Becoming Calder(41)

I took a quick trip to the river, shed my shirt, and then used my hands to bring water over my head and chest, and then scrubbed at my face. I used my shirt to dry myself as well as I could, and then draped it around my neck. Feeling a little bit more refreshed, I walked back toward my cabin to get some breakfast.

Glancing at the main lodge brought a sharp ache to my chest. I would have given anything to walk up there, stride right through the front door, and up to Eden's bedroom. I wanted to wrap her in my arms. I wanted her clean scent and her gentle voice to soothe me. I wanted her.

But Hector was back now and I couldn't risk it. I had walked up to the main lodge yesterday and made an appointment with Hector for later this morning. I needed to show him my irrigation system. Thankfully, Hector was always open to meetings and enquiries from the workers. I needed to play my cards right, as a spot on the council was at risk. The rest of my life hung in the balance.

Xander jogged up alongside me and I looked over at him, surprised.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

I shook my head. "Nah, it's okay."

"How's Maya?"

"Better this morning."

Xander nodded his head once. "I went down to the spring and hung out with Eden for a little bit yesterday. It was nice to get her to myself for a little while. I'm really hoping that phrase we use, 'whatever I have, you have half,' applies to her, too."

I froze in my tracks. Rage, hot and wild, shot through me, turning the world red. The next thing I knew, I had Xander up against the side of a worker cabin. "You were alone with Eden?" I gritted out.

Xander put his hands up against the cabin, a huge grin spreading slowly over his face. "Whoa, it's even worse than I thought," he said, his grin, impossibly, growing bigger.

"What's worse than you thought?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him and shoving him harder against the wall.

"You. You're in love, killer. Deep."

I let him go and stepped back quickly, my breath coming out in sharp exhales. I couldn't deny it. I'd tried to deny it. I wanted to deny it. Instead I laced my fingers behind my neck and looked up at the sky. I walked in a slow circle, getting my breathing under control. Finally, I stopped and just stared at Xander. "What am I gonna do? What in the hell am I gonna do?"

Xander pursed his lips and all amusement fled from his face. "I don't know, Calder. I wish I did."

"Why'd you do that?" I demanded, my chest still rising and falling as my heartbeat slowed. I'd been ready to pulverize him.

"Because it was time you admitted it to yourself."

I stared at him, trying to maintain some kind of anger, even some annoyance, but finally, my shoulders sagged in defeat. "I'd already admitted it to myself. I just didn't want to say it out loud. Anything but that." Misery washed through me.

He stepped forward and put a hand on my shoulder. "Aw, geez, Calder, I didn't mean to make this worse. I swear I didn't." He studied me for a minute. "It already is what it is though. And . . . whatever happens . . . brothers," he said, solemnly and put his fist out. I let out a breath and bumped his fist with my own.

"Brothers."



**********



When I got back to our cabin, I went straight to the room where I slept and started pulling on my one other, clean shirt. I willed myself to put what Xander said out of my head for now.

My parents were already out in the fields, but they weren't expecting me. They knew I was meeting with Hector. My parents didn't necessarily agree with my ambitions, but there wasn't anything they could do about it. My dad wasn't much of a talker anyway, and he seemed perfectly content with the life he led. His belief in Hector was unwavering. I'd never confide to him my ambitions stemmed from a desire for more of life in general, not just more of life in our small community. He wouldn't understand. To be perfectly honest, I didn't exactly understand it either. What was it about me that made me want more? What made me stand in our doorway night after night, staring out at the distant city lights, with fear, yes, but also with a strange longing in my gut? Maybe I could compare it to the way I felt when I looked at Eden—terrified and electrified all at once. This spot on the council could mean more than just a means of going outside Acadia . . .

You're in love, killer. Deep.

I saw what looked like the corner of a piece of paper sticking out from under my bedding and frowned. I picked up the lumpy pillow and there was a folded note with two butterscotch candies on top. I grinned. I unwrapped one quickly and popped it in my mouth, that familiar buttery sweetness bursting across my tongue.

I unfolded the note and read Eden's small, concise printing:



Calder,

I hope Maya is having a better day today. I've been thinking about her non-stop and wish somehow I could visit her. I hope the candy has put a small smile on her face, even if only for a minute.