"But you, Calder, there is no need for a boy like you to hide away in a place like this."
"Hide away? Is that what people here do?" My words seemed to run together.
"Aye. And sometimes we all need refuge. This world is painful. Some people seek to belong." She shook her head. "But not when there's a price tag attached."
I furrowed my brow, a new surge of warmth running through my blood. "What is the price of taking refuge here, Mother?"
She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me, her pale eyes glistening. "Death," she said so simply the word almost didn't compute. "So much death."
The room pulsed around me. All I wanted to do was sleep. "And if we leave here?" I asked.
"Life," she said.
The words floated around in my mind, coming together, and then drifting apart again. I couldn't connect them, couldn't apply meaning. Instead, I closed my eyes and rested.
What seemed like a few minutes later, she patted my foot. "All done. This will keep the infection away. Keep them on, even if they itch—at least as long as you're in here—then remove the bandages, clean them, and reapply. If they get wet, apply new dry ones."
My eyes were so heavy, but I opened them anyway and made eye contact with her. "Thank you, Mother Willa," I slurred. "Thank you so much."
She nodded, looking at me sadly. And then she muttered as if to herself, "I tried so hard to help him understand his gift, not twist it." Pain moved across her features, making her, impossibly, look even more ancient. I frowned as she packed her things away in her bag. I wanted to question her further, but I was so tired. I let my eyes close again and this time, darkness took me, images seeming to come at me in the darkness of my own mind: large spitting snakes; Eden, arching her back in pleasure, her lips parted as she moaned out my name; and flowing water that turned from a trickle to a flood, dragging me under, into blackness so deep, I knew I'd never, ever surface again.
**********
I slept in that small box for most of that day. Mother Miriam, Hector's sour-faced mistress, delivered my meals. She set my tray on the floor, took the empty one, and then quickly left. I didn't attempt to engage her in conversation. There was no point, and she made it clear she wouldn't be receptive to niceties, anyway.
The next day, when my head was clear of the herbs Mother Willa had given me, Mother Miriam also delivered a copy of the Holy Book and set that on the floor along with my meal. I placed it on the bench, but I never cracked it open.
When the door was opened by one of the council member's sons the next afternoon, I emerged into the sunlight, squinting and drawing back from the bright glare around me.
"Hector says you should go straight to the fields once you're washed up."
I took a minute to adjust my eyes and then simply walked away from the boy without replying.
I sat by the side of the river, removing the bandages Mother Willa had applied, tending to my still-raw wounds. I washed the grime from my hair and body, and then reapplied the bandages I had left drying on the river's edge in the sun.
By the time I started for the fields, the sun was high in the sky and beat down on me. It felt good. Being clean and in the sunshine made me feel human again.
As I passed by one of the cabins, a hand reached out and grabbed me and pulled me back behind it. I stumbled, swearing softly, and then looked up into Xander's intense expression.
"You scared the living hell out of me."
"Sorry. We only have a few minutes. I don't want anyone to see us talking."
"Why not? We're friends. It wouldn't be strange to see us talking."
Xander paused. "You're probably right. I just think it's better if we don't call attention to that fact. It'll make it more likely that people aren't watching me. They're already watching you and there's no going back from that."
"I think it's better if we act totally normal. More attention will be drawn to you if we don't."
Xander looked impatient. "Okay, fine."
I nodded. "Okay, so let's walk. No hiding behind cabins."
Xander glanced down at my legs and then we both started walking toward the fields.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. Sore, but fine."
"Kneeling in the fields isn't going to be easy."
"I'll live. What's our next move?"
Xander ran his hand through his hair, and looked around. "Kristi was able to come up with five hundred dollars in cash to loan us. She doesn't have a lot of money, she just works at the ranger station part-time, so that's the best she could do."
"That's incredible. Okay. So we have over six hundred dollars then. How far will that get us?"
"Not far. Kristi offered up the extra room in her apartment to us, but she's moving soon, going off to a four-year college, and so she'll be gone if we don't leave within a couple months or so. She said she might have some suggestions about places we can stay if it takes longer."