Beautifully Damaged(24)

He lifted his eyes to mine before he said, "I wanted to talk with you about Trace."

A wave of unease spread through me at the seriousness of his expression before I said, "Okay."

"I've known Trace for a long time. He's a complicated man but I have noticed a difference in him these past few weeks and I can only attribute the change to you."

My voice was whisper-soft when I asked, "A good change or a bad one?"

He held my stare and grinned. "A good one, Ember, and that's why I'm going to share a bit of his past with you."

"Are you sure that you should?"

"Yes, it might help you understand him better."

He pulled a hand through his hair and stared pensively at me before continuing, "I met Trace when we were fifteen. He was in an alley pounding the shit out of some guy. I pulled him off and truly believe, if I hadn't, he would have killed the guy. I think he knew it, too."

"After that first meeting we started to hang. I think at first he saw me as his reality check, the one that would keep him from going too far. And it was true, I was, since almost every time we were out he would end up in a fight."

"There was so much anger in him, a rage that was nearly uncontrollable. I didn't know then and I still don't, what fuels it, but it was nearly the death of him. He knew that he needed a better way to vent his anger so he found an outlet by fighting willing opponents."

I paled and knew that I had since I felt all the blood drain from my face remembering Trace in the parking lot and the level of rage in him. The idea of him in some abandoned warehouse pounding the shit out of people scared me. "What like Brad Pitt, Fight Club, fighting?"

"No, not really. The fights are legal, held in a little hole-in-the-wall gym. There's a ref, even judges, but the method of fighting is up to the fighters, gloved or bare-knuckled. It works for him and it's helped him channel his anger. It gives him a release."

I had already known that he was a fighter but I was disturbed to learn that he fought not for the love of it or for the money but as a release for his rage. What in his past fueled it?

"This thing -- it isn't just rage in him, Ember. He also has a deep-rooted belief that he's a piece of shit. He doesn't think he's good enough for you and at some point he's going to push you away. I hope when he does, if you feel something for him, too, that you won't let him."

"I do feel something for him, Rafe, and I really like being with him." I tilted my head and studied him for a moment before I asked, "Does he know you're here?"

"No."

"Last week, I saw a bit of that rage and I won't lie; it scared me but there's so much more to him than anger. I don't think Trace realizes how much he has to offer. I like him a lot and I want to see where it goes -- whatever it is that's between us."

Rafe's smile in response was beautiful.

After my talk with Rafe, the phone calls started. It wasn't every night but several times a week, Trace would call me and we'd talk for hours. I hadn't seen him, he hadn't come around but I found that I really liked talking with him on the phone since he seemed more at ease. We didn't talk about his past or his family but he spoke more openly about everything else. Whether he realized it or not, our talks were very revealing, exposing a side to Trace Montgomery that few get to see.

Two weeks after my talk with Rafe, I was sitting in my living room and my thoughts drifted to Trace, as they had a habit of doing. He was a puzzle to me. I knew his reputation but I didn't see him the way others did like the man that Luke described on that first night at Sapphire. When I looked at Trace, I saw a man who repeatedly did things for others, helping me out of a few scrapes, coming to the aid of that woman at the gallery, attending charity functions to help those in need. I saw a man who could look at the depiction of a soul in torment and relate.

I was beginning to suspect that Trace's image was not just a product of his low self-esteem but a means to keep people from looking too deeply at him. I saw a glimpse into the man underneath that hard shell and I liked that man -- a lot. Yes, I suspected he was a damaged soul but he was a beautiful one, too. I wanted to believe that Trace avoided seeing me because of his poor self-image but I also wanted to believe that he called because he felt it too -- the connection.

I missed him and as much as I looked forward to his phone calls, they weren't enough for me. I wanted to see him so I grabbed my phone and called Rafe.

"Hello."

"Rafe, it's Ember."

"Hi, Ember. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I want to see him. Do you think that's a bad idea."

"No, I think it's a great idea. He's been a bit of a prick lately."