I snorted. "Well, gosh, that makes me feel so much better."
Calder laughed, turning his face toward me. I turned my face toward his and we looked at each other. An amused expression was still on his face before he went serious. "Can I be honest with you, Eden?"
I groaned, looking back up at the sky. "This is going to get worse, isn't it?"
Calder chuckled. "No." He sighed and was quiet for a few beats. "In the course of a few days, life seems to have become complex. The simple part is this," I looked over at him, and he glanced down at my lips and then seemed to catch himself as his eyes darted back to mine. He cleared his throat. "If I were just a boy, and you were just a girl, I wouldn't kiss you once like you asked." He paused and my heart dropped. Oh.
"Eden, I'd kiss you long, and I'd kiss you often."
Oh. Oh. I blinked and sat up. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
Calder released a laugh on a breath, sitting up, too. "No. But I want it to be clear what we're dealing with here. We're attracted to each other. I admire you, and I like to be with you. I want to be your friend. But, Eden, nothing can ever happen between us. It's just the way it is."
I felt stung, angry, and bitter, the joy I'd been feeling just a few minutes earlier, fading. "My destiny," I bit out.
Calder paused, furrowing his brow and running one finger absent-mindedly over his bottom lip. "I don't know about that. All I know is life as we know it would be over for us if we gave in."
"Right. Thank you for being honest with me. I admire you, too, Calder. You're very . . . obedient." I felt angry. Angry with Calder? Angry with the gods for bringing me here and putting me within arm's length of this incredible boy? Why?
Calder furrowed his brow and then cleared his throat as he looked away. I suddenly felt guilty. I had meant it as an insult and he had taken my statement in the vein it had been said. In truth, I was just hurt and filled with bitterness at the unfairness of my situation. And here Calder was, a boy, practically a man, who was trying his very best to be honorable, to be my friend, my only friend.
"I'm sorry," I said. "That was unfair."
"It's okay. I am obedient. I like to think I'm obedient to the gods, even if Hector is prone to the same mistakes or misinterpretations any human being could be. I like to think I'm obedient to this community, to the needs and happiness of others here. What would happen, not just to me, but to this community, if it was known I was cavorting with Hector's soon-to-be bride?"
"Cavorting? You make it sound so tawdry." Hector often used that word. He said sinful actions were like cavorting with the devil.
"It would be wrong. Just meeting like this . . . it's as far as it can go."
I was silent for a good minute, mulling it over in my mind. Like the day before when I'd kissed him, all I wanted to do was leave, run. He knows how I feel about him. Is he just being nice here to avoid hurting my feelings? "Yes, I suppose you're right," I said, feeling defeated.
Calder turned toward me. "My point in being honest with you about my attraction to you is I think it's better if it's out on the table, so to speak. We need to tread carefully, here. I want to be your friend. But not to the detriment of our entire community and not to the detriment of our own hearts . . . and our own dreams."
Truly, my heart was already his for the breaking, and breaking it was, but I nodded my head anyway. I knew he had dreams for his own life. And he was risking those just by meeting me like he was, most definitely by teaching me things. If anything, it made my admiration for him stronger. How could I ask him for more?
We were both silent for another moment. Calder watched me in the dark. "The portrait was beautiful," I finally said. "Nothing squash-like about me at all." I had unrolled the paper the night before and my breath had caught in my throat at the absolute beauty of the picture. Did I really look like that? Hector had told me since I was a child I was beautiful and angelic. But something about the way Calder had drawn me made me look powerful and strong, the look on my face sure, confident, even serene as I gazed upward.
Calder laughed. "If only you were just a little more squash-like, this whole situation would be easier for me to bear."
I held back a grimace. If this was going to have any chance of working, he couldn't flirt with me.
He seemed to read my mind as his expression became serious, cleared his throat, and lay back down. "So, speaking of squash, our lesson today is going to be on the stars."
I raised an eyebrow. "What does squash have to do with the stars?"
"Oh, you've never heard of the constellation, Squasharius?"