Trying to pick myself up, I see Cameron staring at me. I know that all his fears about his anger have just happened. I know he wants to come to me, but he’s holding back. He’s doing what I do. His thoughts are full of blame. My father begins to get to his feet and he is looking at the scene in front of him.
“Guess I’m not the only abuser,” Kurt insults.
I see Cameron getting ready to go to the deep end of his anger again. Just before he lunges, I yell, “Choose.” Just like that, all the anger disperses and he turns, looking at me with such sorrow that it pulls on my soul.
“Choose what?” Kurt says, clearly confused.
Leaning into my father so others can’t hear, he says, “None of your business, you have no business here. Do you get it? I will fucking kill you before I ever let you touch her again.” I see the anger building and I know I need to get him out of here. Grabbing Cameron, I try to show him with my eyes that I need to leave. Pulling, he eventually gives in and lets me begin to lead him away.
“Maybe I will kill her first, those pictures aren’t doing it for me anymore and I won’t go back to jail for a little bitch,” he slurs.
Cameron stops in his tracks, but I put my hand on his chest. He brushes me off and I feel the loss of him right away.
“He’s not worth it,” I plead.
“You’re right, none of this shit is,” he snaps back, causing me to flinch. He takes off, walking away from me.
“Dad, get some help and stay the hell away from me. Stop ruining my life,” I scream and run off after Cameron. When I round the corner on the way to our building, I can’t see him anywhere. Cameron is nowhere to be seen. Picking up the pace, I take off as fast as I can to our apartment. After I unlock the door, I find that I am in our apartment by myself. His door is open and I know he hasn’t been back here yet. I throw my bag on the table and fall against the wall. My body is making itself a puddle on the floor and I pray for tears but they never come. I’m broken. My phone begins to ring and I scramble to answer it.
“Cameron,” I say hopefully.
“Fate, it’s Clarissa.” I gasp at the realization it isn’t Cameron calling me. Cameron, no. “Fate, what’s wrong?” I don’t speak. I feel so much, but I have no words. “Fate, if you don’t answer me right now I’m getting on a plane. Fate,” Clarissa yells.
“Cameron’s gone,” I whimper.
“Fate, start from the beginning,” she pleads.
“Dad was here, Cameron attacked him after he figured out what had happened between us. I got him off of him, but he accidentally knocked me over and then when I finally got him to leave, Dad said...” I can’t finish, my throat feels like it’s closing up. Clarissa doesn’t even know the extent of it.
“What? Tell me, Fate,” she begs.
“He said he’d kill me before he’d go back to jail again and…” taking a deep breath, I give her my final secret, “that the pictures aren’t keeping him as good company as I would.”
“What kind of pictures, Fate?” she cries out and my heart breaks for her in this moment. I’ve had years of these memories and I know I can barely handle them.
“He has pictures of me without my clothes on in my room,” I say.
“He says he still has them? Why didn’t you tell me about this when it happened?” she asks, trying to remain calm, but I can hear the soft sobs coming from the other side of the phone.
“He says he does. Clarissa, he’s drinking again. I could smell it on him and he was slurring his words.” She understands what this means when it comes to that man.
“I am getting on a plane right now.” I can hear her shuffling around and then I hear the clicking of a keyboard. “There isn’t a flight until tomorrow morning,” she says in frustration.
“You don’t have to come, Clarissa.”
“I know I don’t have to, but I am coming. There’s no use arguing about it,” she says firmly, and if I wasn’t dying inside right now I might feel some relief at her coming. “It’s going to be okay, Fate.”
“Cameron,” I whisper.
“It’s a lot to take in, Fate. He’ll be back,” she says, trying to lessen my pain.
“It’s over, he’s not coming back, he knows the truth and he can’t handle it. No one can. This is why I pushed him away before. Why I broke down and had to be committed because I knew this moment would come and I would be feeling this. He finally knows and can’t look at me,” I say and I believe every word.
“Then he isn’t who I thought he was and he isn’t the person for you, but I think you’re wrong,” Clarissa says and then I hear a bang, causing me to gasp. “Fate,” Clarissa yells from the phone, but I can’t say a word.