Hector steepled his fingers and regarded me for a minute. "When I built Acadia, it was my vision that this be a place of peace and harmony for those who chose to make their home. The lucky ones are the ones who don't have to adjust to life here. It's all they've ever known. However, what I neglected to consider is that young men, especially, need continued purpose. I tried to give Calder Raynes that by appointing him my personal water bearer, but that didn't work and I excused him from that position. I don't often make mistakes, but I've watched him grow increasingly dissatisfied with Acadia. I've watched him stray from our righteous path. And if Calder, a boy," he paused, "no, a man now, whom many other boys look up to, begins to stray, what will that do? It will cause them to consider straying as well. The balance here, the harmony, will cease to exist. Clearly, our family can't have that if we're to stay intact, strong, and free of sin. Do you agree, Eden?"
I stared at him. I clasped my hands in my lap, attempting to control the trembling. "I just don't understand what marriage has to do with this, Hector?" I looked down.
"Marriage and family, they focus a man, give him purpose, something bigger than himself. The gods have spoken to me and they have made it clear it's what Calder Raynes needs." He paused, a storm passing over his face. "Him especially. He has sin and evil in him, Eden. You have no idea." He paused, his expression going neutral again. "It's my job to care for my family, and although Calder has disappointed me, it's my duty to help him back onto the righteous path. I believe a wife will do that. I suggested it to him, and he agreed."
I swallowed. "He agreed?" I whispered.
"Yes, he did, quite enthusiastically so."
"But . . . his sister just died," I said, feeling bile rise up in my throat. Please don't let me be sick right here. This couldn't be right. This was all some kind of mistake. Calder was taking me and leaving here. He wasn't marrying someone else. Calder loved me. Doubt crept in. Had Maya's death done something to Calder's commitment to leave here with me? Dread settled in my belly, and a heavy lump rose up my throat.
Hector nodded, tapping the pads of his fingers together. "Yes, all the more reason to give him the purpose he obviously craves . . . to help him value his family more, rather than his own selfish motives." Hector glanced out the window again, narrowing his eyes and looking up at the sky, and then back toward me. "His sister's death may have been just the thing to make Calder realize how far he'd veered off course." Hector stood up. "In any case, we should meet more often about Acadian business, my love. It will bring us closer, especially as the flood draws near." As he looked back at me, he smiled. I stared at the small piece of food to the side of his mouth, unblinking.
"Well, then," he said, clearly excusing me.
I stood up on shaky legs. "Have a good day, Hector," I said, turning and leaving his office.
I could barely walk. I could barely breathe. I needed to talk with Calder, to know what he was thinking. Does he still love me? Want me? Was he somehow blaming himself for Maya's death? Oh, Calder. I need you.
**********
I watched Calder pledge his engagement vows to Hannah Jacobson two days later as all of Acadia stood in the Temple. I felt like I was hovering just outside my body, a lump in my throat so big I could barely swallow. Once again, Calder wouldn't look at me, although my heart leapt with hope when I saw the morning glory pinned to his shirt. Had he done that for me? I had no way of knowing, and no way of talking to him. Was he going along with this because he was being forced to in some way? Why hadn't he sent me a message of some sort? Didn't he know this was killing me inside? He had to.
Calder's face was blank. I couldn't read it. But Hannah looked serene and happy, a wreath of flowers in her hair. I watched her as she glanced repeatedly at Calder, a shy look of appreciation on her face. Of course. Who wouldn't appreciate looking at Calder?
My heart throbbed with jealousy when I watched them together. They really were a lovely couple, both with their dark, glossy hair; she was small and petite and he was tall and strong. I wanted to scream.
After Hector performed the commitment ceremony, Calder leaned forward and kissed Hannah chastely on her cheek. I looked away, misery clouding my vision.
We all filed out of the Temple, the rest of the people chatting and laughing, ready for the celebratory feast. Hector took my arm and started leading me back to the main lodge. I turned my head and craned my neck, attempting to look at Calder one last time, but there were so many people in my way, on every side, I couldn't see him. He is mine, all of him, every part, I reminded myself. We vowed it to each other beside our spring, under the light of a full moon. I suddenly couldn't stand all the people, the close confines of the Temple. Fierce anger filled me, and I broke free of Hector's arm. I walked ahead for a few steps before Hector caught up to me, grabbing my arm.