I laughed and it felt good. "I swear, Calder Raynes, if you're teaching me all kinds of things I'm going to have to un-learn later, I won't be happy."
Calder laughed. "Okay, so maybe there's no Squasharius." He was quiet for a minute. "Did you know that when you're looking at stars, you're actually looking back in time?"
"How's that?" I whispered.
"Because the light from a star takes millions of years to reach the earth. So, for instance," he pointed upward again to one tiny, blinking star, "that's actually what that one looked like thousands of years ago."
Something about that seemed magical to me and I decided not to try to wrap my mind around the science of it. "It's like I can imagine the gods up there, somewhere behind all those stars, looking down on us right now." I paused. "Can I tell you a secret though?" I brought my voice down to a whisper.
"Anything."
"I only pray to one of them." I blushed, even though he couldn't see my face. Saying that out loud, despite the fact I read hours and hours of the Holy Book on all twelve deities every single day, felt blasphemous.
Calder turned toward me. "Which one?" he asked, surprise in his voice.
"The God of Mercy."
"Why him?" The tone of his voice was gentle.
I considered his question for a minute. "Because . . . I just figure there's not much that grace and mercy can't fix. And I guess I figure that he . . . he cares the most about what happens to us. Or maybe he's able to love us despite how much we mess up, how imperfect we are, and how much we want what we shouldn't want," I finished quietly.
We were both quiet for a few minutes.
"Then he has the hardest job."
I breathed out a small laugh. "Yes. I always imagine that when I get to Elysium, I'm going to find him first."
After a minute, Calder asked, "What would your own dreams be, Eden, I mean, if it wasn't your destiny to marry Hector?"
You. You're my dream.
"I don't know. To see the world, like you, I guess. To know what might be out there for me. If anything at all."
"Are you proud of being chosen?" he asked softly.
I thought about that for a minute. "There's no sense of satisfaction in something you didn't do anything to achieve," I answered.
Calder turned toward me. "But obviously the gods see something in you maybe you don't even see in yourself. You were chosen by them because you have a beautiful, brave heart."
I laughed softly. "No, it can't be that."
"Why not?"
"Because it's my heart that makes me want to deny my so-called destiny."
It's my heart that wants you to be my destiny.
Calder remained quiet, seeming to think about my answer.
"What's that one right there?" I asked, pointing at a bright star all by itself on the edge of the sky.
Calder turned back over onto his back and looked to where I was pointing. "I don't know."
"Maybe you can ask someone tomorrow."
"I won't be able to see it tomorrow to point it out." He smiled.
"Hmmm, I guess the stars teach us things, even from a thousand years ago."
"What do the stars teach us?"
I paused for a second. "That some things are seen more clearly in light . . . and some things are seen more clearly in darkness."
Calder turned his face toward mine seeming to study my face in the dim light. His expression seemed wistful. He didn't say anything, but after a moment, he grasped my hand in his, and we both turned back to look at the sky.
We talked about the stars, his beautiful, slightly gravelly voice filling the night air.
As I lay close to him, the warmth of his body next to mine, I listened to him talk. I felt content, something I hadn’t known before. I closed my eyes for just a second.
What seemed like a few moments later, someone shook me. "Hey." I heard Calder's voice and looked around, disoriented. The sweet smell of the fruit trees awakened my senses and my eyes slowly opened. "I have to get you back," Calder said. "We both fell asleep."
"No one even knows I left," I said sleepily.
"I'll be missed though," he said, standing up and reaching down to me.
I stood up and brushed myself off. I guess his family would know he hadn't come to bed since they only had two rooms.
We started walking and Calder grabbed my hand. We took the long way around the outer perimeter of the cabins, walking as quietly as possible, not speaking.
The bonfires were all just embers now, dying down, and most of the people had already gone inside.
I walked as slowly as possible, wishing I could stay out all night, just roaming around, doing as I pleased. With Calder. I sighed.
Calder looked over at me. "Meet me at the spring tomorrow?"