As I spun around, that's when I caught Calder's eye, standing still, watching me between two groups of people who were standing still and chatting. For just a brief flash, I saw the wild look in his eyes as he took in Hector's hand on my arm. But he didn't move. And then Hannah came to stand beside him and his eyes broke from mine as he looked down at her and smiled. Possessiveness assaulted me. His smiles are for me. I didn't have much, but I had those. They were my everything.
"I don't feel well," I said to Hector, still looking behind him. "I need to lie down."
Hector looked at me, a knowing look coming into his eyes. "Yes, of course you do. Go rest. Rebalance yourself. I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow morning."
I turned and walked away, back to the main lodge. I couldn't help but note in all the years I'd been in Acadia, it was the first time I'd been allowed to walk anywhere publicly by myself. I supposed it was not only because Hector sensed I needed time to myself in my own room, but because there was nowhere else I could go.
I'll kill Hector in his sleep tonight, I thought wildly as I ran up the small slope to the main lodge. Every minute of misery in my life was because of him. But when I got inside and closed the door behind me, and stood breathing hard against the wall, the idea seemed desperate and stupid. And I didn't think I had the heart to kill anyone, even Hector.
In my room, I lay down on my bed and curled into the pain. If Calder married, how would things work out for us? Even if we were able to leave, Calder would be married to someone else. Didn't he have a duty to take care of her? Could he just leave her here when we left?
If I were married to Hector though, it wouldn't stop me from leaving. Calder was doing what he had to do and I had to trust him. Be strong, Morning Glory.
I skipped dinner and went to bed early, so emotionally exhausted I could barely stand. Surprisingly, sleep claimed me easily and I sunk gratefully into her dark nothingness.
The next thing I knew, the gentle patter of rain was hitting my window. I rolled over and tried to drift back to sleep, but the particularly hard pinging of a drop hitting a particular surface, kept me from falling back into my dream. I groaned and put the pillow over my head, but the pinging every few seconds continued.
For a minute, I let the memories of watching Calder pledge his commitment to someone else assault me, feeling the hole in my chest open up again. Now I'd never fall back to sleep. I'd lie here all night imagining Calder and Hannah sharing the same bed . . . eventually.
Ping!
I stayed in bed for a few minutes, listening. The pinging stopped, so I threw back my blankets, put my feet on the floor, rubbing my eyes and standing to look out the window. I startled and clamped my hands over my mouth when I saw a form right outside, looking in at me. As my eyes widened, I saw it was Calder. For the love of the gods!
I hurriedly opened my window and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him inside. He climbed over my desk and stepped to the floor, a puddle already pooling beneath him.
"What are you doing?" I hissed, closing the window.
"I had to see you."
I stood back. "We promised not to risk this."
Calder breathed out. "I know, but Eden, after today, I had to see you. You know I had no choice."
My shoulders sagged. "What did he do to you?"
Calder ran his hand through his hair, droplets spraying out around him.
"He told me to leave here or marry Hannah."
"Then why didn't you leave?" I whispered miserably. "Maybe that would be the better thing to do. You could have gone ahead and waited for me and Xander—"
"With a hundred and something dollars? I've never even met the girl who's going to help us." He stepped closer and cupped my face in his hands. "I can't leave you here, Eden. I did what I had to do to stay near you. And maybe this way," he looked away for a second and then back to me, "Hector's attention will be off us even more. I made it sound like I thought it was a good idea."
"You didn't even look at me," I said, tears filling my eyes. "Not once did you even look my way."
"I couldn't. Hector was watching me like a hawk. And if I had looked at you, my feelings would have been all over my face. And I knew," he took my chin in his fingers and tilted my face up to his, "I knew you were being strong, Morning Glory. I knew you trusted I wouldn't be going through with any of this if it wasn't for us."
"It just made me wonder . . . it made me wonder, if you wonder what it would be like . . ." I shook my head, exasperated with myself for being so tongue-tied.
Calder tipped my chin up with his pointer finger. "Then ask me, Morning Glory. All you ever have to do is ask me."