But Jenna wouldn’t say those things. She would hint at them. Maybe. Joke about them. Sure. But she would never outright say them.
Did she keep silent out of love?
Is that what love is?
I opted for honesty. At least one us of should be able to say the things that felt better to keep inside. I wanted to be honest with her. “I feel bad. I know part of the reason she gets treated so bad by the rest of them is because of me. I don’t want to be a dick.”
I could feel Jenna’s eyes on me then. She reached forward and placed her hand on mine, giving it a slight squeeze. After a comfortable silence, Jenna asked, “You like my outfit?”
She was wearing a Shepherd High short sleeve t-shirt with a long black t-shirt underneath. On top, she wore her letterman jacket she received from cheerleading. She didn’t need mine. Her hair was tied in two pigtails by shiny ribbons. Always the cheerleader.
I smiled. “Very school spirited. Not sure they’re used to so much pep on the track field.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t bring my pom-poms,” she replied.
“No. You’re lucky. I would have gotten extremely jealous. You know I don’t like you shaking those things for anyone but me.”
“Don’t know what you’re going to do next semester. You do realize I signed up to cheer for basketball this year?”
“Actually. I didn’t. Guess I’ll have to sign up for basketball this year too.”
Jenna laughed. “Right. You suck at basketball. They won’t even let you near the team.”
I tugged on her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it quickly though my grin. “When I win State, they’ll let me on any team I want to be on.”
“You’re lucky you’re so darn cute. Otherwise, this cockiness might be a turnoff.”
“Hey. Jenna?”
“Hmm?” she asked, a smile still on her face.
“I love you.”
I did. It was the only love I could claim. Maybe it wasn’t perfect. Maybe Josephine didn’t approve. But I didn’t care. I would not feel ashamed of what Jenna and I had.
“I know you’re not cheating on me with her,” she replied quietly.
It wasn’t I love you, but it meant trust. I knew I had her love; knowing I had her trust was a pretty great thing to hear too.
Josephine was unreal. Completely and freakishly unreal. I saw how fast she ran from the survivors, but this was something different. I knew she felt it. The sense of control I felt on the field, the rush that comes from being in complete control of the way your limbs move. The only thing we could control, but damn were we good at it.
Even the way she pulled off her jacket screamed bad-ass. Gone was the nervousness and skittish behavior that came out anytime attention was focused on her body. In one clean movement, she threw the jacket near the fence where her duffel bag laid. She pulled one long leg after another behind her in a stretch that seemed unnatural no matter how athletic you were. She crouched down in her starting position, staring straight ahead. Focused. Either unaware or not giving a damn that there were people there cheering her on.
It was a shame she kept so covered up all the time. She had a body I knew most boys would go crazy for. If I didn’t know her, or didn’t have a girlfriend who I loved, I'd probably go a little bonkers for it myself. And my appreciation only grew when I saw her run. She didn’t hold back. Maybe she didn’t know how to pace herself, or didn’t care, but she was full-speed from the moment the whistle blew. She would never be a cross-country star, but sprinting she could and would conquer.
The other girls never stood a chance.
When she won the race, way ahead of her competitors, there was little fanfare. She was doing Shepherd High proud, but they were all too busy acting like she was the scum of the earth to congratulate her.
As Josephine zipped her jacket back up, she noticed us. Taking a deep breath and tucking the loose strands of hair behind her ears, Josephine walked over to us. She looked from me to Jenna and back to me again. Her skin was flush from her cheeks down to the small glimpse of her collarbone that you could see peeking out from her jacket.
Not that I was trying real hard to look or anything.
“Great job, Jo. Really. They should do like an article in the school paper or something. I’ve never seen anyone run so fast. I bet you could beat some of the boys,” Jenna said, throwing Josephine, Jo, a dazzling smile. A genuine smile. I reached for Jenna’s hand, taking it in my own.
“I bet she could beat pretty much all the boys. Definitely all the boys at Shepherd and probably most of the boys in the district,” I added.
“What are you guys doing here?” she asked shyly. It was strange to suddenly see her so diminished, so timid after the race she just ran.