“Cameron,” she whispers and brings me back home. Not home, shit this isn’t our home anymore. It’s just an empty place full of memories I’d give anything to take with me, but I can’t, she won’t let me. She’s leaving and I don’t know what to do. Music got me through it but it wasn’t a solution. It just got me to Fate. She’s my final piece.
“I will give it all up, be an average person. None of it means anything without you.” She just doesn’t get it. I decided to do this tour because she wanted me to. She inspired my music again and if she’s gone that inspiration goes with her.
“I won’t let you do that, I know what music means to you. What about Scott? This is a part of you, Cameron. You can’t change that no more than I can change my past. It just can’t work, all the cards are stacked against us.”
“I don’t fucking want it without you, don’t you get that?” Holding her hand, I hope my touch can get through to her, but she just lets her hand drop from mine.
“You’ve put your world on hold for me enough. I can’t and won’t ask you to do that anymore,” she states and I just feel like it’s a lost cause. My only chance is to make her realize she can be normal. Have it all, love and all those words that go with it.
“Why did you call me tonight, Fate?” I am pleading with her.
“I told you, Cameron. To say goodbye.” Her words sound like they are coming from another person. Someone I don’t even know.
“You are such a fucking liar, Fate.” She gasps at my candor but it’s now or never. “You’re just scared, that’s okay. I’m scared too. You have no idea how scared I’ve been at times. I know you love me and it’s okay to be scared by that.”
“I…” She stops and just shakes her head.
“Say it. Don’t go about it in a roundabout way. Either you do or you don’t. Tell me you love me, Fate,” I say, hoping she will finally be able to tell me how she feels. We could move on from all this damn bullshit and have the rest of our lives to continue loving each other.
“You know I can’t…” she cries.
“Yes, you can. If you love me, you can tell me. I can. I fucking love you, Fate.” I pull her hand in mine. “See, it wasn’t hard because it was true. Say it, Fate.” I need this from her.
“I’m sorry,” she says, and I let go of her hand.
“Then go,” I say, and she flinches. Isn’t that what she wants?
“Cameron.”
“You know I love you too much to let you walk away, but I need this. Tell me you love me, Fate. Make it so I can breathe again because I can’t come back knowing you will be here at school. I can’t watch you be in my world and not love you.” This girl just blew up my world and now I have to deal with her coming back here. Being whole without me.
“I won’t come back.” Just like that, I have nothing left. Watching her take off her necklace and place it on the table, my fucking world ends. I thought having her in my world would be the death of me but not having her at all is worse. “I will move so far away that I won’t even cross your mind. Do what you have to so you can leave me behind.” Her words are like the final nail in my coffin. “This place no longer feels like home.”
Grabbing her backpack and small suitcase, she goes to walk out of her room. She will never be back here again and that is agony. We aren’t leaving here to move to our new life, a new apartment, and our forever. None of that exists anymore. She stops in front of me and I see her raise her hand to touch my face.
“Don’t, please,” I beg. “If you’re just going to say goodbye, then don’t.” She pulls her hand way from me and I know this is it. I just lost Fate.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lying on my bed at Clarissa’s house, I feel the wetness of my tears soaking into my pillow. A hundred times I thought about not getting on that plane, but here I am back in the city I was living in before Cameron came smashing into my world. That night when I left, I thought I was feeling complete agony but nothing compares to this. The longer I’m away from him the harder it is for me to breathe. I keep thinking at any moment I will take my last breath because the pain is too much for my heart and soul to handle.
A part of me knows I did what I needed to do. I couldn’t be the girl of his dreams. I’m not someone who should be on the arm of a rock star, but I also know because of him I will never be on the arm of anyone. Cameron McAlister decimated me with his love. There isn’t a do-over here. No way could anyone love me as intensely as he did. Another part of me wishes I could go back to that room and give him everything he needed from me.