Because of Lila(10)

Leaning back on the sofa I let out another miserable groan. Why had I let myself get so damn drunk? It wasn't like I had a lot to be upset over. My job was stable. I was healthy. I had friends. My best friend was engaged, and that sucked, but I was getting used to it. But damned if I hadn't needed an escape last night.

The toast was all I could stomach. I finished both pieces and left the apple on the table beside me. I couldn't eat any more. That would have to suffice for now. Once I felt like a human, I would go for a run. Then get brave enough to call Larissa and ask what I did last night.

Other than the fact I had gotten a little drunk. Or a lot drunk. Not me at all. But for the time it had felt nice. I'd enjoyed Lila. I was on a no women streak, but I only flirted and danced with her. Nothing more. Besides she was on her way to find an adventure. I remembered that. It made me smile. That girl and her adventure sounded very Alice in Wonderland-like.

I would have to ask Larissa if she'd been that stunningly perfect or if it had been my drunken state. Just so I could remember her correctly. Then maybe it was best I kept my memories untouched by reality. I hadn't woken up in bed with her or married. That was a success.

I heard the muffled sound of my phone ringing again. Someone was persistent this morning. Yawning then wincing from the pain in my head, I got up from my comfortable spot and went to get my phone from under the pillow.

Only one side of my bed was messed up. Another positive thing. Or was it? Her smell was still on me, and the way she'd felt in my arms when we danced-it might not have been a bad thing if I'd woken up with her curled up beside me.

I paused and let my imagination take over for a moment. I could see her brown hair and pretty eyes smiling at me. That sweet smell that I could fucking soak in. Eventually, she'd speak and start talking about our wedding and our children and how she would need space in my closet and a panty drawer in my dresser. Stop. Run. That was the reason I was swearing off women for a while. They all wanted to handcuff you and take you to the alter. Not that I didn't want to get married one day. I did. But not right now. And not until I was hit by a woman that I couldn't live without.

So far, that hadn't happened.

Picking up my phone I saw Bliss York's name. She'd be Bliss Finlay in six months' time. She was my best friend who I'd been in love with most my life. I was happy for her. She'd faced death and won. She deserved this. I just had always imagined it would be with me. Nate Finlay had come into our world and changed it all.


      ///
       
         
       
        

I still loved her. But I'd accepted she loved someone else, and I was beginning to think she was the reason I feared women wanting more. I had loved Bliss for as long as I could remember. How was I ever going to love someone else like that? It scared me to get too close because in the end, it would hurt them. What if Bliss was still it for me? What if they couldn't take her place or make me forget? So far, that hadn't happened.

It wasn't like I ever thought she loved me back. At least not that way. She'd never acted like she loved me anymore than a friend. It was something I had harbored myself. Our parents were close. My mother and her father had grown up as best friends too. We had been in each other's cribs since we were born. To Bliss, I was like one of her brothers. Except my future didn't include jail.

Her brothers were hell raisers.

I debated calling her back. I wasn't in the mood to be happy and listen to her happy shit. My head was still pounding. Then a text lit up my screen. Made a big breakfast. Come eat.

That kind of stuff was annoying. Bliss liked when I visited them. What it did was make me see them be all domestic and happy. I went. Because I couldn't remember a time in my life I didn't do whatever I could to see Bliss smile. Slowly though, that need was diminishing. She had Nate to make her smile. I didn't want that job anymore. Not if I wasn't going to be coming home to her at night. My plans for my future had always included her. Not now. Not that way at least.

Lila's idea of leaving town didn't sound so bad. Take off and reinvent yourself. Find a new way. The problem was I had a job, an apartment, and a life here that I couldn't just run from. I wasn't sure how she was funding her adventure, but I didn't have the funds for that.

I wanted to respond to the text Thanks, but I've got plans. Or Thanks, but I'm busy. That would be breaking loose from making her happy. That would be what a real man would do. Instead, I replied, Just got up. Let me shower. Then I'll head over.

Dropping my phone on my bed, I growled at my weakness. It was like I needed to be nice. To do the right thing. Dammit, I hated that about myself. The last thing I wanted to do this morning was head to their house and eat with them. Why couldn't they eat alone?