Beck(80)

Beck has been to speak with Dr. Maxwell three times now, and I can tell it’s really helping. We’ve spent almost every night lying awake in each other’s arms just talking. I feel closer to him than I ever have before. He’s been here for me when I wake up in a cold sweat when the events of that day play out in my dreams. His soft words and warm embrace are the only things that I want when those dark moments come back. There are times when I catch him staring off into space, and I know those are the times when he’s thinking about Coop.

No one really knows how to completely move forward from this. Whenever the group is all together, there’s always that moment when someone checks the door, waiting for Coop to come barging through with some hilarious comment. We can’t stop wishing that we could just see his blue eyes twinkling with humor one more time.

Grief is such a bastard.

Asher’s decided to stick around for a while. I know he’s taking his brother’s death the hardest out of all of us. There have been a few nights when he’s come home, drunk out of his mind, and stumbled into his room. The sound of his agony echoing through the walls is overwhelming, and I have no idea how to ease his pain. One thing’s for sure, he’s not healing, and at this point, I’m not sure he wants to.

Today, we’re moving Chelcie into my apartment. The one thing that Coop’s death has driven home is that tomorrow is never promised, and there should never be an excuse to not live your life to the fullest. No regrets and no fear of the unknown. So today, Chelcie will start a new chapter of her life in Georgia, and I will start mine with the man I love.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay another night, Chelc? You know you’re always welcome here.”

She smiles weakly but continues to pack up the last of her clothes. She doesn’t have much, just the two suitcases of clothes she brought down, and a box of things that she didn’t want to leave behind.

“No, I need to be alone right now. I need to figure out where I go from here.”

“Are you okay? I know we’ve talked about it, but how are you dealing with all of this?” I sit down on the bed and still her hands when she goes to pack some more. I know she’s just trying to avoid this conversation that we need to have.

“I love that you’re worried about me, Dee, but I’m really okay. I just wish I would’ve had a chance to tell him, you know? We didn’t have that kind of relationship, but that doesn’t change the fact that he would have been a great father.” She sits down next to me and fidgets with the shirt in her hands. “I’ll make sure that our child knows who their father was and that he died a hero… every day, Dee.”

I have to choke back the emotions that threaten to sneak past the lump in my throat. God, I miss him.

“I think you need to talk to Asher. He’s spiraling out of control over this, and he needs something to hold on to. Something that will keep him pushing forward. This little baby will be a part of his brother, his nephew or niece. He needs to know that there is something positive.”

She doesn’t speak for a while, and right when I’m ready to just give up on my newest round of ‘convince Chelcie’, she shifts on the bed. “I will. Let me get settled in the apartment, and then I’ll have him over one night. I think it’s something that needs to be done away from everyone else.”

We continue to pack the rest of the clothes and head out. Asher’s door is shut tight, but I know he’s in there. He came in around four this morning and hasn’t come out since. I checked on him around breakfast time but he was passed out. His room had the unpleasant stench of stale smoke, booze, and cheap sex. I pulled his shoes off and covered him with a blanket before leaving his room.

Beck is waiting outside for us when we finally come down. He takes my breath away every time I see him. Plain and simple, he is perfect. He’s wearing cargo shorts and a USMC tee shirt. His University of Georgia ball cap has his eyes shaded, but I know he’s looking right at me. I walk over to Chelcie’s car and throw the bag that I’m carrying in the trunk. She doesn’t waste time with hellos or goodbyes, just drops her bag in, jumps in the driver’s seat, and takes off.

“Where are you headed, Handsome?”

His crooked smile has my panties on fire.

“Nowhere. Waiting on Maddox. Apparently some shit went down with Emmy last night.” He drops his eyes, but not before I see how worried he is.

Truth is, we’ve all been worried about her. She hasn’t spoken to anyone, and not for our lack of trying. She spent the whole time at the hospital in Maddox’s arms but when we went to leave, she crawled out of his lap and walked over to Melissa. She and Melissa have always been the closest out of us girls, but I’m still surprised she left Maddox. Even at Coop’s funeral, she didn’t speak to anyone. She stood next to Melissa and never took her eyes from the casket.