“I’m sorry I was so hateful,” I say, unable to look her in the face. Clarissa is sniffling and I know I’m to blame for all this. She doesn’t deserve any of it.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again, Fate. Do you have any idea how scared I was for you? I don’t care if you hate me. You weren’t functioning, what was I supposed to do, wait it out? What if you didn’t get better?” she rushes out and then takes a deep breath. “Sorry,” she says, giving me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. I’ve done this. Worn her down to where she has to put on a face to placate me.
“You did what anyone would, Clarissa. I wouldn’t have come out of that by myself. I was purposely pulling myself into the pain to get away from the pain of losing Cameron.” My mind drifts to everything I said. It was overwhelming to think of all the possibilities of him finding out and looking at me with repulsion. That would be the death of me. I know I have to tell him, and I will, but when I feel as if I’ve finally dealt with it. That way I can console him too, because if he doesn’t run away from me, my secret, it will break him.
“It’s not over,” she says and my heart picks up a bit. “That boy has been calling me the whole time. I’ve run out of excuses. You were due back at the apartment. I had to tell him you weren’t ready to leave home and would be back there soon. If that’s what you want to do, Fate. I can’t tell you what to do, but whatever it is you do decide, it has to be about what you want.”
“Cameron,” I whisper and I feel I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.
“So go back to school and be with him,” she says it as if it would be so simple. I can’t just walk back into his world and throw all this at him. Not after what I’ve said.
“I told him things I can’t take back, Clarissa. How can he ever forgive me for that? Now he’s getting out too. My past is haunting me. I just want to be normal.” Clarissa lightly wraps her arms around me, trying to console me. “Clarissa, what am I going to do?”
Chapter Eighteen
Cameron
“You can’t just calm the hell down, can you?” Cecilia says and I give her a screw you look. Seriously, calm down. Fate has been gone for twelve damn days. Twelve. Clarissa told me she’s fine and she texts me saying everything is fine, but I feel no matter what she says, when Fate gets here, shit is still going to be all screwed up with us. “She’s coming home any minute. You should be happy, not looking like you’re about to keel over. Sit the hell down before you have a heart attack.”
“Wait, you spoke to her?” I yell at Cecilia. Clarissa let me know to expect her, but not when.” She gives me a look that says busted. “What the hell, Cecilia? You’re my friend, why would you not tell me you talked to her?”
“Doesn’t work that way. I’m her friend too,” she says plainly, and I want to hit something.
“Do you know where she’s been? Is she okay? Are we okay?” I say, and yeah, I know I’m pathetic, but I’ve been going out of my mind without her here. If I were honest, I wouldn’t care as long as I could set eyes on her and make sure she’s better. Seeing her that way was damn torture.
“Sorry, Romeo, you aren’t getting anything from me. What she wants you to know she can tell you. Your dumb ass should have listened to Clarissa when she warned you to just leave.” Yeah, like I haven’t been saying that to myself since the moment I was out of that house. I should have listened, but I just didn’t think she could be that bad. Even knowing what I know now I’d still go in there to try and help her.
“Just tell me she’s okay,” I beg.
“I’m okay.” I jump and turn around, coming face to face with the one person I need in this moment. She looks more herself than she was that day, but I still see there is strain. I have to put my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out to her. My mind is telling me I only get this one chance to do this right and for the sake of my sanity, I need to, because a world without Fate isn’t something I could handle.
“Well, I kept him as calm as I could, but this boy is in need of a serious tranquilizer.” Cecilia’s mouth pops open and she looks like she can’t believe what she’s said. What the hell? “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Wow, I’m so inconsiderate.” Then she looks at me and can see my confusion. “Shit.”
“It’s fine, Cecilia,” Fate says, and I have no damn idea what is going on, but I’m going to need some answers. Not all of them, but at least why Cecilia just went ten shades paler.