“Oh no, not our Lili.” Sharon cried and slapped a hand over her mouth. They were finally grasping the magnitude of Lili’s injuries. “She’s gonna wake up, right? Say she’s gonna wake up.”
“We’re moving as fast as we can, and time is on our side since the accident happened in the hospital. We started some IV medications to reduce some of the swelling. But it might not be enough, we might have to make some tough decisions...”
We. Shit. What if Jim wasn’t on board with what needed to be done? Adam was right. Jim was technically her next of kin. His support was imperative when I made the most crucial decision of my life.
I’d given this exact speech to distraught families more times than I cared to remember. At least it wasn’t the speech going on downstairs. Fuck, that could have been Blue. My heart ached; it fucking ached.
“Do what you need to do, Chase, I trust you. Lili trusts you.” His words sucker punched my gut. Lili trusts you. “Just save my babydoll.” Jim pulled his wife tighter to his side as his own tears pooled. Jim Porter just left his daughter’s life completely in my hands. FUCK. That was his blessing. Do what you need to do.
I swiped my ID card and walked into the ICU. A nurse led me to Lili’s glass encased room. She looked so small and peaceful lying there, my girl. Just like she did every sunrise when I left her dreaming. But the scene was all fucking wrong. She wasn’t curled in a naked ball under our soft sheets. She was propped flat on her back in a sterile blue hospital gown. And I didn’t need to tuck her brown curls away to kiss the tip of her nose because the fucking white bandage around her head kept her blood-soaked hair tied back. And her face didn’t look like perfect porcelain, instead her raccoon eyes were ten times darker than when I found her at the bottom of the stairs. And she wasn’t in our warm bed that smelled like sex, she was in a cold intensive care unit that reeked of fucking Lysol. Worst of all, she wasn’t soundly sleeping. She was in a fucking coma.
I scooted a chair against her bed. I wanted to be closer. Hell, I wanted to climb in. I needed a minute alone with her, a minute to explain. She needed to hear this from me. I promised her truth. Always. A promise I broke once and wasn’t going to do again.
I held her small hand against my face, maneuvering her IV tubing out of the way. The rhythm of the monitors filled the silence. I closed my eyes and did something I hadn’t done in eighteen years. Prayed.
The last time I prayed, I was in a sterile room similar to this. But it was my sister lying in the bed. I remember lifting her paralyzed eyelids. She was awake. Pure anguish and nothing but an empty darkness haunted her lifeless eyes. After being abandoned by her family for three long years and trapped in her own fucking mind while schizophrenic maniacs raped her, with no hope of escape … I only had to ask once. She was my twin, my other half, and her tears were answer enough. If hell was my destiny, so be it. My selfishness put her there; I was willing to sacrifice eternity to set her free. It was like closing a curtain over a mirror when I shut her eyes. Her light was gone. There was nothing but darkness. It is time to close your eyes. My world went dark too.
Eyes clenched, head bowed, a serious fucking prayer. Not for Kimi, because she was pure, innocent and heaven called her by her first name. But selfishly, I prayed for myself, for my own salvation. Then I hummed. Our favorite song. A song that Kimi and I played a million times while we sat in the sand with the sun at our backs and the wind in our hair. The crash of the ocean waves created a constant rhythm as we strummed our guitars. Music was our happy place. One last time.
I never expected forgiveness, nor did I deserve it. The harsh truth was I made the decision and deserved to carry the burden of guilt. The harsher truth was I would do it again for my sister in a fucking heartbeat.
So after that day, I made a solemn vow and permanently marked myself as a reminder. First do no harm. That was going to be my truth.
A lifetime later, I was ready to pray again.
“I’m sorry, baby, but this is my truth.” I kissed her open palm. “Now I need a simple promise from you. I need you to wake up. Please, baby, I can’t breathe without you.”
“Ahem, Dr. Colton, I’m Dr. Quinn Finley from OB. I can come back…”
Shit, I thought I asked for no interruptions. I lifted my gaze from Lili’s face to see a slender woman with long blonde hair standing in the doorway, looking entirely too chipper for my liking.
“No, it’s fine, call me Chase.” Enough with fucking formalities.
“Dr. Gupta filled me in, I’d like to do an ultrasound as soon as possible. Is now a good time?”