The next morning, the only clues the beautiful night at the spring with Calder hadn't been a dream, were the delicious smell of him still on my skin and the glorious ache between my legs.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Calder
The morning after I made love to Eden at our spring, I sat down next to Xander in the community dining hall.
"Kicked out of the dogs' quarters? That's a low blow," Xander said, spooning scrambled eggs into his mouth.
I laughed a humorless laugh. "I don't know just yet. It's not like he let me eat up at the main lodge anyway."
Xander nodded, eyeing me and then looking back down at his empty plate. I knew him, he was trying to decide whether to go back for thirds.
"You look tired," I said, biting into a piece of buttered bread.
"Yeah, I can't imagine why. Maybe because I tossed and turned all night in the sick tent, waiting to get caught for posing as you."
I chewed, looking down. I had been kidding, but I hadn't realized Xander would be so nervous he wouldn't sleep at all. I had been selfish. Once I swallowed, I looked back at Xander. "I'm sorry, and thank you. I owe you."
Xander smirked. "Yeah, you owe me for about a hundred lifetimes. I've been keeping tally. You'll still be paying your debt to me in Elysium."
I grinned. "Happily."
Xander laughed, and then drained the rest of his orange juice. "Was it worth the risk?"
I pictured Eden's pale skin glowing in the moonlight, her eyes filled with love and passion and trust.
"I'd risk my life to relive last night," I said truthfully.
Xander studied me, a slow smile taking over his face. "Okay, then." His eyes made a slow survey of the mostly empty room and then came back to me. "I hope you didn't get her pregnant."
I felt heat rise in my face. "I know better," I said. We were both quiet for a minute.
"So," I finally said, smiling around my food, "let's get these plans underway so I can relive last night."
Xander was quiet for a minute as he looked off behind me. When he looked back at my face, he looked tense and I sobered, watching him.
"Gods, Calder," Xander said tensely, "this isn't only about you and Eden. I have my own dreams, too, you know. Life isn't all about you."
I set my cup down, frowning. "I know that," I said. I studied him for a few beats. "Hey, I'm sorry, I've been selfish. This is about you, too. I'd want to get out of here whether Eden existed or not. And I know you have your own dreams. I'd want you with me regardless of the circumstances. I'm sorry if I gave you any other impression."
Xander exhaled, making eye contact with me. He ran a hand through his hair and it flopped back down on his forehead. "I know. Damn this place." He shook his head. "I know. I'm just tired."
"Listen, Xander, we'd be doing this together anyway. Unfortunately, we're on a time limit because Eden's birthday is looming, so we have to do it sooner than I'd like. I'm sorry for that."
Xander let out a breath. "No, I'm sorry. It's just stressful."
I nodded. "I know. Thank you."
"Don't thank me. We're in this together. Whatever I have—"
"—you have half." I finished.
Xander nodded, glancing around again as several families walked in the front door and over to the food line. "So with that in mind, we have six hundred seventy-six dollars and that's including the money Kristi's lending us."
I did the math. "Where'd the extra twenty-six come from?
Xander looked down. "I had it under the floorboard from years ago. I found it in a wallet in the ranger station. I don't know who it belonged—"
"Okay," I interrupted, knowing Xander felt badly for stealing from the people who turned out to be his friends. "So realistically, what's the bare minimum we need before we can safely leave? I don't want to stay here a second longer than we have to."
"Yeah, I know. Let's try to get two thousand. Hell, let's try to get every cent we can. But that's the minimum. With that, we have at least a month. We just need one of us to score a job. Even if it's Eden."
I shook my head. "No, not Eden. I want to navigate things before I send her out anywhere by herself."
Xander took a drink of his coffee. "You can't keep her locked up somewhere in the outside world like she's been locked up in here."
I let out a big breath. "That's not what I mean. I just . . . I need to protect her."
"We might all need protection, brother, in ways we can't even comprehend yet. How about we all take turns on that front?"
I nodded, considering the truth in his words. "Deal."
Xander nodded back. "Okay, so take money whenever, however you can."