“Hi, John,” I replied, not getting up so that he didn’t kiss me.
Just then Jack and Zack came out of the pub with our drinks.
Zack’s face dropped as he saw John talking to me. He put the drinks down on the table and looked at John.
Oh shit!
A deathly silence descended as I looked at Zack and John.
“Hi, Zack. Listen I wanted to apologise to you about what happened. I’m really sorry. No hard feelings?” John said, thrusting his beefy hand out.
“I’m sorry too, John. We’re good.”
Zack magnanimously shook his hand. The scowl disappeared from his handsome face.
In that moment, I realised what wonderful men John and Zack were.
“If I ever want a sparring partner, I will give you a bell!” John laughed as we all joined in.
The ice was clearly broken.
“Look, why don’t you join us?” Zack kindly said, surprising me.
“That sounds good. Sarah, come and join us,” he shouted over to the brunette.
She walked over to the table nervously. I couldn’t believe how much she looked like me. She was not as tall as my 5’9” or as curvy but the resemblance was uncanny.
“Hi, everyone,” she stuttered, shyly putting her head down.
John introduced us and I saw a look in her eye as she surveyed me, weighing me up. She really didn’t need to worry about me having feelings for John.
“Jesus, JB, she is like your doppelgänger,” Zack whispered to me, staring at Sarah.
“I know, it’s a bit spooky and don’t you be ogling her!” I threatened him, laughing.
“I only have eyes for you, baby,” he told me, kissing my neck.
I popped into the pub to go to the toilet and as I came out, I crashed straight into John.
“Sorry, John!”
“It’s okay. What do you think of Sarah?”
“She’s lovely. John. I am pleased for you. You deserve happiness,” I told him, really meaning my words.
I suddenly felt really brave and decided that it was now or never to have a little chat with him.
“John, can I speak to you for a minute, please?” I asked him, swallowing hard.
My heart was pounding and my stomach churned.
“Yes, of course do you want to sit here?” he asked, steering me into a cosy booth in the empty pub.
“John, I need to tell you something” I gulped, trying to form the words.
“What is it, Jenny? You can tell me anything. We are friends, you know,” he said, kindly looking into my eyes.
God, why did he have to be so lovely?
“You know when I lost our baby?”
“Yes,” he replied unsteadily.
“Well, I lied to you. I got an abortion. I never had a miscarriage. I’m so sorry, John,” I blurted out.
“I know, Jen,” he said calmly.
His blue eyes filled with tears.
“What do you mean you know?” I spluttered.
“You got a phone call to confirm your appointment. They wouldn’t say what the appointment was for but I rang the number back and put two and two together.”
“Why didn’t you say anything and why don’t you hate me, John,” I asked him as hot tears ran down my face.
“I figured if you didn’t want a baby then if I forced you to keep it, you would have resented me and maybe even hated me. I couldn’t bear that, Jen. I loved you so much. I still do. So I buried it deeply away.”
“John, I’m so sorry for hurting you so much,” I sobbed as he pulled me into his warm embrace.
His warm arms wrapped around me and I felt safe like I did with Zack. My tears of shame and guilt ran freely down my cheeks. I felt wretched.
“Hush, Jen. It wasn’t meant to be and neither were we. We were too young and we wanted different things from life. Look how happy you are now and I have met someone and I am in love. Everything happens for a reason,” he soothed, stroking my hair.
“You are one of the best men in the world, John. I will always love you,” I told him, kissing his cheek as the tears continued to fall.
“I will always love you too, Jen. Come on sort yourself out and we will go and re-join the others.” He handed me his handkerchief, he was that much of a gentleman that he had one bless him.
“Thanks, John. I am so glad that we talked,” I told him as we went back outside.
Zack took a look at my blotchy face and pulled me into his warm body as we took our seats. He kissed my cheek gently.
“Are you okay, baby?”
“I am and John is too,” I told him, so relieved.
“Good, I am glad.”
Sarah didn’t seem to have noticed anything amiss as she cuddled into John’s strong farmer’s arms.
“Well, we better head home. We don’t want to have stinking hangovers tomorrow, Jack. Time to call it a night,” I told him, hauling him to his feet.