Chapter Seven
“Looks like we are going to have to order in,” Cameron says and I feel a sudden rush of happiness. That means more time with just Cameron and I don’t mind that at all. “Unless, do you need to go sleep?” His words remind me that I haven’t napped today and I will be extremely tired tomorrow. I just can’t bring myself to give up any time with him right now. “I know you don’t sleep at night. I won’t ask you why, but you are not the only one who watches people. I noticed a pattern and I want to work around those things so I don’t become a problem.”
“You are not a problem. I would tell you if you were.”
He glances at me and I can tell he’s struggling with how to approach something. “That’s the only way this is going to work, I need to know when to stop. Some way to know you’re struggling, so I can be sure I’m not adding to it. A code word or something to let me know I have to stop right away. So pick one.” He is putting me on the spot and I begin to feel uncomfortable.
“Okay, if picking the code word makes me feel uncomfortable, how is this supposed to work?” I sigh and look at my hands.
“Damn, let’s see. It’s not the idea of the word, right? It’s having to come up with one yourself.” Looking up at him, I give him a slight nod. “Got it, you don’t like being put on the spot. I will have to remember that. So I will pick one. Does that work better for you?” I give him a smile, letting him know that is exactly what I need. “Shit, now I have to come up with something. You’re right, this on the spot crap doesn’t work for anyone.” He makes me laugh. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite things about him. “Choose.”
“What? No, you said you would,” I beg.
“No, the code word is ‘choose.’ That way it’s easy enough to say in any situation, but only we know what it truly means.” Giving him my best ‘I’m lost look’ I hope he will enlighten me on this as I feel out of the loop. “One life is what I choose, and I choose it with you.”
Quickly, I place my hand on his, which is currently situated on his lap. At first, he flinches and I worry that it wasn’t wanted, so I pull my hand away. “No,” he says, grabbing my hand and then letting go as he gasps. “I’m sorry, it was a pure instinct. I didn’t even think about it.” Taking my hand, I place it back on his.
“This is all baby steps, remember? For both of us. I don’t expect you to remember everything and not slip up.” Slipping my thumb under his hand so we are connected, I continue, “This, your hand on my hand, I’m fine with. I can’t promise I won’t flinch if caught off guard, but I’m trying and I hope you will too. Push through the pain, right?”
Bringing up his other hand to overlap mine, I wait for the warmth of his touch. It’s as if my body is craving it. I want more, but I know it’s too soon. If I move forward more than I’m ready, I could destroy all this progress. “Push through the pain,” he says, and I smile.
“Tell me something I couldn’t find on the internet about you.” Cameron’s face breaks out into a grin.
“Was someone looking into me while she wasn’t talking to me?” Oh crap, busted.
“Well, I couldn’t get the information any other way. Honestly, there isn’t much about anything else except your music and the reasons you need to clean up your image. I just want to know something others don’t. I feel like the whole world could know as much about you as me.”
“Fate, they see a personality. A rock star, not Cameron. Just a name, that’s all I am.” His words remind me of the difficulties I could encounter being around him.
“Do we have to tell people?” I say shyly.
“Tell people what?” he says coyly with a giant smirk on his face.
“About us, our friendship.”
“Is it just a friendship?” No, it’s not, but I just don’t know how to say it. “I don’t think this will ever be just friendship. I think it’s always going to be a more. Are you okay with that?”
“I do like the sound of it, I just worry about the public peace. They will expect me to be this rock star groupie girl and I don’t think I can play that part.” Hoping he understands me is all I can think about.
“We don’t have to tell people, not yet, but it will come out one way or another. These things always do, but when it does, it will not be this crazy frenzy with it. I won’t let the spotlight hurt you. Fate, I never want you to play anything. I don’t want you to have to act the way you think you should. I just want you, fucked up and all, because that’s what you’re going to get with me…every flaw and weakness. But I trust you to help me and want to be around me anyways.” His words make me feel raw and by the looks of it, he is too. Slowly, I lower my head and put it on his shoulder. It feels nice to be comforted in such a way I am not used to.