Beauty's Kiss(32)
“Phooey. Open your eyes. Use your brain.” McKenna drummed her hand on the table. “Nobody forces Troy to do anything. Not even Trey could get Troy to do something Troy didn’t want to do. And Trey was persuasive, and stubborn, but Troy is strong. Troy doesn’t take crap from anyone, and he doesn’t play games. If he likes you, he likes you, and if he doesn’t, he avoids you. And if you’re going to the Ball with him, it’s because he wanted to take you, and if he’s kissed you, it’s because he wanted to put his lips on your lips. Nobody made him.”
Taylor hung her head, embarrassed. She knew McKenna was looking at her but Taylor didn’t know what to say, or how to articulate her feelings. It was hard enough worrying about her brother and struggling to come to terms with how he’d been rejected by her parents and society, without her having to deal with rejection, too.
It was a challenge coming to terms with Doug’s depression, and supporting him through his disappointments without her feeling disappointed in herself.
Without her feeling disappointed in her dreams.
Better to not want too much or dream too big...
Better to keep one’s expectations small, and manageable...
“Why are you so afraid to like Troy?” McKenna asked quietly.
Taylor pictured him—tall and so darkly handsome--in his long black wool coat and fitted cashmere sweater stepping from his big black Escalade. The man had a private jet. He lived in some outrageous mansion in the most affluent neighborhood in San Francisco. He lived in a world she didn’t know and didn’t understand and would never be part of. “He has so much.”
“Yes?”
“It’s overwhelming to me.”
“But you’re not a shallow woman. You’re not attracted to his things. You’re attracted to him. So don’t let grumpy old Judge McCorkle turn you into a timid little mouse. Have confidence. Enjoy life. Enjoy your life. You’re beautiful—”
“I’m not.”
“You are. Just lose the sweater sets and grandma pearls and men’s glasses.”
“Even if I dressed like a hipster, Troy would still be out of my league. He’s a city slicker—”
“Not true. He’s pure Montana, and yes, he lives in San Francisco but that’s because he’s brilliant and innovative and that’s where technology and opportunity is, but that doesn’t mean he’s not real. And solid. And smart. And loving. Because he is.”
Taylor exhaled hard, feeling naked and exposed. She was so private, she was, and she appreciated McKenna’s pep talk but it wasn’t comfortable. None of this was comfortable and Taylor just wanted the spotlight off of her and this painful conversation to end. “If you’re such a fan, why didn’t you fall for Troy instead of Trey? Why wasn’t he the right Sheenan?”
The moment the words left her mouth, Taylor knew she’d said the wrong thing. She didn’t even need to see McKenna’s face to know it was wrong. She felt it in her heart.
It was spiteful. Mean.
And McKenna froze before her eyes, her features hardening, her expression shuttering.
For a moment there was just silence, and the silence made Taylor feel even worse.
“Sorry,” Taylor whispered, kicking herself, hating herself, ashamed she’d said something so unkind to McKenna who had been nothing but kind. “That was terrible. Forgive me.”
“It’s actually a very good question,” McKenna said, coolly, smiling faintly. But the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
Taylor wished the ground would open up and just swallow her. “I really am sorry,” she whispered, mouth dry. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it—”
“But you’re right. I’m sure everyone else thinks the same thing. Why didn’t I fall in love with Troy? My life would have been so different. So much... easier.” McKenna drained her margarita and then glanced at her watch. “Oh dear, it’s late. I need to go. My sitter has a big test tomorrow. I promised I wouldn’t keep her out too late.”
“I should go, too,” Taylor said, rising, aware that she’d ruined the mood, and maybe the evening, too. “I really am sorry, McKenna. I shouldn’t have been so sensitive, and I shouldn’t have said what I did—”
“Stop. You’re fine,” McKenna said firmly, cutting the apology off. “I’m fine. No harm done. Honestly. And yes, you should speak up. Speak your mind. You can’t go through life minimizing yourself, marginalizing yourself, hoping it will please others.” She wagged her finger at Taylor, a hint of her good humor returning. “I used to be a big sister, so I’ll tell you what I would have told my sister, Grace. Don’t live to please others. Don’t think everyone else knows what’s right or true. Listen to yourself, and be true to yourself. That way, no matter what else happens in life, you will always have your self-respect.”