Beauty's Beast(35)
“I . . . I . . .”
He would have wagered half his estate that her cheeks could get no pinker than they were. He would have lost. “Go on.”
“I didn’t want to lose your company in my bed, my lord.”
“Ah, Kristine,” he murmured. “What a delight you are, and how I shall miss you.”
“Miss me, my lord? Where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” he said quickly. “When is the child due?”
“I’m not sure. Mrs. Grainger thinks sometime after Christmas.” Kristine bit down on her lower lip. “Will you be terribly disappointed if it is a girl, my lord?”
“No.” He plucked the habit from her hand and tossed it aside, then placed his hand over her belly. His child was growing there, beneath his hand. It was a powerful thought.
She glanced at his hand, then frowned up at him. “I don’t even show yet. How did you know?”
He shook his head. She was right. How had he known? He shied away from the answer that quickly came to mind even as he knew that it was somehow tied to the curse that plagued him, to the heightened senses that enabled him to see things, hear things, that others could not.
Kristine’s gaze slid away from his as she wondered how to phrase the question that plagued her without hurting his feelings.
“My lord, may I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“You won’t be angry?”
“No.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“I know you said I was not to ask about the mask, but I should very much like to know why you wear it.” She lifted a hand to silence him. “You needn’t tell me what you’re hiding. I should only like to know if . . . if it’s an affliction you were born with and if . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“You need not worry, Kristine,” he replied stiffly, “your child will not be cursed with my affliction.”
Right or wrong, his words removed a huge weight from her mind. “I’m sorry, my lord.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. You have every right to be concerned for your child’s welfare.” He spread his fingers over her belly. His hand was large and very brown against her pale skin. “Now I would ask you a question, and beg you tell me the truth honestly. Is this child something you want?”
“Oh, yes!” She placed her hand over his. “Never doubt that, my lord husband. I am happy to be carrying our child.”
With a sigh, he drew her into his arms and held her close.
“May I ask another question, my lord?”
He smiled at her. “Today you may ask anything.”
“You are in pain, are you not?”
“Yes.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No.”
“What of your physician? Can he do nothing to ease your suffering?”
Erik rested his chin on top of her head and stared into the distance, the sound of Charmion’s voice roaring like thunder in his mind. When my daughter forgives you, so shall I.
“No,” he said heavily. “There is nothing anyone can do.”
He had planned to see less of her now that she was with child, to gradually withdraw from her presence, thinking it would be less painful that way. Instead, he resolved to spend as much time as he could with her, to store up a wealth of memories against the day when he would no longer be able to hide his affliction and he would be forced to leave the castle for good.
True to her word, Kristine asked no more questions, but accepted the peculiarities of their life together. She grew accustomed to dimly lit rooms, to making love in the dark to a man who was fully clothed, to being unable to touch him.
As time went on, they took their rides after sunset, when the world was gray. He cherished the quiet times they spent riding together. He could see her clearly in the darkness, and he memorized every inch of her face and form, every expression, the happy sound of her laughter. She was radiant now, with a new life growing within her. Her eyes seemed to glow from within, her skin was soft and pink, her breasts were fuller, often tempting his touch. She never pulled away, never denied him.
Loving her was a mix of pleasure and pain. He delighted in touching her, holding her, caressing her, and ached because he could not accept her touch in return. And she wanted to touch him. He saw it in her eyes, in the way she sometimes forgot herself and reached out, only to have him stay her hand. Soon, he would not be able to share her bed. Soon, there would be no hiding what he was becoming.
Shortly after their attendance at the masked ball, Kristine began receiving invitations to other events—horse races and luncheons, card parties and afternoon teas. At first, she refused to attend, but he urged and then insisted that she accept. It was not good for her to spend all her time in the castle. She needed to make friends of the other women in the district, needed a life of her own.