He was staring at the letter and turning it over in his hands. I saw him put it inside his leather jacket pocket. He took a few steps towards where I was standing then abruptly turned around.
God, he looked so breathtakingly beautiful, so perfect.
He was mine for a time and it was a wonderful feeling.
It was the best ever.
In my heart of hearts, I knew he was far too good for me.
Way out of my league.
I had broken him and he didn’t deserve that.
I had done what Scarlett had said I would do.
I had ripped his heart out.
After a few moments, he jumped back into his car, put his sunglasses on and roared off. I trudged wearily over to the lift and pressed the button to my floor.
No more tears came, just emptiness and loneliness.
Opening the door of the flat, I found that it was really cold and dark. I rushed over to the boiler, putting the heating and water on.
Next, I opened my alcohol cupboard in the small kitchen.
Finding the vodka, I poured myself a generous measure and I took a huge gulp. My throat burned as the vodka went down.
After I had finished, I poured some more.
I collapsed onto the sofa and put on a music channel. A Queen track played. Too much love will kill you.
Give me a fucking break!
Grabbing my phone, I texted my friend Rosie. We worked together. She texted back straight away and told me she would meet me in the Black Swan around the corner in an hour.
I thought about the letter that I had written, wondering if he had read it yet. I had also enclosed an USB stick with some special music on.
Chapter Sixty Six
My dearest Zack,
I know that you are hurting right now and I hope you realise that I am too, so much.
When you came into my life, I wasn’t looking for love but I definitely found it. I was doing a job and I never expected to meet the love of my life. I really can’t put into words what you mean to me.
I hope that you can understand that I was given an assignment to do, an assignment that I was successful in, an assignment that eventually gave you the truth.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the most wonderful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. To say that you are my dream man would be an understatement and when you invited me into your home, I had no idea that you would invite me into your heart too. It was certainly love at first sight for me and you told me once that you felt the same deep connection with me too.
I understand that you will feel that you can’t trust me and that everything we shared was based on a lie. My heart isn’t lying when I tell you that you have touched a special place in there that no one else ever has.
No one else ever will, Zack.
My heart will always be yours.
When we made love, it was so special, every single time.
You are the most wonderful lover and you always made me feel so loved, so special, so beautiful. I will never, ever forget that feeling.
I really hope that you can find it in your big heart to forgive me and move forward with me in your life because I want nothing more than to be in yours and the twin’s lives.
You really are an amazing father to them and you should be very proud of that. You love them fiercely and you protect them fiercely. They couldn’t ask for anything more.
They love you so much and so do I, Zack.
Please forgive me and you won’t regret it. I promise.
I’m so very, very sorry.
Please believe me.
If you don’t want me, I will walk away. It will kill me but I will do it. I will get a transfer to a station near home up North. I wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of being near you and you not being mine.
Yours forever and ever.
Mind, body and soul.
Your brown-eyed girl, Jenny Bear <3 xxxxx
Chapter Sixty Seven
I wobbled unsteadily to the shower to freshen up.
After my shower, I started to feel a bit more like myself as I got dressed. I locked the flat up and headed out of the door towards the pub.
What was I going to do if we didn’t get back together? I loved him so much. I would never ever feel that like about anyone else. I knew I wouldn’t.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to push thoughts of Zack out of my head as I walked confidently into the busy pub.
“Over here, Jenny!” Rosie shouted above the loud music, waving me over.
“Ever thought of a job as a fog horn down the ferry terminal at Folkestone?” I asked her, laughing as she hugged me tightly.
“How are you?” she asked me suspiciously.
“Not great. Zack and I decided to have a bit of space from each other. I don’t know where I stand with him at the moment.”
“Things will work out. He just needs some time. Part of him will think that you were just playing a part. You will have to convince him otherwise. He loves you. I have seen you together. You are perfect for each other. Anyone can see that.”