He had thought himself prepared for the final transformation. For days before it happened, he had known it would soon be upon him and still he had not been prepared for the reality of it, the sheer unadulterated horror of it. The pain of it. He recalled the look of shock, of pity, in Kristine’s eyes when she had first seen him. He had yearned to tell her he loved her, that he was sorry he had involved her in this nightmare, but of course he could not.
A low whine rose in his throat as he recalled the sight of her tears, the feel of her hands gently stroking his fur. Charmion had said he would always remember that he had been a man; now he prayed he would forget, prayed that the beast would take over his mind as well. As much as he feared losing the memory of his humanity, he knew it would be a blessing. It was too painful to be near Kristine, to see the pity in her eyes, to know he would never again hold her in his arms, that he would never be a father to their child.
He had promised to stay until the transformation was complete, and he had fulfilled that promise. He rose each morning with the intention of leaving Hawksbridge, and each day Kristine begged him to stay until the babe was born. And because he had nothing else to give her but his presence, because he could not bear the sadness in her eyes, he stayed. As soon as the child was born, he would leave. He would go to Charmion, and he would destroy her, or be destroyed himself.
Throwing back his head, he began to howl, the feral cry filled with all the grief in his heart, all the anguish in his soul.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Caddaric and Edith stared at Kristine in stunned silence.
Edith shook her head. “You did what?”
“I thought you should know. I sent a letter to Charmion, offering to give her my child if she would break the spell.”
Kristine took a deep breath. She had torn up the first letter she had written. And the second. Three days had passed since the awful transformation, three long days, and lonely nights. This morning, she had written a new letter. Even now, Brandt was carrying her missive to Charmion.
“You cannot mean it,” Edith said, her face pale with shock.
“I do.”
Caddaric stroked his beard thoughtfully. “You do not intend to invite her into the house?”
“I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about that. I only know I cannot go on like this. I cannot bear to see Erik as he is. I cannot bear to see the pain in his eyes. It’s worse than anything I ever imagined. He’s so unhappy.”
“And what of Erik?” Edith asked quietly. “Do you think he would approve of this?”
Kristine shook her head. “I’m sure he would not.”
“Have you asked him?”
“No. I know what his answer would be.”
They were able to communicate with him, so long as they asked him questions that could be answered yes or no. But she would not ask for his permission. This was something she had to do, even if he hated her for the rest of his life.
She pressed a hand to her back, massaging the dull ache that had been plaguing her since early morning.
“And if the witch agrees, what then? Do you think she can be trusted?”
“I don’t know,” Kristine replied. “I only know I have to try.”
“Caddaric?” Edith looked at her husband.
He shook his head. “I have never known her to have any honor.” He began to pace the room. “She wants the child. She will know that, should she revoke the spell, Erik will not rest in his efforts to get the child back.” He stopped in front of Kristine. “You cannot bargain with her. We can only hope that, should she come here, the wards I have placed around the castle will be strong enough to repel her.”
“I cannot believe you made this decision without consulting us,” Edith said.
“I’m sorry.”
“How long ago did you send the letter?”
“I sent Brandt early this morning.”
Caddaric grunted softly. “I think we must lock Erik up.”
“What? How can you even suggest such a thing?”
“It’s for his own good,” Caddaric explained. “He spends most of his time outside. Brandt will have arrived at Cimmerian Crag by now. Charmion could arrive here at any moment. I do not think it would be wise for wolf and witch to confront each other.”
Kristine shook her head. “I cannot. I cannot lock him up.”
“I will take care of it. Call him.”
Kristine left the room and went out the back door. Was there no end to this nightmare? Cupping her hands around her mouth, she called Erik’s name.
Several minutes passed, and then she saw him running toward her. She forced a smile as he rubbed against her legs.
“Come,” she said, “Caddaric wishes to see you.”