“Does that clear things up for you?” I say breathlessly against her bare shoulder where my head is now resting. I feel her let go of my waist with her legs and I pull back to let some air get between us.
“You don’t hate me?” Is this girl serious?
“You are it for me, Fate. Stop pushing me away because I’m not going anywhere,” I say without thinking. I just laid it all out there for her to see. I showed her and now I’ve said it. Might as well go in for the kill. “I love you, so just let me in, for fuck’s sake.” Her mouth drops open in surprise and I fucking love it. “Where were you, Fate?” I ask, and she shakes her head like she just isn’t sure what to say. “Why didn’t you come home? All this time could have been spared. Please talk to me,” I beg her because I need something. Anything at this point is better than the unknown. The unknown has been what was screwing with my mind for the last eight days.
“I’m just nervous to talk about it.” She takes a deep breath, and I finally get a glimpse behind those walls. “After you left I went to a bad place. I couldn’t deal with the pain and Clarissa had no choice.” She is watching me so closely I feel like I’m the one who is nervous.
“Where have you been, Fate?” Her face is full of apprehension. Does this girl not understand that she could tell me anything and it wouldn’t matter?
“A mental hospital.”
My mouth drops open. That I was not expecting.
Chapter Nineteen
When I walked in, he didn’t even notice. He was too busy being angry with Cecilia for keeping my contacting her from him. Once I spoke and he turned around, it was like in that moment, I knew. I would never be okay again if I couldn’t repair the damage I’d done to this man. He looks like crap and he’s a freaking rock star. He was still hot as hell and anyone would want to jump his bones, but he just didn’t look as if he cared about anything. I had to change because I felt as if my own clothes were suffocating me and from the plane, I was completely uncomfortable. I needed to get into something familiar so I could have a very difficult conversation with him.
Coming into his room and seeing him packing a bag crushed me. I thought in that moment that I’d lost every chance of making him forgive me. Then out of nowhere, he took me and pushed me against the wall. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t flinch at the contact. I welcomed it. I know he’d never hurt me. When he kissed me, I felt like my world wasn’t flat anymore. Lately I’d been feeling like my world had been crushed and in that moment, he put it all back together. I knew it might be short-lived because we hadn’t talked, but a girl needs things to dream about.
Then he asked me where I’d been and everything came crashing down again. I had to come clean. I might not be able to tell him every detail of my issues, but this I could tell him. He deserved to know what he was getting into if he forgave me.
“A mental hospital.”
Cameron’s face is one filled with shock. I want to pull away from him but his touch is keeping me grounded. He doesn’t look away. He just watches and I feel the pressure. Clarissa and I talked about this before I left but saying it was a completely different thing. They let me leave the hospital, and Clarissa asked me to go into counseling here at the first sign of any issues. She also demanded that someone here know about my issues before putting me on a plane. That’s where Cecilia came in. I wasn’t sure she wouldn’t go to Cameron, but I thought we were friends too. I told her I would tell him. Asking her to lie was not part of the deal.
“Cameron,” I say because I don’t want to continue if this sealed things for him. Taking a deep breath and committing the feeling of his touch to memory for later, I step out of his grasp. “You can walk away now, I won’t hold it against you, I promise.”
“Stop.” I’m not sure if he means the talking or that I was pulling away. I’m silently praying it is the latter. To be sure, I just don’t do anything. I’m completely still, waiting for him to give me some clue as to what he actually wants.
“Do you not realize how I feel about you?” Looking down, I shake my head. Not because I don’t know but because he shouldn’t. I can’t say it back, it’s a tainted word for me. The other part of me also worries that it’s changed because he found out who I really am. “Look at me,” he commands, and I do as he says. His eyes tear right through me.
“Fate. Stop pushing me away because you think I’m going to leave. You could tell me anything, it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. When you love someone, all this other shit is just something to work through. They aren’t game changers.” That night in my bedroom in Orlando he said he thought I knew him better than that. I think I’m finally starting to see that as much as I hide, he still sees it all. But the best part is that he doesn’t care. It’s unconditional.