Chapter Nineteen
SAVAGE
PRESENT DAY — August 2015
I’m sweaty and shaking from the adrenaline. I could use a drink right now, but I push that thought from my mind. I don’t drink anymore, so it’s useless to wish for something I don’t want or need.
I elbow my way out of the ring and leave the crowd to sort out the guy on the ground. Another fight, another dollar. I tell myself it’s the only time I forget about her, but truthfully, it’s the time I remember her the most. When I’m in the ring, I see her face, remember her scent, and I fight. The only way I know how to cope with losing Julie is by hurting myself like I hurt her.
We have fight nights in the caves that lead into the hills surrounding Kansas City. During the day they are used by old print press and binding companies, but at night we clear the way for our fights.
I’ve been fighting down here since just after Vegas. Lucias, who’s now officially President of the club after the death of his father, thought it was a good way to channel my anger. Plus it pays extremely well. They all call me ‘Savage’ as my road name now. It fits, and I would rather have a name that kept people at a distance.
I had helped Pres take over the Ghost Riders MC just as I went back to Julie. I was hoping to bring her back and fold her into my life, but things didn’t go according to plan.
When I left her in that hotel room that night, I called Pres, and he caught the next flight to come get me. I don’t remember much after leaving the room, just that Pres got me back to the clubhouse. It was a while before I knew what was going on around me, I was that far gone. I drank until I forgot, then I’d remember anyway, and drink some more. After a while the alcohol didn’t work, and I switched to drugs. When those didn’t take the pain and nightmares away, Pres pulled me out of the gutter again and put me in a ring. Getting to beat on someone was the only thing that made me feel better. Fuck, Lucias knew me better than I knew myself. He watched me hit rock bottom so he could show me what would really work. Now I’m clean and sober, and I’m VP of the Ghost Riders, but I still live with my demons. The devil inside me won’t ever go away, but I’ve found a way to at least make him happy.
As Vice Pres of our club, I handle the shit. I keep blow back from hitting the club, and I stay by the Pres’s side. It’s my job to make his job easier, and I’m okay with that. Focusing on someone else gets my mind off my fucked-up life. Thinking about the club and how I can make it better is a shit ton more fun than thinking about how I’ve fucked up.
I’m unwrapping the tape from my hands when I spot Bret coming towards me. I know this isn’t the right thing to do, but I’m done living my life like this. It’s been years since I laid eyes on her, and I’ve had enough. I know I’m not good enough for Julie, and I don’t have much to offer her, but I’m a selfish motherfucker, and I need to see her. She may not take me back, but I’ve got to try to talk to her a little. My life has been shit since the day I walked out on her, and I have to get her back. I have one regret in my life, and it has nothing to do with the scars on my body. Fuck my scars, and fuck anyone who only sees them. My regret lies inside my heart, and it’s wrapped up in a curvy woman with blonde curls, and eyes that see through my bullshit.
There are a few people standing close to me, mostly sweet butts and boot chasers, but I don’t fuck with either. I am, after all, still a married man, not that I would even if I wasn't. If I couldn't have her, I wouldn't have anybody. I see Pres talking to Scribe just a short way away, and Casper and Vincent are letting people watch them fuck next to the ring.
I catch Bret’s eyes before he makes it to me, and I nod my head towards the back. I grab my towel and move around the crowd until I’m in the back of the cave and alone. As soon as Bret walks up, I’m a little on edge, but mostly ready to do this.
“Where’s she at?”
"Dude, you've been having me watch her for almost two years, and all you've ever asked is if she's okay. You said you didn't want details, you didn't want to know a fucking thing, other than if she's alive and if she’s okay. I've done this for you, and I never asked questions. So why are you suddenly asking questions now?"
I get up in his face, losing my patience. "You don’t need to worry about why. I’ve had my reasons. Tonight I want details. I’ve got plans to see her, and I need to know where she is.”
"Dude, I get that maybe she meant something to you at one time, but I’ve gotta be honest. She’s twisted up with the Five Aces, so you might want to rethink going after her. I'm not trying to get in club business, and you never asked for details before, but you might want to just let her go.”