I don’t know what to do or what to say right now to Fate. “Cameron, you should get Fate home.” Cecilia suggests, seeing my uncertainty. I nod and go to hand Fate the jacket, and she flinches. I can’t fucking tell you how much her doing that is killing me right now. She turns and begins to walk in the direction of our apartment. I follow her, nodding a goodbye to Cecilia and Scott, who are looking at me with pity. I’m so fucking screwed right now.
When we enter the apartment, I see her heading to her room. I rush ahead of her, blocking the door, causing her to look up at me. “I’m exhausted, Cameron.”
“It’s dark, you can’t sleep in there and you know it,” I say, hoping it works and I place my hands on her waist, leading her to the couch. She doesn’t resist and I sense she is just giving in to the motions. “Fate, say something.”
“When was the last time you two were together…sexually?” she asks with such innocence I feel filthy having to make her ask me this.
“It’s been almost nine months since I’ve had anything sexual with her. She pops up from time to time and likes to play the girlfriend of the rock star. I never cared before because I didn’t want anyone in my life. It was easier to say nothing,” I say truthfully.
“Other than tonight when you kissed.” Of course, to her that looked sexual.
“Fate, she kissed me on the side of my mouth. The only reason I didn’t move away was because I was watching you. I didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late and I pushed her off me as soon as she tried.” She bites her lip in response. I know she’s confused. I am too. I thought we had something here, maybe it’s one sided. “Fate, do you want to be with me?” I ask her, praying she doesn’t rip me wide open.
“If we do this, it has to be just me. I’m not her, I never will be. This will be all about baby steps and I can’t even promise you anything sexual because I’ve never done most of the things you are looking for.” Her words cut me.
“Have I ever done anything to make you think I needed more from you?” She shakes her head. “Was it something I said? Did I say something to make you think I wanted her or anyone else and not you?” I thought I was being clear about my feelings for her.
“You make it seem as if I’m everything and that is amazing but also overwhelming. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, which is both thrilling and horrifying. I’m new to all this but the way you make me feel is like together we can handle anything,” she says, looking at the ground again. I bring her eyes to mine.
“That’s because I’m all about you, only you, so let’s give this another try.”
Chapter Thirteen
When I come through the door Cameron is sitting on the couch with his guitar. As soon as he sees me, he quickly goes to his room, putting it away. I’ve never caught him doing this before, but I know he listens to music when I’m not around and sneaks around to practices with the band. I didn’t even notice he had a guitar in his room when I’d been in there. He must have it tucked away somewhere. When he comes out I decide that we need to find some way of moving past this.
“I was wondering if you’d be interested in doing something with me,” I say timidly, and he cocks his eyebrow at me in response. “No, not that. Well, we have different interests and I was thinking maybe we could do something for each other that the other person enjoys.” He chuckles and I realize that could still be taken badly. “Ugh, you’re such a man. You know what I mean. Stop making this about that,” I say in a frustrated but joking tone.
“I’m game,” Cameron says, and I smile because I wasn’t sure if he’d go for something like this.
“You have to trust me,” I say, because I’m sure I will get some hesitation from him at some point.
“I think that’s fair since I’m always asking you to trust me and take baby steps. Now it’s your turn,” he says to me with a smile and it warms my heart that he’s so carefree. What I wouldn’t give to feel that way. “So, tell me, Fate, what is something I don’t enjoy already by being around you that you could share with me?” Crap. I hadn’t thought about something like that.
“Fish,” I blurt out. Great job, Fate. “I mean, you know I love nature, but I have a huge passion for marine life.”
“Why, though? Is it just because you are a nature lover or is there something else behind it?” I hadn’t expected him to ask anything about it. Honestly, if someone had blurted out what I had, I’d think they were a little crazy, but for some reason he can sense where reasons are with me.