“Holy shit, Lil. You look like a drowned rat ... what the hell happened to you?”
I shook my head, unable to speak. My lips quivered.
“What the hell? You’re shaking, let me get you a towel and some new clothes.” She disappeared into the laundry room, returning with several towels, a t-shirt and pair of sweats. I was chilled to the bone, trembling uncontrollably. “What the fuck is going on, why are you drenched?” I draped the towel around my shoulders, rubbing my arms to warm my flesh. “Lili, go change ... when you’re done you better start talking, otherwise I’m about a minute away from calling that Dr. Fucker myself.”
I padded down the hall and slipped into Sierra’s dry clothes and returned to curl into a ball on her cozy couch. Sierra had tea waiting for me.
“He broke up with me tonight, told me he wasn’t good enough for me. He said he couldn’t make me happy.” I was oddly calm when I spoke.
“You’re fucking kidding me.” Sierra, not as calm, plopped down next to me. “He broke up with you because of your past? You’re shitting me. He’s right, he isn’t fucking good enough for you.”
“No, Sier. He’s hiding something, he’s not telling me something—I saw it in his eyes tonight. Something I’ve never seen before. He’s scared.” But of what?
“I don’t get it. Why won’t he talk to you?”
“I don’t know! I’m so fucking furious with him. I’m seriously tittering on the edge of insanity. I love that fucked up man so much it hurts.” There it was. I said it. I loved him.
“Oh, sweetie.” Sierra hugged me. “I still want to mutilate that fucker for hurting you.” She sat back. “What are you gonna do?”
“Give him some time, give me some time. Our relationship is NOT ending like this. The last month has literally been the best of my life. Ever. He went from a stranger to someone I can’t stop thinking about overnight. I’m not going to throw that away without some type of explanation.” Somehow I would get him to open up to me. I got up from the couch and started to pace. “It’s bull, Sier. I finally trusted someone again, opened up to someone. I thought I would never ever do that again. I’ll be damned if what we shared was for nothing. We’re amazing together and it’s not just the sex.” Sierra smirked. “Okay. Yes, of course the sex is amazing, but it’s more, way more. We just work together. We fit. It’s like nothing I have ever known.”
“Lil, he’s got to come around ... he’s not gonna give up that easily. That man is head over heels for you.”
“But what if he doesn’t? What if he doesn’t come find me? What if that was it? What if it’s over for real and his new case manager can keep him company?”
“What?”
“Oh yeah, he has a new me this month, and they looked pretty comfortable with each other this afternoon.”
“You can’t believe that shit, Lil. If your connection is as fucking nuclear as you say it is, there is no way in hell he’s going to give that up and cheat on you. Listen to me, if he does he’s a fucking fool and you don’t want him anyway. You will be fine. You hear me? You will be fine. You are strong—the strongest person I know—and we’ll get through it together.”
“I don’t want it to be over,” I choked. Sierra grabbed my hand.
“Let’s not jump to any insane conclusions yet.” Sierra raised her eyebrows a little. “I’m gonna rally the troops for a night out, you need a distraction. Take your mind off of it for a couple of hours. When is this watermelon coming out?”
“Don’t talk about your daughter like that.”
“Whatever, you would think I was a raging alcoholic, but damn … a night out drinking and dancing sounds great.”
I chuckled. “Typical, Asspuck. Always something sassy to make me smile.” I sounded like Chase commenting on my mouth. God, I missed him.
The following days and weeks, I avoided every social situation like the plague. No lingering in the hallways, and I definitely stayed off the elevator. Too many awkward and important conversations seemed to go down in that freaking box. Besides, I learned that stairs in heels when you weren’t in a rush had some perks—your butt and calves being two of them.
Everyone avoided me as well. In fact, if avoidance was an art form, Chase freaking perfected it. Not that I was surprised, he told me to leave after all. It hurt like a bitch.
The not-so-hush-hush gossip around the hospital was that Chase and I broke up, with everyone honing in on the timing. Instead of looking like two professionals waiting to be off the same service before exposing a relationship, I looked like a convenient rotational fling. Lovely. My dad would be so proud.