Because of Lila(41)

"I need time," I said to him because I wanted a fairy tale. I believed that Eli was that kind of guy. He was secure, solid, beautiful. All the things my father was, Rush Finlay was, my Uncle Mase and Uncle Cope were. I wanted a man like them.

"I'm really patient," he replied.

Even the tone of his voice was soothing. It didn't make my heart flip or butterflies take flight in my stomach, but it made me feel safe. I rested my head on his shoulder. His arm went around me and we sat there like that in silence while we waited on the rest of the family.





Cruz Kerrington

"DID YOU FUCK her?" Blaze, my nineteen-year-old brother asked dropping down onto the other end of the sectional sofa in the den that my mom referred to as "the boys' den." It was on the bottom floor of our three-story home and had everything teenage boys could possibly need. Even a mini gym with weights. I had come down here as soon as we got home to avoid the rest of the family.


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"I'm ignoring that," I replied not taking my attention from the baseball game I was watching.

Blaze chuckled. "That means yes. Goddamn! She's so fucking hot."

Fury crawled all over me. "If you want to live you'll shut the hell up," I warned him. I didn't want anyone knowing about what we had done, but I also didn't want my brother thinking about Lila Kate and sex in the same damn thought.

"What's your deal? Jesus, relax. Lila Kate is smoking hot. I'd give my left nut to fuck her."

I moved then. Fast. Without thought. I pinned Blaze to the sofa with my hand around his throat. He was an inch, maybe two taller than me but he was lankier. His muscles were slenderer. I outweighed him. I was also two years older. "Shut your motherfucking mouth. Do you understand me you stupid little dipshit?"

He nodded unable to breathe so I eased my hold on his neck. Then glared at him one last time before moving off him and taking my spot back. "Go away," I told him as I settled back again.

I could see him rubbing his neck. Damn dramatic. He finally stood up, and I was so relieved I almost sighed. I just wanted to be alone.

"If you love her then you aren't doing a good job of showing her. That's all I'm saying." After the words had left his mouth, he turned and ran from the room and back up the stairs.

"I don't love her," I said to no one. But I needed to say it. Get it out. "I don't love anyone. Love isn't for me." I kept talking to the empty room.

The image of Lila Kate standing at the funeral. Her soft tanned back so perfect and bare in the dress she was wearing it made my fingers itch to touch it. To feel it's silky texture. If Eli Fucking Hardy had laid one hand on that back, I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions. But he hadn't. He'd been the good guy. He didn't touch her body. He only held her hand.

She'd seemed to need that support. I fought against the jealousy eating at me that I wasn't the one there beside her. It was my choice that I wasn't. I was suffering for her benefit.

Footsteps on the stairs this time alerted me I was about to be interrupted yet again by a family member. I lay my head back and closed my eyes as I sighed with annoyance. "Can't you all just leave me alone?" I growled in frustration as the next nosey ass member of my family entered the room.

"I'll just be a minute. I need to say something. Then I won't bother you again," Lila Kate's voice had my head snapping back up. What the fuck was she doing here?

She was dressed in a white sundress that showed too much of her skin. I soaked it in. The sight of her. All that perfect softness. Here in my house. Why? 

"Blaze said you were down here and I could come see you a moment. He was leaving to meet your parents for lunch at the club. I didn't mean to bother you," she paused and looked at the game on the television. "I see you're busy watching something. I'll be quick."

She walked over to me stopping only a few feet away. "I didn't make a mistake. I knew what I was doing. I expected this of you. I didn't expect anything more. I chose to go with you, sleep with you, allow myself to enjoy being with you. That was all on me. I will deal with the memories. The heartbreak. All of it because I asked for it. At first, I thought I was stupid. I cursed my bad decisions. But . . . I am thankful I did it. I let you hurt me. But we had a moment. I now know how that feels. How you . . . feel. I don't regret it. I don't regret you. I'll move on. Go another way. I won't ever bother you again. Life will return to the way it was before." She stopped then and smiled. It was a sweet, sad smile. It made my fucking knees feel weak, and I was sitting down.