As much as I understood what she was saying I didn't think I could answer her. How was I supposed to stand up there and watch the girl I'd imagined I'd marry all my life marry someone else? When she had been sick, and I wasn't sure if she'd survive, I'd feared we'd never get a chance to live a life together. Getting married. Having kids. But she had beat cancer. And she was going to get married. Just not to me. But she wanted me to watch it up close and personal.
Motherfucker.
"Please, think about it. This will make my day complete. Having you up there just sounds right."
I had arrived without the knot in my stomach, but it was back now. Stronger than ever. "Yeah, okay, sure. I can do that."
I don't know how I managed to get the words out.
Bliss broke into a huge grin. "Thank you! This means the world to me."
It meant a form of hell for me. But I didn't say that. "Thanks for asking me."
"I need to tell Nate." She reached to pull her phone out, then her head snapped back up to look at me. "Wait, you came to see me. I took over the conversation. Were you just here to visit or did you need something?"
"Lila. I'm here to get Lila," I replied still reeling from what I'd been asked.
That brought back her smile. "So you're her plans for tonight. That's wonderful." And she meant it. Bliss wanted me to date someone. Find someone like she had. "Well, I'll just go on up to my room and read until Nate gets home. Y'all have fun," she said then gave me a quick hug. "Thanks again."
///
I didn't turn to watch her leave. I just stood there staring straight ahead. Letting this all sink in. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the footsteps until Lila had walked right past me and toward the liquor cabinet. I watched as she opened it, then glanced back at me over her shoulder. "Vodka or tequila?"
"Vodka," I replied.
"Good," she said as she grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose and turned back to me. "Come on." It sounded a lot like a command. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I followed her out the door and down to the beach. She kept walking once we hit the sand. My longer strides caught up to her.
"What are we doing?" I finally asked.
"Walking until we're out of the view of the house," was her response. The vodka bottle still in her hand.
"Okay," that wasn't exactly an explanation, but I kept walking with her. Another quarter of a mile and we reached a large log that had long since washed up. It was sitting up high and away from the water.
She went to sit down, and I took the spot beside her. She opened the vodka and then took a long swig before handing it to me. "Here you need it more than I do," she said.
I took it and drank because she was right. I did. But she didn't know why.
"How long you been in love with her? Your whole life? Since you were kids or once you got older?"
Damn. "Is it that obvious?"
She shrugged. "No and yes. You look at her the way a man in love looks at a woman. But you don't do it all the time. You're careful. I just paid attention."
I handed the bottle back to her. She took it and sighed. "That's why I left," she said as took another drink. I was impressed. I didn't imagine Lila could drink straight vodka from the bottle. That didn't fit her at all. But she wasn't even wincing. I wondered if she would have been able to do the same with tequila. I realized what she said then. "You left because someone asked you to be in their wedding or because you love someone that doesn't feel the same?"
"I grew up with him. Been thrown together since we were kids. I always thought he was exciting and fun. He always made me laugh. And then one day he kissed me. I knew I was in love with him. But he didn't feel the same way."
Shit. "Nate?" I asked thinking I might just hate him after all.
She jerked her head to look at me, and then let out a loud laugh. "God no! That'd be like incest. I mean we aren't actually related, but it feels like it. Always has. Our dads were step brothers when they were younger. Their parents didn't work out because Nate's grandmother is a psycho. Anyway, they remained best friends even after their parents divorced."
She handed the vodka back to me. "I get the unrequited love thing. I'm not in love with him anymore, though. What fragile feelings I had left after years of hardly speaking to him, he decided to stomp on by saying hurtful things when he was drunk. They were true though. At least some of them were."