“Tell me that wasn’t a goodbye.” Looking at him, I see that boy who sometimes shines through from his rock star appearance.
“Fate doesn’t say goodbye.” He looks at me confused and I realize he might think I’m talking about myself. “Some things are destined to happen whether people want them to or not. Once those things do happen, it is fate. Cameron, we are fated. I can’t promise it will be easy because the best things aren’t. So let’s push through it all. What I’m saying is my home is where you are.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Being in the apartment without Cameron seemed so weird. I didn’t tell him that, but once he was gone I just couldn’t sleep at night again. The media coverage of the incident with my father hasn’t blown over. If anything, they just have more questions. It’s not like it’s hard to find out information about registered sexual offenders. At least the victims aren’t stuck in that category but it’s been thrown out there that maybe I was abused in some manner.
When that happened, Cameron came home to me screaming and throwing this in my room. I think I scared him more than anything, but since then he’s been distant. A few days later, something came up and he had to go to California for work. He had asked if I wanted to visit Clarissa but honestly, I was hurt he didn’t ask me to go with him. Classes where finished other than reviewing and it wasn’t a problem to miss at this point. He came back just in time for exams and he was different. Distant.
That wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced with Cameron and it worried me. Cecilia kept telling me I was over thinking things and men are men but something didn’t sit right with me. Even when he was stressed or concerned about things, he never shut me out. It just wasn’t like Cameron to do that to me. I’d asked him if something was wrong and he continuously told me nothing was going on. I didn’t have much choice but to trust him. He’d never led me astray before.
Sitting in the middle of the floor, I continue with what I’ve been working on since the day he left. Cameron was gone and I had no one to take baby steps with, so I started finding ways to do them myself. Music was my baby step. The first few times were difficult. I’d seen the band practice, but I wasn’t alone. I could see Cameron and I had Cecilia with me. She would distract me if she saw me getting overwhelmed and Cameron was only a few steps away at all times.
I started out listening to his album in the living room with all the lights on and I can’t tell you how many times I had to turn it off and relax before trying again. I eventually found that if I focused on Cameron’s voice it was easy to picture him there with me and that helped immensely. Once he came back, I moved it to my bedroom and I did it when he was gone. I wasn’t hiding it from him but this was something I was doing by myself. Tonight he had to meet the band, as they had to get some last minute things together for the tour.
When it got dark, I moved into my room to read as exams were done for the year. I also started working on removing lights from the situation. One at a time, I got the lights down to just one. My desk lamp is all that is on in the entire apartment and it is pitch black outside. I can hear the other residents all out there having their end of the year parties and I turn up my music to drown them out.
An hour later my door busts open and I yelp in surprise. In front of me is Cameron, who is breathing heavy. His eyes are full of fear and that causes me to panic. “Cameron, what’s wrong?” I say, putting my book down and climbing out of my bed toward him, turning the music down as I pass it.
“I…” He pauses and looks around. “What the hell are you doing, Fate?” he asks questioningly.
“I’m reading?”
“In an almost all dark apartment with music blaring, alone?” he says and he looks mad. What the heck did I do?
“Um, yes,” I stumble.
“So you’re cured. No more triggers and you didn’t think to tell me or were they never there at all?” I gasp at his accusation. “Did you over exaggerate about your issues?” He takes a step toward me and I back away from him.
“If you come any closer I will slap you,” I blurt out and slap my hand over my mouth at the anger in my voice. That seems to snap him out of whatever funk he has going on because now he just looks hurt. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t hit you. I just...I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that after you know everything.”
“Fate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. There is just shit going on with the band and the tour. When I came home and heard the music blaring and opened the door to a dark apartment I panicked. Then to see you just sitting on your bed reading in a barely lit room with the music, I just…” He smacks his hand down on my desk and I don’t move a muscle. “I’m an asshole, I’m sorry.”