day Monday. I left work, going over everything in my mind, trying to make sense of it all. To understand how I could have let myself fall.
When I couldn't do that, I sought distraction …
'Liv?' Joss stood in her doorway, surprise slackening her features.
My brow furrowed at her appearance. She had dark circles under her eyes, her olive skin had a sickly pallor to it, and altogether she did not look like a healthy pregnant woman.
Before she could come up with an excuse to keep me out, I barged into her flat. 'Is Braden here?' I threw over my shoulder as I marched toward the kitchen.
'No, he's at work.'
She appeared in the doorway as I set about making coffee. My eyes washed over her. 'You need to take better care of yourself.'
Joss smoothed a strand of hair back into her ponytail. 'I've been busy. A literary agent in New York now represents me.'
A teaspoon of sugar froze over my mug. 'She loved your book?'
'She loved my book.'
I grinned excitedly. 'Joss, that's amazing.'
Her smile was bright, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. 'Yeah.'
My gaze dropped to her stomach. 'So what's – '
'She thinks I should start working on another.' She interrupted me, almost frantically.
I knew deflection when I saw it. I let her get away with it. Just for a little while. Coffee made, biscuits on a plate, I carried them into the sitting room for us and settled back on her couch while she curled up in an armchair. Her words were hurried, breathless, so lacking in her usual composure that I could feel the unease growing in my gut. It was clear she was willing to talk to me about her books until she was blue in the face if it meant I wouldn't ask about the pregnancy.
Finally, just when I was about to stop her and cut to the chase, we heard the sound of the front door opening. I watched Joss tense, as if she was a fragile pane of unsupported glass, bracing against a harsh wind.
My heart pitter-pattered on her behalf as she chewed on her lower lip, her eyes on the sitting room door as heavy footsteps made their way toward it. Braden's large frame filled the doorway. His eyes were tired and the corners of his mouth were turned down. 'Liv.' He gave me a chin lift in greeting before his gaze moved to Joss. They narrowed at the sight of her. 'Did you sleep today?'
Joss shook her head. 'I couldn't.'
Annoyed, he said, 'You need to get some sleep.' Without another word he turned on his heel, tugging at his tie as he wandered out of sight.
The tension between them was obvious. The apartment was thick with it. 'Joss,' I whispered. 'Girl, what are you doing?'
'Don't.'
So I shut up, not sure what to say, or how to help. A few minutes later Braden walked past the door, calling out, 'I've got a late meeting with Adam.' The front door shut behind him.
Joss flinched and I saw her throat working as she tried not to cry.
'Oh, honey.' I moved to get up to hug her, but she held up a hand, warding me off.
Tears glimmered in her eyes. 'You hug me and I won't stop crying. And I need to not cry.'
I stayed where I was.
'It's not me,' she promised. 'I haven't shut him out. I'm just having a really hard time right now and I ruined it. I ruined this for him.'
'He's the one not talking to you?'
'He talks,' she answered dryly. 'But it's … it's like he can barely stand to be in the same room as me. He hasn't asked me how I feel about it now that the shock has worn off. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want me to touch him … '
'I'm sorry, Joss.'
'He's never been like that. I think I've fucked up.' She laughed hysterically and immediately burst into hard, shaking sobs.
There was no way I wasn't hugging her.
Cradling her against me, I held her until she cried herself out.
When her body stopped shuddering, I heard the soft whimper of her breathing and realized that she'd fallen asleep on me. I couldn't move. I daren't.
Fifteen minutes later, the front door opened and Braden came striding back into the sitting room, looking like a man who meant business. Clearly, he'd decided not to meet Adam. I don't know what his purpose was in coming back – whether it was to shout at Joss or try to bridge the distance between them – but I instantly glared him into silence.