When she returned, Alec was already dressed and ready to go. His gaze landed on the bag in her right hand and then homed in on the ring. “I didn’t know where you went. I thought . . . Are you upset?”
She recognized that “bracing for pain” expression he’d always donned whenever his father entered the room. He must’ve thought she’d run away this morning, which she sort of had. Now he expected to be hurt.
The thought of adding to the vein of rejection that ran through Alec like a wormhole wrung her heart.
“You were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you.” She gave him a quick kiss, willing her lingering doubts into submission as she raised the bag up. “Not even you could whip up breakfast without a quick restocking. This time, I’ll cook.”
He stared at her an extra second, assessing and hopeful. She pushed down the knowledge that she’d already started repeating the bad patterns from her marriage of hiding her doubts to spare his feelings.
“Trying to prove that you actually did learn to cook from watching me in high school?” His grin lit a match in her chest, loosening the tightness.
“Something like that.” Although she felt as vulnerable as he looked, she could do this, dammit. She wanted to do this with Alec. “Tea or coffee?”
“Neither, thanks.” He sank onto a kitchen stool. “What do you have planned today?”
“During my walk, I got an idea. What if we use the fund we discussed to help the homeless?”
“I’d assumed we’d support an environmental cause, given Mark’s and Joe’s passion for the wilderness.” Alec rubbed his chin. “Why the homeless?”
“It’s a real problem in the city. I also think many suffer from mental illness. Without the support they need, they end up alone and lost. I think Mark—” She shook her head and prayed Alec didn’t catch her slip of tongue. “I think Mark and Joe would support that. The environment is important, but people matter more.”
“Okay, then.” Alec’s warm smile wrapped around her heart. “The homeless.”
“Thank you.” She cracked eggs into a bowl. “We could visit the Burnside Shelter this morning and find out what they need—food, beds, clothing.”
“I can’t today. I skipped my morning cycling with Hunter, but I can’t blow off my mom, too. I promised I’d drive to the coast with her to visit my gram.”
She whisked the eggs, wondering if Alec was keeping Hunter’s reaction from her. “Hunter must be pissed about being blown off.”
“I texted him an apology in case he waited around.”
The wire whisk landed against the edge of the bowl with a clank. “You have your phone?”
“I know. Shocking!” He pulled it from his pocket, smiling, then set it on her counter.
“How’d he react to this?” She gestured between them, forcing the issue.
“I didn’t mention it. You were gone. I thought you’d had regrets.” He glanced at her ring again, a stoic mask covering his emotions. “Do you, Colby?”
She’d sworn she wouldn’t start a new relationship with dishonesty, yet she couldn’t hurt him. Especially when her doubts didn’t rise to the level of regret. She might fear the part of her heart vibrating with happiness and hope, but she didn’t want to shut it off, either. Her hesitation must’ve telegraphed uncertainty, causing his crestfallen expression.
“It’s okay, you know.” He stood. “I should get out of your way this morning. On Wednesday you can let me know what the rescue shelter says, and we’ll work on that project together.”
Her throat tightened, but the voice in her head shouted “Don’t go!”
“Wait.” She turned off the stove and dashed around the breakfast bar, placing her hands on his chest. “I don’t regret last night, Alec. I don’t.”
“I hear a ‘but’ in there . . .” He didn’t embrace her. “Last night you said you wanted to put Mark behind you, but today you’re wearing his ring again.”
“I know. I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it. My feelings about Mark are complicated. I need to take baby steps.” She tugged at his shirt. “You said you’d be patient.”
He nodded. “I will be.”
“Thank you.” She wound her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. Once he hugged her, she breathed again. This part felt so right she couldn’t let her chickenshit heart steal her chance at happiness with this man and his perfect kisses. “Let’s talk to Hunter together, unless that makes you uncomfortable.”